Gosh, I wish I had this information 25 years ago.
At the time, I was in the middle of what turned out to be a ten year long relationship, and overwhelmed by more shadows than I could imagine.
I felt the need to have all of my issues together as I was pursuing this field, but in the depth of my heart and soul, I did not know at the time how deeply I was being initiated into the work that I now offer to you almost 30 years later.
My husband also, in his own life was being initiated through the relationships that he experienced as well, and both of us did not know how to do this one thing that I’m going to share with you that made true love grow bigger and provide truly soul satisfying hot sex, love and relationship fulfillment.
What was this?
We had to learn how to truly grab a hold of the starting place, or inception point, as I call it, of where activation of a potential danger happens, a perceived danger that can disconnect you, and what we had to learn to do instead, was to learn to nip it in the bud with the resources inside of us, that we grew, that would help us do that.
So what was it that actually helped us grab a hold of it?
How do you ride the tail of a wild dragon?
If you’re a big spirited person, colorful, vibrant, and have big energy which most of my clients have, it can be really challenging and you might really wonder if you’re with the wrong person, or wondering what else it’s going to take because no matter how many times you try, you just can’t seem to find a way to tame the dragon’s tail.
My husband will look at me with a funny look in his face, and he’d say to me, “Babe! I really don’t know how we’re gonna do this, you’re so set in your position here, and I’m set in my position over here. And we’re just not connecting. Let’s take another break.”
That was really hard, because we had to face what was overwhelming for us many times before we could fully develop the resources to hold it, and give it what it needs.
But we did.
And the most important thing was that we learned was to find a true way, a resourced way, to open up AND TRULY HANDLE to the big energies that got created between us.
If we were going to create big together, we also had the potential to create big problems together as well. I know I’m not the only one who experiences this.
And that was really hard to face, it was humbling, it brought up shame, and it also brought up a tremendous feeling of smallness because of the young places that were just too emotionally unintegrated at the time. For example, we both suffered with feeling not enough in places and also places where we just felt like we were too much. We both felt community with each other when we discovered that those places were pretty young, and instead of letting the negative cycle of struggle dominate us, we teamed up and found humanity and compassion and each other instead.
I’ll be honest with you, we just kept practicing, and practicing, and practicing, and there became a tipping point when those things that used to create a horrible rub between us, eventually became softer, and they became more filled with love, and no, it didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen.
And you know, that’s what grace really is, it’s meeting what’s there, not trying to make it different, not trying to put your spin on it, not the other person putting their spin on it, no struggle for dominance, no struggle for control, no struggle for competition, but simply, straightforwardly, with all of your love and presence absolutely meeting what is there without resistance or defense or any kind of hiding or avoidant behavior.
This is what creates grace.
We’ve heard the song, I once was lost, but now I’m found.
This is what happened to us, and this is what could happen for you if you can find the way to let everything that’s there actually truly be met for what it needs, in true presence, and in embodied awareness.
So for us, meeting those enoughness wounds with a presence we could actually feel IN our bodies, which literally changed everything, and made it so that the same old dramas could finally rest in the deep healing with the presence they had been calling out for all along. Sounds so much easier when said and much harder to actually do.
So if you need support or a mentor, get that, do that, it is so worth it for the gifts that it brings, the closeness and intimacy I now experience, the depth of love that is unlike any other love I have ever known, and the ability to create and drop into a beautiful sexual connection, at any time you wish, yes, even if you have children!
Honestly, these are deep and precious jewels. Let that sink in. And the value of that sink in too. What kind of different life can you create with these jewels securely nestled in your hearts together?
You can’t live your life without them unless you’ve decided on the monastic path, for whatever reason, and that’s fine, but that’s not most of you, so if you’re reading this and feeling a resonance, I just want you to know how critical these linchpin activation points are and how critical it is that whatever support is needed right in those places, it gets it,
– so that you both get it as well
– and that conflict gets it
– and the dynamic gets it
– and you feel held and present
– and you’re in grace because there’s no more fight
– and there’s no struggle because you’re in grace.
And it keeps working like that, and then miracles of things that before used to seem impossible will now start to happen and unfold and you’ll be amazed at what you can see.
There is love, closeness, connection and sex happening for me now that I never would have imagined three years ago, five years ago, ten years ago, I couldn’t even have pictured it.
But doing the work, that’s what makes it happen, that’s what makes it unfold.
So, isn’t it your time to have this?
Let me know if you feel comfortable, ONE thing you’re going to do this week to just to start to create more love and grace in your relationship?
