Author: Joanna Intara

If you’re stuck in endless, seemingly non-resolvable, conflicts with your partner that don’t seem to really stop, there IS a way out. And yet, you can’t see it because you’re not aware of exactly what the full ‘cycle’ clearly is that has you getting into this conflict over and over again.

Once you identify the repeating pattern and make THAT the enemy instead of each other, you’ll finally be on your way to healing. Let me explain..

You might know that you get into the same argument/ fight over and over again, it’s achingly familiar, but you’re not fully aware of each micro-detail of the interaction and how it unfolds the same way each time.

And who could ever be expected to know about how to even know what a negative cycle is, until you’re knee deep in it, saying to yourself, “What the eff is going on here, AGAIN?” like my clients can often say when they are ‘in it.’ But there it is, familiar feeling, repeating, nagging, irritation, hearing the same things be said, and friction producing to your otherwise good connection.

This repeated pattern (which all couples have somewhere) organizes your behavior, you’re used to it, and I’m pretty sure if you lean into this naming of it with me, in all the details, you’ll be much more able to get a sense of the unique and negative relationship cycle that comes and nabs you, when you least expect it. And, heal and resolve it.

Finally, you get to have a way to process these endless, never getting to the bottom of things interference. These entanglements are trying to get your attention so you can birth a much better version of what’s actually possible for you both. That is what these negative cycles are all about…finally getting to the bottom of it, which I KNOW would satisfy your soul instead, (and mine, to tell you the truth).

It can be learned, named, resolved. And finally healed.

Here’s how.

First, you have to actually identify and have the awareness to see that a difficult and painful pattern, or cycle, repeats, and that it is particular to your unique relationship. No one else has this cycle. It does not play out with friends or others, only intimate relationships. So when you feel that familiar and painful repetition with your beloved, name it. Say, “we’re in our negative cycle.”

For example, you might notice that your partner says something about his preferences for dinner. You want something different. There’s a tone, a few words and a look. And you are activated. Then he is. You’ve been here before. There is a particular flavor and sense of ‘we’re in it again.’ You have to start noticing the feelings of it, the thoughts that go along with it, and the body sensations of it. And name them. And then to notice the stories you tell yourself about it. And then there’s the way you feel about the cycle after it’s over.

All this is work is to begin to be IN relationship with the cycle more consciously.

This is HUGE to begin to help you have a different relationship with it.

You’ve probably already noticed that the pieces of your negative cycle all have numerous expressions, over and over, that try to get your attention, with the hope that you decode what they mean enough so you can get into a more conscious relationship of what is actually trying to happen through the challenges. I call them ‘portal fights’, because they are a portal (as in swift vehicle to get to the roots of what’s REALLY going on) to get in touch with your negative cycle and the vulnerable material underneath. For example, there’s been an undercurrent of vulnerability whenever you have sex, that’s just not feeling good. It’s gotten more dramatic each time. It’s not about the sex, it’s about something deeper, more tender and more vulnerable., something that’s hard to talk about, and something that produces what feels like suffering without getting the relief you want. That is another key to knowing you are in a negative relationship cycle.

The cycle is the real cause of the disconnection..NOT EACH OTHER, And once we start accepting we have one, and many versions of it, we start to get free of them. I’ve had to get VERY intimate with the many faces of it in my own marriage over the years. It’s not been fun or easy to admit (especially doing this work ;-), but embracing this has helped heal almost all of them.

When we understand that the negative relating cycle is organizing our mind-body, and hearts and that it’s not what we want, we have an opportunity to really look into it and to get intimate with the resources that will be needed to resolve it, which is a start.

We’re used to thinking thoughts about the repeating challenges like,

“Well maybe he or she isn’t right for me…”

Or

“ This is too overwhelming…I don’t know what is the right thing to do…”

Or what I used to do…

“Not this again – “ We must choose to notice our habituated responses.

