Author: Joanna Intara

If you’re being really honest with yourself I know you’re going to make some observations about the transmission of love, connectedness, intimacy, sexuality and conflict resolution that you are passing on to your children.

If you check out the nudge and the practice for this week at https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157824667265555 and https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157830725135555, you’ll see the pre-steps that will help make this dare more successful for you.

And how honest you are, is the extent to which there will be an increase in growth in your capacity to experience hot sex, love and closeness relationship, even if you have kids and think you’ll be able to only have sex when they leave home.

So the dare is, from what you see, where is there room to be a better transmission of Hot Sex, Love and Closeness for your children or your marriage?

Where is there room for you to be more loving?
Where is the room for you to be more sexually connected?
Where is there room for you to be more intimate when you desire?
Where is there room for more conflict resolution skills?

I truly believe that when we are the most humble with ourselves even if it is extremely unpopular with our ego, even if it brings up a lot of shit, we are more successful ultimately because of getting to the ground of what is true

And when we get to the ground of what is most true, then we can plant the seeds for what we truly desire

So even if you see something here that’s hard, that triggers you or causes you to feel a reaction, that’s good, it’s telling you there’s something juicy to look at.

And the question is, will you look at it?

Will you take what is given to you and turn it into something good?

Because if you don’t, it’ll end up repeating itself and there will be more struggle or challenge or disconnection. The choice is up to you and I dare you to inquire more and be more honest than you’ve ever been because those are the people that are going to see the big results and the creativity open up to create the desires so that you get to have the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness relationship you’ve been wanting to have so much.

Can’t wait to hear what you come up with.

Last winter my son Emanuel, (who is now 11), told me.

“Mom, I want the dating pool at school to be larger.

I want a relationship like you and Daddy have.”

This really touched me for a number of reasons.

And what I appreciate it did here, was it had me look at how I’m demonstrating the energy of hot sex, love and closeness.

Really made me look.

Our kids take in everything about how we do sex, love and closeness.

They feel it without us explaining anything!

So what are you transmitting?

How many times a day are your kids seeing you kiss, hug and smooch?

And how are they observing you dealing with any signs of stress or trouble?

And the afterglow of hot sex and lovemaking… How often are they experiencing that?

It’s honestly shocking for most of the people to actually do this because it shows you what’s actually getting transmitted to your children about how to do hot sex, love and closeness.

I actually recommend writing it down for a week. And seeing what you discover.

And then the practice is to truly look at what it brings up for you depending on what you see.

What is your relationship to what you were seeing? (i.e. Do you feel happy about it, frustrated, have a desire to shift it?)
How do you both feel about it?
How is that impacting your kids?

If you’re not willing to be curious and in the question for the discovery process, what does that also show your children? And how does that play out in your family?

Remember that all of your transmissions around hot sex, love, closeness, conflict resolution and intimacy completely become the basis of the transmission that your children will receive.

It’s going somewhere, so if you want a hot sex, love and closeness relationship, you’ve got to be willing to look at where it’s actually going? And what you’re actually seeing.

So is there ONE thing you’re seeing as you’re reading this, that has your curiosity? Let me know in the comments.

One thing I’ve noticed is that in the afterglow of lovemaking, our kids are always more peaceful (because WE are peaceful) and it’s tightening my awareness to how important it is for that transmission to be available for them. If it becomes their norm, then that’s what they’ll expect and experience.

This week’s live stream in our Facebook Group HERE (https://www.facebook.com/groups/278275709185342/) was SO much fun.

I love it when there’s a mix of mom’s and dad’s on my livestream.. and hearing how well this landed for people.

And if you’re wondering what five minutes of time to take today, to get your loving, sexing and closeness back on track..then I’ve got just the thing for you.

You see, when I hear my couples and those in relationship struggling with how to manage and decode the patterns that kids playout, that come from unseen things us parents are doing, I’m excited for them, because then they get to experience my support and 30,000 hours of experience and over 30 years of training right at their fingertips.

