Author: Joanna Intara

I shared last week how I did not receive much help on how to have great hot sex. I had to learn and it was really hard at times.

But hot sex wasn’t the only thing I wasn’t taught about either.

With two Aries Warriors for parents, (not a good match, unless very mature), there was conflict all the time. It kind of went like this, Fight, Eat, Sleep.. and repeat.. lol

Anyone come from a lineage like this besides me?

A friend later told me, ‘at least it would have been good if there was some Fuck in there’.. so Fight, Fuck, Eat, Sleep, that would have been better.

But there wasn’t even that.. because there wasn’t the emotional connection and closeness to begin with.

And because I KNOW that you want that too..and to get connection, vulnerability and intimacy are so important.

Vulnerability, because you’re willing to be transparent, open, unarmored…

And intimacy, not gained with other, until you’re truly intimate with self, the worthy starting point.

And no one, or few..if any, role modeled, or taught or demonstrate in my family HOW to exactly do this.

There were so many syndromes I carried forward…

• not being vulnerable,
• not being connected with my inner heart, mind and body parts inside that are involved in relationship and connection, being afraid of these things at times,
• feeling impoverished, because that is what I took in from my lineage, which created imprints {kind of like inner relationship templates that run and organize how we do connection}, and those dance in evocative ways with our partner’s imprints, which CAN run the relationship show…
  UNLESS, we make new ones!

Which we can.

Have you wanted new ones?

I, for one, TOTALLY BELIEVE, you get to have it.. so do you?

And if you want Hot Sex, Love and delicious closeness and intimacy.. you WILL.

Because you already know the challenges that relationship can bring up.

You’ve been around for a while.

And WITHOUT A DOUBT, you’ve run into edges at these intersections of closeness, intimacy and vulnerability.

The HOLY, potent trinity of what creates the actual, palpable connection you LONG for.

What I longed for… more than ANYTHING!

And I had to look deep inside, and get very still, quiet, and in a BE-FRIENDING relationship with every part,
…no turning away
…no flying away,
…no numbing
…no fighting
…no addicting
…or distracting

and this, THIS is what helped open up the closeness, both ways, between me and my hubby.

and what created the connection we BOTH wanted.

and deeply NEEDED.

That would affect our family, and be a great model for our kids.

And help create peace..and the kind of CLOSENESS that makes life worth living,
….that frees up energy
…that creates connection
…and from that connection comes MASSIVE creativity.. {{ and usually leads to more hot sex, and love..}}

And it was hard, at times, because my hubby was also doing his OWN work too.

We both had to.

And even though there were moments where I wanted to let go, and fantasized about the greener grass..over there..

I have many times too, not infrequent, where the connecting is SO AMAZING.. and I need amazing.

Maybe just like you do.

Because you get to have this.

And you CAN’T settle.

And you get to thrive this way.

Who’s feeling like it’s their time for this?

So the first step is for you to learn how to cultivate real, emotional connection.

And listening to my podcast (https://www.besoulfulfilled.com/hot-sex-love-and-closeness/) and showing up in our group, Hot Sex, Love and Closeness (https://facebook.com/groups/278275709185342/) regularly is a great way to start that…

Lemme hear ya with a YES in the reply…. and…

I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

I don’t want you to miss this opportunity to find out how to open up to big time love in your relationship, even if it’s been feeling challenging lately.

Which is why I want to share with you the brilliant discussion we had.

I’ll be sharing on..

3 Ways To Live In True Love So That You Can Have All The Hot Sex, Love and Closeness You Desire.

• Find out what to do so you can restore true love, even if it’s been challenging lately, especially for parents.
• The 3 THINGS you can do right now to turn up the love connection between you and why it’s SO important to address that.
• How diving into this work and looking deeply at it will change your relationship, your family life and turn on creative juices, and, a-hem, ATTRACTION like never before.

Can’t wait to see you there.

This is going to to be SO much fun!!

Here’s A Love Dare For This Week!

Want to feel some REAL movement in love this week?

You know what they say.. the bigger the risk.. the bigger the REWARD…right?

So here’s the deal.

We ALL can disconnect from love.

It’s part of the separation wounding we all have somewhere..either handed down by the culture.. or the conditioning we got growing up. And then we play it out in love relationships…

I haven’t seen a client ever — who has no issue here…

Ever met that person yourself?

And what I’ve noticed is that the ones willing to be brave, are the ones who reap the reward

With your beloved…sit across from each other. {{ you’ll need about 20 minutes for this..10 minutes each }}

Know you are safe to share.