When we embrace the power of our choice, we can choose to embrace that we have a cycle, we accept it, and when our partner does too, we can see we are both part of what unfolds. For example, he brings in the groceries in a way that annoys you, but you don’t know why. It’s easy to criticize him in complaint. He reacts to that. It escalates. And yet, your criticism is also part of the cycle as much as whatever you think he is contributing as well. We can notice the repeating painful patterns and do nothing, or, we can choose to apply wisdom so we can start healing it. That’s a choice. And when we team up to go hunt that negative cycle, before it comes and snatches our happiness, we’re already healing it, because making the cycle the enemy is very powerful. Blame that if you want. But not each other.

When you do this, you are redefining what it means to partner, because now instead of any blame or attribution towards each other, you are the hunter of the negative cycle together, and that is the power position for healing to be in. When I’ve seen my clients do that, huge healing can start to have a chance to happen, every, single time!

And this takes practice, courage, humility and forgiveness to do this, because you can’t always get it right, despite your best intentions. It will require tremendous understanding, honestly and deep love to get to the other side. It can be done.

Conventional therapies and most coaching in this area focus on just action based to-do steps, (insights that are supposed to magically transform you – but they don’t have the embodiment to BE those insights) and talking ‘around’ things (saying, ‘yup, it’s hard,’ and asking you what you think), but never actually drop into the core of the heart, body and nervous system of what it really takes to shift into a healing, intimate relationship with all these pieces of the cycle like I’ve shared above. This is essential for real change, and it takes deep feeling with awareness, deep sensing of the body sensations and flow, honest reflection of the post conflict pattern, all of which is intimate and vulnerable work, especially with your partner. This is not just chit chat.. It’s what I mean by talking ‘around’ these things. It’s very deep work.

And most people who run these types of helping situations don’t have this awareness, embodiment and knowledge, let alone the ability and inner resources to help gather all the pieces of the negative cycle together on all the levels – mentally, emotionally, somatically, spiritually and sexually, to help you assemble it easily and clearly, which I excel at.

Book reading, journaling or weekend workshops or ‘codes’ ascension have failed my clients in this foundational area along with the thinking the relationship isn’t compatible for you either.

So often I’ve seen couples break up with one person, only to repeat the same negative cycle with another, it needs this level of attention so that it does not keep happening.

And when you do that…the world of sustainable (and satisfying) sex, love and closeness relationship opens up for you. It may happen quickly if you’re willing, courageous and open (what I’ve seen with my clients) Or, it may take longer if there are more layers of ancestral healing, blame, trauma and difficulty to wade through. Either way, it’s worth it weight in gold, for the sustainability that is needed, that’s what you want, and the beautiful gifts of closeness, intimacy and more amazing sex that it brings to your love and happiness.

In my 3 months private, hybrid 1:1 and group program, I help coaches, entrepreneurs and professionals figure out how to specifically unearth, roto rooter, heal and dissolve the most vexing of negative relationship cycles, and then move from disconnection fallout and failing to give each other what the relationship needs to thrive, into real, sustainable, sex love and closeness. In addition, we address intersecting attachment pattern issues, and thoroughly rewire them, along with decoding precisely what the root cause of the disconnection is. Email me at joanna@joannaintara.com me if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

One of the things I’m most proud of is not only how MUCH disconnection within and in partnerships heal when I work with clients inside my containers, but how that new connection becomes truly sustainable. That lights me up like the stars, HUGE. ⭐️🌟⭐️

And it’s something that I’ve been crazy passionately curating and honing my craft to deliver this for decades, literally approaching it from every dimension of partnership and relationship, in all things sexuality, intimacy, connection, and of course, love!

The thing is that people come to me complaining of communication issues and wanting those issues to shift. They DO shift, but deeper than that, what I empower them with is literally the structures inside their nervous systems, hearts, instincts, and minds to make those shifts last a lifetime.

And people don’t really know how to talk about how MUCH they need these things because honestly, as a culture, we are ALL still learning to talk of them and embody them and my mission and movement are on the leading edge of that.