I know that being a parent with a child or two or three can feel incredibly stressful at times.

Not to mention the stress of running a business, working in a start up or big company with a big role can be full on.

You come home, and there’s a million things to do.

Your kids want you, your partner needs something from you..oh.. and you have personal needs as well – like maybe to work out, handle some bills…you’re stressed…and then the kids seem stressed and unhappy as well.

Just not content.

It’s grinding.

Frustrating…

And it definitely chips away to creativity and connection with your spouse.

Cutting into the opportunity that could come from closeness and love lead to hot, delicious sex but instead leads to crumpling into a pile of exhaustion after the kids go to sleep with a cool, disconnected discontent.

Are you ready for a fresh redo of all this kerfuffle?

If so, join me tomorrow for our livestream on exactly this, where I’ll show you what to do to;

– To start having more hot sex, love and closeness, even if the kids are pushing your last good nerve.
– Decode the gnarly things that your kids do that drive you nuts, and turn them into connection gold that benefits everyone, and gets you back to loving, sexing and closeness in the ways you desire and that you need.
– Get a hold of the THREE little known things that parents can do to help them get freed up from this struggle and get on to having Hot Sex, Love and Closeness.

This is going to be fresh, fun and to the point. And it’s going to give you EXACTLY what you need to get going having Hot Sex, Love and Closeness even if you’re kids are driving you nuts, you’ve tried everything and you’re losing your center today.

So if it’s been a grind lately..if you’re not having the amazing goodness and peace-giving medicine that a true hot sex, love and closeness relationship can gift you then you’re going to want to come.

I mean, you could miss it, but then it would cost you in so many more ways than just dropping in and spending the few minutes to receive what I’m going to be sharing with you.

Super excited for this.

Last week my clients Jim and Nancy came in so overwhelmed and frustrated.

Jim was feeling overwhelmed with work. The startup owners were disorganized and chaotic.

Nancy ran her own online business, managed a team of three, and was pregnant with their second child.

Their first child was three, and had been in the ‘terrible two’s’ long past the second year it was apparently ascribed to. I normalized it for them, and said it should frankly be called the ‘tantrum threes,’ and they laughed and it broke the ice.

Parents are so vulnerable, to all the stresses in many of the same way non-parent couples are..and with the additional overwhelm of how to be conscious parents, cultivating hot sex, love and closeness while in the midst of work, parenting and dealing with kids who can drive you nuts, push every last trigger button, and get on every remaining good nerve…

This was what Jim and Nancy had been dealing with for a year. Their little one who was three, would do the opposite of everything they asked him to do. And when natural consequences were presented impulse control was out the door with their little one.. which would then do the same with both of them.

Everyone was losing their shit.

And it was making them feel ashamed which I normalized pretty quickly and it was a pleasant surprise that parents do indeed, lose their shit from time to time with their kids. It’s more common than most of social media would have you believe.

And I could see that they needed transformation support.. otherwise they were going to continue being disconnected, and sexual and loving connection was going to suffer even more. Not an option either wanted to engage.

From my deep study of shamanism and developmental psychology, I understand about emotional organizing systems, sacred mirrors, and karma. From my studies of Diamond Heart, I know the value of deep inquiry into the nature of what is appearing to provide deep illumination to exactly how to give you the support you’ll need to reduce the suffering and heal the disconnection..

Kids play out our unresolved stuff.

They don’t mean to.

There’s not much consciousness to it.

They just DO it..because they are impressionable little beings who absorb frequency, vibration and imprints…and then, because they don’t have adult language to think or speak about it.. they play it out.. act it out…and then disaster hits.

“What awareness is trying to get born…through what the kids are showing you in their annoying or stressing patterns?”, I asked.

This was key! And it stopped them dead in their tracks.

We looked at the acting out of their kids simply.