Without stopping.. share ALL the ways with your partner.. that you have disconnected from love.

For example, I’ve disconnected from love by getting pissy, or going cold.

It’s not easy to admit, but just relating to it, giving it dignity by expressing it,

Connection is made, and true healing and creativity can begin.

Dig deep, be brave, share it for real.

Nothing needs to be done about it…

The person listening, simply says, “Thank You for sharing how you disconnect from love with me.”

Switch.

Bonus Dare. Do two or more rounds.

Check In.

See how you feel..

Notice what you learn.

How do you feel towards each other now?

Share how have you disconnected from your partner?

Share in the comments..I’d love to hear.

I have found this exercise to MOVE the needle of disconnection INTO love and connection.

Every time!

When we can own our shortcomings and know we are safe…LOVE and CONNECTION restored!

Can’t wait for you to try this.

So excited for what I KNOW you are going to receive…

For just 5 minutes, find the present moment with your partner.

Even if you’ve been feeling disconnected today…especially if you’ve been feeling disconnected.

FIRST…Stand 2 feet apart, face each other, and decide who goes first.

SECOND…First person moves to music in a way to share their level of heart openness for about two minutes. Second person shares how open they experienced them on a level from 1 – 10 with 10 being the most open they could be.

THIRD…Second person gives feedback on what would bring the score up…how would person one move their body to make it a ten or close to it. First person moves to music AGAIN after this feedback..and then switch.

NOTICE and FEEL the difference..

You can TRY a few rounds of feedback and practice, as time permits.

Are you ready to feel difference and change your current shared partnership state when it comes to love?

Who is ready to benefit from a bit of practice like THIS?

Share that you’re committed to trying it in the comments

Let me know in the comments!

Instead of the usual ways of expressing love, find out how your body expresses love in the language of sensation and in the form of movement.

The value of this is that it takes you beneath the mind, (where most of us live) and into the realm of the body which has infinitely more wisdom and revelation for you, in the places that matter most to you, as far as LOVE and disconnection in love is concerned.

Start to ask yourself…

how does my body express love?

how does my body move when it feels love?

and even the same questions for the disconnected side…

how does my body express disconnection in the language of sensation?

and how does it move?

For example, I love to express love by moving my hips from side to side,

And when I do that I feel this winding yumminess through my hips as they move,

And when I am present to that, it intensifies the love.. and where I can take that…?

So many places…

Places I want you to discover in yourself.

This is valuable to just see what happens when you try it.

Simple, fun and super revealing.

How many people do you know that can simply benefit from this simple practice?

Or even, how many situations that you know couples are dealing with, can benefit from this practice?

Love to hear what happens for you or even that you’re committed to TRYING it.

Share in the comments below.

Shayna and Daniel were a typical couple that I work with.

Married 8 years, together for 11 years, three small children, age 8, 5 and 3.

Successful at work, driven to be conscious parents and have it all, because, why not?

But when they came to see me, they were absolutely at their wits end.

Ready to separate because the disconnection between them was so extreme.

And they felt that the kids sucked every last bit of good energy out of them, with nothing left for each other, let alone growing the love they both complained not only that they desired, but deserved.

And as is typical, the work together started with complaint, although very subtle, but even more palpable..you could feel it against the backdrop of how much they felt like they used to love each other, and wanted to, but just couldn’t just connect or find a way to do it.

But they hadn’t given up yet, even though they felt tempted in their hopelessness, because they still fought for each other, even if it seemed to look, “against” each other at times in the way they blamed and attributed the trouble between them to the other person.

“I can’t feel the love in the same way we used to,” Daniel complained…as he looked at Shayna with hurt, worry and a bit of irritation in his voice.

“You’re always on your phone…and you’ll text me at home, long before we have an actual face to face conversation…” Shayna huffed. “We’re obviously last.” The words stung the air of possibility with the hurt that had grown between them.

It’s so common when we feel triggered, to hide our most primary emotions from each other – the emotions that lay underneath the blame, the criticizing, the judgment, the attribution…

And when we can feel safe with each other…to lay down the armor that actually fuels the disconnection and love-less feeling, to connect in heart, WITH the real vulnerability, of the true feelings that lay underneath it all…

s l o w l y

r e a p e t e d l y

i n t e n t i o n a l l y

…and receive each other…

…without further offense…

…and care for each other right there..