People think it’s about just ‘talking through things,’ or me taking sides or telling people what to do, and sometimes, yes, we talk, and I lay things out. Still, really it’s about bringing deep qualities of presence, awareness, compassion, and many more of those awakening qualities targeted RIGHT INTO the messy, uncomfortable, disconnected places we all go through.

And THAT is the real work, to OPEN to all that and allow potency and power to build IN the most disconnected of places. It’s uncomfortable, edgy, and vulnerable…and it is worth its weight in GOLD x millions in the love and intimacy currency department.

That’s what it takes…to stretch big, expand wide, and bravely OPEN so you can get what you want…but are you willing to OPEN to that to get the intimacy connection jewels you desire?

Are you? A complaint doesn’t mean you’re ready? Brave readiness to truly finally respond to what you KNOW is there IS what’s required.

I’m not talking about insights that are the weakest link to change or a conversation of wills, drama, dominance, or finger-pointing.

No, no, no!

I’m talking about literally the permanently shifting structures,
deep inside your body, woven through your hearts, your minds, and interpersonal sticky places, because the ROOT cause of the disconnection is so deeply seen, heard, and resourced with whatever supports are truly needed.

And believe me, having been in the vulnerable, messy gates of partnership hell multiple times and come out the other side too, I know exactly the process of curated intimacy alchemy that transforms marriages, relationships, and partnerships that are needed RIGHT INSIDE THERE.

Let’s be honest, the path of real, sustainable partnership NEEDS this at the disconnection places, pockets, or at times deep painful chasms. And so, IF you’re resonating with this, with 35,000 hours of client’s face-to-face client hours, and over 35 years of partnership experience and extensive training on working with these issues, deeply trauma trained, I can help you with that…

Yes, it’s about alchemizing relationships into sustainability, AND it’s SO much more than that from what I see from my client’s successes.

Because what I’m really doing is a blend of multiple highly curated alchemical processes – of mind, of heart, feelings, and emotions, of bodies and nervous systems, of sexuality, and creating hotness, of cycle breaking when it comes to intergenerational relationship imprints INTO what is simple, clear and deeply sustainable and profoundly loving. 🤍💗🤍

Say goodbye to trying to read a book on relationships, or wading through self-sufficiency loneliness to get through what’s going on, or single focus coaching programs that don’t have the multidimensional support you need.

Why keep recapitulating the same relationship disconnection when you can STEP INTO a full-resourced container that’s expertly curated to address precisely the disconnection syndromes you’re facing and transform them FINALLY into what’s sustainable?

And this is precisely what we’re doing in The Marriage & Relationship Blueprint ™ program.

Because what’s inside this container is such deep precision expertise, well backed with a vault of every resource you could need…

I’m talking about highly curated, exclusive access to:

Highly Curated Intimacy Alchemy Sessions ™ – with multiple monthly sessions to intend, resolve, and integrate your deepest disconnection challenges.

Bi-Monthly Ask Me Anything Calls – client-led, where you can get support, training, and practices for anything you need or desire to make your relationship magnificent.

Relationship Hot Seat Coaching – whatever you’ve got going on, bring it, or listen to others and take away what’s relevant for you. Always fun and edgy, but in a way sure to bridge the disconnect and bring you clarity, consciousness, and closeness.

The Voxer Portal ™ – it’s like having me in your back pocket for quick questions or urgent matters when you need me, and where I’ll respond to whatever you send my way and be able to relisten to my guidance forever.

The Sex, Love & Relationship Comprehensive Assessment Questionnaire ™ – to give you a profoundly accurate and comprehensive overview, map, and process guide of the unique disconnection spots in multiple areas of partnership success – attachment history, trauma, sexual connection, communication skills, desires, needs assessment and so much more so you can rapidly expand your awareness, amplify your intentions, clarify your conscious desires, and do it with clear structure and support.