“What was it trying to say, from the inside?” I asked…

We sat in the open space about it together.

And they removed the blame and shame. Because they became curious.

About their own impulse control places.

And when being more supportive to their inner impulses of impatience, and they focused on it, then they could then respond creatively with the kids.

They could give their own impulses exactly the containment and resources of love, patience, understanding and support that they needed. Something they had not known what to do before.

And then guess what happened?

At the end of our time working together, the pattern was gone, just like that.

The impulses were met with presence.
The overwhelm was met with compassion.
The anxiety was met with inquiry and curiosity.
And the struggle was not held in those qualities were served as containers.

And, the kids weren’t driving them crazy because they could feel the calm too.

Now that’s exciting.

Love to hear the ONE thing that you’re kid’s doing this week that’s driving you nuts or stressing you out, and how you might be able to think about it differently.

As a parent, I’m always watching if and what my kids reflect back to my hubby and I. For example, what patterns repeat over and over, or what distress patterns might they be in…always asking, what are they trying to share, get me to feel, looking to me to guide them through (no matter what the appearance is).

I didn’t use to pay attention to this.. but I do now because it’s a huge gift that can help make not only our couples connection more loving, more close and the sexual sparks more potent..but also increase love and connection in the family/parenting world too.

And even if you’re wondering if this curiosity can help you, or you’re fed up, or have lost hope, not to mention beyond overwhelmed with the kids, trust me.. I’ve got you, from the very inside of having gone through it myself.

You see, earlier on in my marriage when my kids were toddlers, I was really tested. Like all parents.

I’d ask my then three year old to put on his shoes. And it was literally like I might have been asking him to chop his finger off. Forget asking my daughter to brush her hair. I felt shame at what the neighbors thought must have been going on in our house.

My husband and I looked at each other with a glance ‘WTF fresh chaos is this?’ And we were frantic and panicked at to what this meant or even how to handle it. The episodes were increasing.

We lost our shit. With each other. With the kids.

We certainly were NOT having the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that we desired, and as new parents, frankly.. we needed THAT medicine even more!

We were so caught up in the effect the kids were having us, that we forgot to zoom out and become more curious.

And to think about what was happening, instead of just react.

We had to learn to create new emotional containers to hold us through the activation that would happen with the kids and that’s bound to happen.

This is what they were showing us. Through the shoe example and the godforsaken hair brushing example above.

Contain them.. so they can learn how to contain themselves.

And to contain us first.

So we made new agreements about how to handle activation, stress, overwhelm and getting triggered.

We built those.

We exhaled and laughed when we saw that they copied us.

The started to contain themselves.

Because we were the transmission.

Because we did our containing our own overwhelm work too. We got stronger. We built containers. We kept agreements. We practiced.

And they followed suit.

And because we were FAR more contained, held and cohesive.. that gave a transmission in our very frequency to our children. Instead of emitting stress, we radiated being emotionally regulated. It went right in. Ease was felt all around. Feelings of struggle melted and we became closer than ever. The power of one plus one, creatively.. so much more then ten!

Which freed up tons of stress to get into other juicy, hot loving things….the connected close, loving, soulful and intimate connection that you desire and have been craving and needed for a long time.

That getting freed up by healing this difficult thing the kid showed us.. that was ecstatic..on all levels..

That healing created such a deep exhale for us, such a release, such a letting go…such a freeing up of conflict energy, more room to look at each other and relax, and connect..and easily communicate..and be understood..and cherished..that led to other things…..:-)

Tell me.. what’s your preference for the ecstatic? Ecstatic sex, love or closeness? Or maybe you’re sensing that really, your preference is all three! 😉 And what’s ONE step are you going to actually take action on so that you can get closer to it?

Or, what’s one thing your kids reflect to you that you’ve learned from?

I’m ecstatic just writing this..I get to again and again lay claim to my desires by owning them. Fully

What are you going to do to make sure the kids don’t take away your relationship happiness but add to it?