…with compassion, creativity and empathy…

It’s like lighting a candle in a cave that’s been dark for ages and watching eyes, hearts, breath and bodies FILL UP with love and delight, like they’re meant to…like you’re meant to…

It suddenly becomes very vibrant, juicy and alive in the room.. having experienced it viscerally thousands of times.

Like Shayna and Daniel..who with this work, and the active work on learning to experience emotional intimacy and heart opening..not through the mind, but through the body and experience…in a VERY fun way, I might add..

Standing across from each other, one of them holding the masculine energy, and one of them holding the feminine energy, switching roles, using movement, music, feedback, and connection to ground that emerging sizzling connection with each other..

I loved watching the sparks beginning to fly.. and noticing that it leads to GREAT things…

I mean, you could keep trying to shut down this love, that is trying to happen…

You could keep doing the walk around…but at what price..?

And for how much longer can you tolerate this? While trying to hold it together at work and for the kids?
Like how many people do you know just hang on and hope it will get better…and suffer..and where do they end up?

Or you can be received and supported by an expert with over 30 years and 30,000 hours of client experience, to resolve the issue and get happening all the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you desire..

If you find yourself in the Shayna and Daniel conversation, and KNOW your time has come to end this painful dynamic forever, I KNOW how to help you do it…because I have done it myself, and helped thousands of others do the same and get on to some really good loving.

Coz life is Waay to short for anything less.

Tell me below, do you relate? Do you feel like the kids have taken your energy and enthusiasm for your relationship?

What are you waiting for?

And…. I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

I grew up loving romance, love poems, hearts in the stars and all the while I lived in a household that was filled with lovelessness, lack of care and deep conflict-ridden insecure attachment.

…forget talk of love, true love and how to cultivate it so that parents and couples could be close and connected.. having all the passion, love and closeness they desired, deserved.. and were so deeply needed for not only themselves, but their families too…

but I never lost sight of it… and how much I KNEW what mattered, even though I didn’t really have it.

and I KNEW in my bones, that I was determined to.. and GOING to have it one day… in full, all the way home in every way that truly mattered.

Maybe you’ve felt that too, ever since you were young but just don’t know how to get it?

…so much so, that when I searched all over for it, for so long, only the obstacles to it appeared…

And in my adult relationships, and most notably my marriage with my beloved, I’ve been challenged and tested at times to truly reach deep into my soul and my personal practices to learn to create love and open up to it, even when I felt disconnected from it, and from loveless places – learn how to embody the creativity to love so that I could experience the great love I felt destined to experience.

And it’s so true how Hollywood and the larger online culture does fabulous job on showing us on how we SHOULD be in love and how magically it should unfold, but never really any tools on actually HOW to do it.

Which is a set up for:

• feelings of failure
• hopelessness about how to sustain love once we find it
• and what to do once we feel disconnected from love
• and the worst, thinking that the person we are with is wrong for us
• feelings of worthlessness
• total confusion
• self doubt and hurt

The feeling of being separate from true love, starting with our own, is one of the most painful, isolative experiences and it happens to almost every couple or person in relationship I’ve ever worked with, including myself!

Which is why, in order to actually have a relationship that’s hot, loving and close, you need to know how to cultivate it, and get it back when it seems to be gone.

And that’s easier said than done.

But it doesn’t have to be.

And for me, who came from serious ancestral trauma, profound insecure attachment and trauma with ZERO good role modeling of how to do good love, juicy love, hot love, true and sincere love, sweet love… what I found that helped me create love like this…?

It was to delve deep into creating the most secure attachment possible and to learn how to actually be available to receive love, cultivate it in my body and to share it in ways that were creative, genuine and true.

Which was VERY challenging at times, and made me lose my last nerve often, and slay ancestral dragon after dragon of all that stood in the way.. and maybe, you too… have wrestled with these demons, and devils who try to seem to get in the way of you and all the deep and scared love you deserve, desire and are hot for?

Ancestral trauma – is the handing down of unresolved patterns of trauma, injury or wounding… that NO ONE has really done any work on healing, or very little, if at all.

Sometime my love would say, “Babe, I don’t know… can we do this?…maybe this is just too much…” or I would say my version of it… and the disconnection dynamics would play their way out, over and over, wrecking sourness over our true love which I knew was there, even though buried, I suppose, for safekeeping for a while until we figure our shit out.

But we did, by diving into the most disconnected parts with the right healing attitude, instead of the usual things we did and that all humans can do; blame, attribution, judgment…. and had to ultimately learn how to open to love and the deep care inside of what that really amazing love requires.