The Royal Relationship Resource Vault – access to my growing body of work with weekly added videos, training, practices, resources, and everything you need to regenerate and rebirth whatever you’ve got going on between you two into something sustainable, supported, and sexy. Ongoingly updated in response to YOUR needs!

And, I’m adding to this all the time, so much more to come – based upon what I learn from you is actually most desired. I got you covered.

If this feels like something you’re interested in, please send me a DM so we can chat about it.

PLEASE NOTE: I am only accepting 8 spots in the next round to give everyone the full and spacious support they need.

Investment is $7777

P.S. I’ve just got done adding extra clarifying love sections on the Sex, Love, and Relationship Assessment that is sweet and juicy; if I do say so myself, it’s simple and seriously clearing.

You couldn’t get enough of each other…
intoxicated with the erotic…
the most gorgeous, soulful, dripping sex and lovemaking every day and then power struggles hit your love-field like crazy.

Is the relationship over or not meant to be?

A Big NO!

But, the truth is you just don’t have the embodied resources, TOGETHER, yet to consciously evolve the interpersonal growth work between you that the relationship brings up.

But you can, and if you want to go from romantic love to the promised land of true love, this is the real honest work of the evolutionary partnership.

First, we must give ourselves massive compassion when the power struggles start.

Why?

Grok this. The love hormones that are secreted in the falling in love period; serotonin, testosterone, and oxytocin and SO powerful. But just how powerful are they? Most of us don’t realize. The brain can literally only sustain the most effects of it for up to 18 months.

And after that, there is an unimaginable, PROFOUND drop. It’s the equivalent to coming off of heroin and science has proved that. The purpose of these chemicals is to bring us together, in trust, love, connection, and togetherness. But why, if only to drop us after the falling in love period?

Because, we need that togetherness to navigate the next stage, the one where the rose-colored glasses come off and our evolutionary partnership work begins.

And if we are not in a partnership of convenience or convention like most of our parents were, then we have to commit to a path of growth, together.

We offer an understanding to ourselves and our partner at what we are actually trying to navigate.

AND

– We have to be honest with ourselves and our partners about what our real issues are.
– And start to name them.
– And own our triggers instead of blame and accusation.
– We have to look at how we do vulnerability.
– And honestly name all the other power struggle places, the issues that get brought up for each of us under them? The feelings, the beliefs, the patterns…

This is the deep and honest work of partnership IF it’s going to be one in which we actually grow, not just get stuck in roles and patterns, and do what I call the ‘neurotic work-around.’ THAT, I observe results in one person waking up one day and acting out in one form or another. It’s usually good.

And there are some coaches that do speak about the evolutionary partnership, but no one I know blends the undeniable partnership worlds that come up with my alchemical magic that comes from 35,000 hours of face to face client work – on love, connection, intimacy, sexuality, trauma, spirituality, money, vulnerability, courage, blueprint, ancestral healing, cyclebreaking and so much. My magic is attuned, medicinal partnership curation, for exactly what is needed for you each, and you both.

And when you truly surrender to the work that evolutionary partnership asks for, and the honest messy-human work underneath of it, then you get to have a thriving relationship, not one barely surviving or on the brink. You get to move into creativity and that is an essential ingredient to design the blueprint that IS going to work for your unique relationship and its history, influences, needs, desires, hopes, and wishes. The sooner you commit to that work, the more quickly it evolves.

Helping you go from the romantic love, power struggle phase of a relationship and questioning each other and yourselves, to curating together a solid, personalized partnership blueprint that helps you master how to actually do evolutionary love and maximize personal growth work in the process is what we do in my three months 1:1 hybrid group program where I help coaches, entrepreneurs and professionals. Email me at joanna@joannaintara.com if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

The problem with couples relationships isn’t communication problems, it’s that deep feelings aren’t dignified with deep hearing and seeing, and felt sense communications…

“Why can’t I state my boundaries without heart pounding, tears, or being afraid of what the other person’s response will be?” I was asked this week? It’s not that there is something wrong with you, or that you can’t do it.

