I’m feeling feisty today so read on, or stay away, lol.
It always makes me smile with triumph inside when people look at me, my relationship, kids, and life and assume with jealousy or trying to conceal their envy, that I have been lucky.
For freak-sake!!
I thought I would take a moment to dispel false projections and be honest.
Allow me to share with you just how ‘lucky,’ I have been.
Big reveal time.
Somehow in my soul’s desire for liberation, which I take full responsibility for, I ended up choosing a biological family filled with levels of unhealed trauma on literally every level, which stunned the small fear-based community I was from.
Mental, Emotional, Financial, Sexual, Somatic, Political, Religious…TRAUMA…it oozed through the pores of my family and became the gossipy talk of the mostly small-minded, fear-based, town.
No love, no safety, no containment, no guidance, no consciousness, no desire to, only trauma responses, fight, flight, numb and fawn, and all the syndromes and godless identities that come from that.
VERY lucky as you can see.
And yet, it’s how I know these realms with such deep, undeniable intimacy, and AUTHORITY.
And I experienced the impact of those traumas that made me all the false identities –
– too much,
– too intense,
– a problem,
– not enough,
– a trigger,
– shame,
– guilt,
– codependent,
– fighty,
– fawning,
– totally dysregulated, to start with.
My therapists in my twenties would hear the stories in the lineage of my early and teen years and ask me how the eff I made it through. They’d scratch their heads in disbelief that the person sitting in front of them was the person who had been through this lineage.
How did she do it?
And yet somehow I did make it through, I heard my soul calling super young… at age 9 it started,
I almost died in the ocean that next year when three riptides pulled me under in the ocean,
And if that wasn’t enough, I then experienced the grief of the loss of my entire blood family through emigrating thousands and thousands of miles away,
And then, being egged on to end my life at age 12, by my mother, no doubt.
So you see, I heard the messages loud and clear from spirit, to do or die, as in die and leave the planet or start waking the eff up NOW…(that’s the do part)
Spirit did not mess words with me…
I was completely unparented and felt like an orphan most of the time.
I seemed to make it through high school years with a few transcendent mentors who saw me and saw me deeply. This was key. Thinking about their impact on me right now, I’m crying.
Then, I was leaving for college with less than $100 in my pocket and being financially strangled from getting student loans, because I had sex with my high school boyfriend and my mother was hell-bent on seeing me emotionally and financially snuffed out like she was, and punishing me financially for that, and they were claiming me as a dependent (so I couldn’t get student loans), being practically disowned when I had a Buddhist wedding at 27…I mean it just went on and on.
Sure sounds lucky to me, 😉
But here’s where I feel tremendously fortunate.
And how I always led myself,
Two simple things…
1. To have had the thought all along that, I knew there was SOMETHING SO MUCH MORE FOR ME….that THIS insanity was NOT all there was, {someone today needs to hear that},
and…
2. The gifts of my karma ( I call it my karmic legacy inheritance) have made me one of the most resourced and therefore richest people on the planet.
The karma gave me tremendous gifts.
Those gifts are my powerful, and life-changing medicines.
My medicine serves my community.
And in turn, my community of soul-satisfied humans and couples, go out into the world and produce securely attached children, thriving businesses, healthy bodies, smoking sex and love, undeniably changed lineages and cycle breaking, trauma resolved, undeniable freedom, resourcefulness filled up in bodies, incredible health, and put holy, heartfelt and sustainable love vibes out into the planet.
I know when I die, I will die free, complete, and totally fulfilled.
And my mission is to empower as many of my clients who truly wish for that as well.
Really, there is NO more time to waste.
That knowing is my redemption, my liberation, and whatever your version of this is yours too. Please do share with me what that is.
What other mainstream liberation path besides partnership has so many followers globally?
Not even entrepreneurship.
So, yes, I’ve been ‘UN-lucky’ perhaps, but I am one hell of a fortunate woman, and I’m happy with who I am,
I’m at peace,
I think to myself how blessed I feel to be with my hubby,
my healthy children in a free country,
to run my very profitable business as I desire,
to enjoy our gorgeous mini-mansion in the mountains,
to be enjoying a healthier everyday body that’s feeling and looking good for my age,
to have all my fingers and toes and to have a consciousness that can CHOOSE to make magic and medicine out of anything that I like.
That’s not luck.
That’s character, choice, resources, creativity, and most of all love and compassion.
Let go of the idea of lucky.
It doesn’t exist, except from the trance-mind identity place of not having empowerment.
I say that with full acknowledgment and recognition, that as a mostly white woman, I have had many opportunities that many of color have not, and my full intention is to use my privilege to support the undoing of the darkness, create reparations, and healing ongoingly.
Create whatever the EFF you want.
Create it from whatever place you have passion for, with the resources you have and the medicines you already have, and whatever your history, I KNOW you have them.
Compost and churn whatever crap you’ve got, get support and shine it into the diamond you are. If I can do that, with the ‘luck’ I’ve had, anyone can.
I know I’m not alone. And I’m here to lead. I’m reminded of Maya Angelou who said, “I come as one, I stand as 10,000.” You’re welcome to stand with me.
And I can’t wait to see what your version of more and legacy is, especially when it comes to transformation, partnership, and intimacy. Just try on what sustainable soulmate love in your body, heart, and being…might look like…and the benefits it brings….the all the way benefits….
Surprise me.
Surprise yourself.
Love you on the journey with me.