And while we are, like any other couple, a work in progress, I’m immensely proud of the work we’ve done considering everything, and the presence, deep creative care, and love that we embody for ourselves individually and each other.

It’s the sweetest heart nectar to enjoy… and to watch our kids bathe in the benefit and legacy of love that we are leaving for them as well.

And it turns up the volume really well on Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that parents and couples deserve, just like you.

You could, like I did, try to turn down the volume of how deeply you desired that true love, or even tried to negotiate with yourself that it could somehow stay not fully turned up,

But then you learned that THAT, lead to other syndromes, like depression and melancholy or anxiety…

And even all your normal distractions didn’t work until one day you came face to face with the TRUTH that you had not given up on experiencing really deep and true, abiding love.

You will not give up on Love, and love isn’t giving up on you either.

You just need to find the ways that it works, and let love reveal her ways of a life and love worth living for. And with successful careers and being busy parents, you can’t NOT have this. Not any longer.

And I just KNOW from walking this path of cultivating TRUE love so thoroughly, so unbroken-ly, that I can guide you through it as well.

I can pinpoint very quickly the disconnection threads that cause a couple to disconnect and easily be able to curate the ideal environment for the SHIFT that’s needed.

And sometimes, I wonder, even when people know they want this, why you think they prolong it? And how do you think they are able to manage not having the kind of love in their life that they want so badly?

I mean, why prolong THIS? Why delay something that transforms your day to day life, your happiness, your family?

So if you’re ready to actually experience TRUE love, the kind of write home about, all-the-way home kinda love, let me show you how.

Did you grow up with good love role models? How has that shown up for you?

And… I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

Did You See This?

Ready to get turned on this week EVEN if you haven’t been having sex for a while?

Check out this super valuable Live Stream below where I share how to:

• Find out why getting along great is causing you to NOT have Hot Sex and what to do about it, especially for parents.
• The 3 THINGS you can do right now to get the heat in the bedroom going and why it’s SO important to address that.
• How diving into this work and looking deeply at it will change your relationship, your family life, and turn on creative juices, and, a-hem, ATTRACTION like never before.

I want you to have the KEYS to doing this.

It doesn’t have to be hard, complicated, or fancy.

And even if you haven’t had sex for a while (but you SO want to), you don’t want to miss this because I’m going to break it down for you, clear and simple so you can get off the livestream, and get into the bedroom and GET.. IT..ON!

Let it sink in that a relationship lasts, not just because you’re emotionally compatible.. but in addition, whether you learn and master how to play with the worlds of sexual tension and friction in a good way, so that you can keep the sex erotic and hot and enlivening.

You can MOVE from not getting along well, to HOT and HOLY OMG sex and friction in a way that is fun, exciting, and delightful.

And as parents, you NEED this.. and as a couple, it’s NOT negotiable, not anymore, RIGHT?

You could stay in a SO SO pattern of not so satisfying sex and lovemaking, or you can take your loving, hot soul over to this livestream and get it going on.

I love it SO much and hope you do too.

They can be roles, archetypes, and characters.

The ways you are in sex.. whether receiving, giving or anything in between.

I see a lot of couples and individuals play out the same missionary position. Somehow that got to be the main way people have sex, but my clients often complain to me that it can get very boring. An archetype is a very typical example of something. Missionary position is a typical example of a sexual position. So for each of you, find a different archetype or character for your masculine. This does not mean that men have to be in the masculine, or women in the feminine…we all can play all the roles with each other, no matter what the configuration.

At least one time this week, see what happens if you go to none of those familiar roles, and try something completely new and different.

Don’t think about it too much.

How do you feel differently with each other?

How do you imagine the sex and love-making might be different?

What is the one thing in your opinion that makes people get stuck in sex ruts?

And let those parts be what the sex focuses on instead?

For example, masculine is often thought of as more active and assertive. And feminine is often thought of as more receptive and still. This is one way to identify the two sides of polarity. Usually lovemaking and sex involves some friction interplay between the two of them.

And couples often get into ruts. Playing the same role over and over again.. functional..but not really hot.

So, consider this your nudge to step outside of the same roles, and find new ones.

Discuss this together. Identify the old ones. Name the new ones you want to play with.

And then see what happens.

What do you discover?

Do you learn more about yourself and what makes you or your partner hot?

Do you like it more?

Go on, give it a try.

You’ll probably like it.

What’s your favorite thing you learned during this?