Hear it this way – this is a redirect from your body to clear the somatic imprint that goes along with expressing needs.

And you start by temporarily releasing ALL the stories that the mind tells you about why or what’s wrong with you or your relationship or thoughts, perceptions, or images. You can come back to them anytime, but for now, we are going a different way.

To where?

Below, underneath the issue of boundaries, there is a deeper story trying to be told.

There is a deeper part of you trying to express and we are going to listen and make space for exactly what that is.

My guess is that it’s been trying to get told for a number of years around boundaries, and that it is perhaps an old or older story so it probably feels very familiar, right?

You can see what of that is true for you, even right now.

And while we don’t engage the story too much, we also use the story to point us to the link up – the connection. We can see that when we have an issue with stating our boundaries, we have body sensations. Our heart pounds, we have tears and fear. We make sure to locate all the issues IN our bodies.

We identify the sensations.

What are they?

And where in the body are they?
Do the sensations move?
Are they active or static?

We are engaged with curiosity, observation, awareness, and presence, NOT at the thoughts, but the (what I call ) the body-field instead.

We put our attention THERE.

And what are we noticing about our experience when we do that?
What happens to our sensations?
Does anything change?
Does it move to a different location?

Ten times out of ten times I can say for sure that there will be a noticeable shift of some kind. This is my direct experience both as a client and guide, repeatedly!

This is part of how you start giving the body sensations part of what they need.

But what’s also important here is that those sensations have memories, stories, and very relevant history to be shared, heard, revealed, dignified, and seen for what they are.

As in…

– When I feel heart-pounding, and I want to share my boundaries in my partnership, it reminds me of every time I tried to set a boundary when I was younger. (relevant history seen)
– My father was threatening, he would come up behind me and be very intimidating. And my mother froze and just cried silently. (more relevant history)
– I couldn’t tell him how I felt. (heard, seen, dignified)
– I wanted to. But he was so forceful that I just trembled trying to smile, and no one really knew that because I shoved it away. (original impulses heard)
– But now I’m putting a voice to all this. (seen and heard in the now)
– Now you are seeing me. (seen and heard in the interpersonal)
– Now I can see how much all this stuff has been linked up in my body. (making connections)
– Now I am present to it. (giving it what it didn’t get before)
– Now I can be aware. (and zooming out to see all my parts and inside them)
– Now I can make a choice to do something different because I am no longer locked into the overwhelm because I am meeting it. (and I have a choice today whereas I didn’t then.)

This is part of a process called RESOURCING.

And it’s what body sensations need when they call out for it in interpersonal challenges, or desires, or conversations amongst partners.

And the truth is that they won’t go away until they can come home in this embrace you feel here.

And I love how much the coaching world is starting to acknowledge there is trauma, but I can’t emphasize enough how trauma aware – is simply that.. Aware there is trauma, it may not mean they are trained or embodied or practiced and that is key. Sometimes those trained in trauma aren’t also relationship, love, and sexuality experts. With this work with me, you get both, and so much more.

And when you resource your body, in all the activation places that relationship conversations can bring up, things literally cannot stay the same, thoughts aren’t the same, emotions aren’t the same, desires aren’t the same, words are different, presence is different, and without a doubt, the conversations shift always for the better, the more real, the more honest and more transformative.

This leads to the precious gem of intimacy that for me, makes life worth living. It is truly a treasure to behold and it’s available for you too when you decide.

In my 3 months private, hybrid 1:1 and group program, I help coaches, entrepreneurs and professionals go from the overwhelming body sensations evoked by boundary conversations, to becoming safely embodied and resourced to confidently and securely state their needs, desires, and clear limits or boundaries with the one they love. When this happens, watching the intimacy, love, and closeness expand is the biggest gift of all. Email me at joanna@joannaintara.com if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

I’m feeling feisty today so read on, or stay away, lol.

It always makes me smile with triumph inside when people look at me, my relationship, kids, and life and assume with jealousy or trying to conceal their envy, that I have been lucky.

For freak-sake!!

I thought I would take a moment to dispel false projections and be honest.

Allow me to share with you just how ‘lucky,’ I have been.

Big reveal time.

Somehow in my soul’s desire for liberation, which I take full responsibility for, I ended up choosing a biological family filled with levels of unhealed trauma on literally every level, which stunned the small fear-based community I was from.

Mental, Emotional, Financial, Sexual, Somatic, Political, Religious…TRAUMA…it oozed through the pores of my family and became the gossipy talk of the mostly small-minded, fear-based, town.

No love, no safety, no containment, no guidance, no consciousness, no desire to, only trauma responses, fight, flight, numb and fawn, and all the syndromes and godless identities that come from that.

VERY lucky as you can see.

And yet, it’s how I know these realms with such deep, undeniable intimacy, and AUTHORITY.

And I experienced the impact of those traumas that made me all the false identities –

– too much,
– too intense,
– a problem,
– not enough,
– a trigger,
– shame,
– guilt,
– codependent,
– fighty,
– fawning,
– totally dysregulated, to start with.

My therapists in my twenties would hear the stories in the lineage of my early and teen years and ask me how the eff I made it through. They’d scratch their heads in disbelief that the person sitting in front of them was the person who had been through this lineage.

How did she do it?

And yet somehow I did make it through, I heard my soul calling super young… at age 9 it started,

I almost died in the ocean that next year when three riptides pulled me under in the ocean,

And if that wasn’t enough, I then experienced the grief of the loss of my entire blood family through emigrating thousands and thousands of miles away,

And then, being egged on to end my life at age 12, by my mother, no doubt.

So you see, I heard the messages loud and clear from spirit, to do or die, as in die and leave the planet or start waking the eff up NOW…(that’s the do part)

Spirit did not mess words with me…

I was completely unparented and felt like an orphan most of the time.

I seemed to make it through high school years with a few transcendent mentors who saw me and saw me deeply. This was key. Thinking about their impact on me right now, I’m crying.

Then, I was leaving for college with less than $100 in my pocket and being financially strangled from getting student loans, because I had sex with my high school boyfriend and my mother was hell-bent on seeing me emotionally and financially snuffed out like she was, and punishing me financially for that, and they were claiming me as a dependent (so I couldn’t get student loans), being practically disowned when I had a Buddhist wedding at 27…I mean it just went on and on.

Sure sounds lucky to me, 😉
But here’s where I feel tremendously fortunate.
And how I always led myself,

Two simple things…

1. To have had the thought all along that, I knew there was SOMETHING SO MUCH MORE FOR ME….that THIS insanity was NOT all there was, {someone today needs to hear that},

and…

2. The gifts of my karma ( I call it my karmic legacy inheritance) have made me one of the most resourced and therefore richest people on the planet.

The karma gave me tremendous gifts.

Those gifts are my powerful, and life-changing medicines.

My medicine serves my community.

And in turn, my community of soul-satisfied humans and couples, go out into the world and produce securely attached children, thriving businesses, healthy bodies, smoking sex and love, undeniably changed lineages and cycle breaking, trauma resolved, undeniable freedom, resourcefulness filled up in bodies, incredible health, and put holy, heartfelt and sustainable love vibes out into the planet.

I know when I die, I will die free, complete, and totally fulfilled.
And my mission is to empower as many of my clients who truly wish for that as well.
Really, there is NO more time to waste.

That knowing is my redemption, my liberation, and whatever your version of this is yours too. Please do share with me what that is.

What other mainstream liberation path besides partnership has so many followers globally?

Not even entrepreneurship.

So, yes, I’ve been ‘UN-lucky’ perhaps, but I am one hell of a fortunate woman, and I’m happy with who I am,

I’m at peace,
I think to myself how blessed I feel to be with my hubby,
my healthy children in a free country,
to run my very profitable business as I desire,
to enjoy our gorgeous mini-mansion in the mountains,
to be enjoying a healthier everyday body that’s feeling and looking good for my age,
to have all my fingers and toes and to have a consciousness that can CHOOSE to make magic and medicine out of anything that I like.

That’s not luck.

That’s character, choice, resources, creativity, and most of all love and compassion.

Let go of the idea of lucky.

It doesn’t exist, except from the trance-mind identity place of not having empowerment.

I say that with full acknowledgment and recognition, that as a mostly white woman, I have had many opportunities that many of color have not, and my full intention is to use my privilege to support the undoing of the darkness, create reparations, and healing ongoingly.

Create whatever the EFF you want.

Create it from whatever place you have passion for, with the resources you have and the medicines you already have, and whatever your history, I KNOW you have them.

Compost and churn whatever crap you’ve got, get support and shine it into the diamond you are. If I can do that, with the ‘luck’ I’ve had, anyone can.

I know I’m not alone. And I’m here to lead. I’m reminded of Maya Angelou who said, “I come as one, I stand as 10,000.” You’re welcome to stand with me.

And I can’t wait to see what your version of more and legacy is, especially when it comes to transformation, partnership, and intimacy. Just try on what sustainable soulmate love in your body, heart, and being…might look like…and the benefits it brings….the all the way benefits….

Surprise me.

Surprise yourself.

Love you on the journey with me.

It’s not that you’re incompatible and should break up because it’s too much, it’s that your souls have chosen to liberate so fully though the partnership and the big chunks of karma/trauma you’re working through need a level of curation, holding and expertise few have been trained to bring into relationship practice.

But how?

You start by letting go of the stories you’ve made out of the ‘too muchness or too intense or too overwhelmingness’ of the relationship.

You recognize those as being false stories that one or the two of you made up, in earnest, to try to contain what hasn’t felt containable, manageable, and processable.

Keyword, ABLE.

As in, have the capacity to do so.

And you both let yourself see that because you are BOTH so passionate, so driven, and so desiring of goodness that when it doesn’t translate in love, it lights you both up THAT much. You both actually DO want the same things enough, and there is much love there, and seeing that it’s about ability, not some proclamation or sentence on the viability of your relationship, is HUGE.

THAT, is not a problem, unless the mind makes it one, which it will if there is not enough support.

Ability can be learned, conditioned, and practiced.

And so often what I see is that the intensity or overwhelm is because that ability hasn’t been born yet, but both of you deep down really WANT it to be born. Why else would you have the conflict that you do so ‘intensely’?

Getting on the same TRUTH page about that is hugely de-intensifying and calms things down quite a bit.

And you let this truth be reflective of how deep you both are. And how much the relationship serves to illuminate the power of your love, your good desires, and how badly you want things in the way to be liberated.

You remember (through coming into awareness of this in your body), how much the relationship path IS a liberation, freedom, or growth path for you, a path to develop freedom, consciousness, healing, and all the other amazing things you both want, that again, are so so SO good.

This is what made the attraction so compelling to begin with. This truth of desiring freedom, of experiencing profound love, and unmistakable soulmate or twin flame connection.

The false story that it’s all too much starts to fade away. It recedes. Because it was never true to begin with.

And the support that you need to truly shepherd the intensity, overwhelm, and apparent too muchness of the relationship gets legitimized, brought in, and actually felt…

FELT and SENSED….in the body!

– Deep inside the overwhelm
– Deep inside the too muchness
– Deep within the intricate knots of frustration and pain you’re experiencing
– Deep within the nuances of communication, disconnection, and longing
– Deep into the conditioning, karma, and the liberation desires you both have

And THAT…

Changes absolutely everything!

Receiving the necessary layers of support to help you both become masters at being able to navigate BIG multi-dimensional and often complex energies that a truly liberating partnership can bring is absolutely key.

And from what I see in the online space, most programs address just one dimension, like mindset, or communication skills, single focus relationship classes, a book, or quick fixes, but they do not focus on making the work wholly SUSTAINABLE, which leads you right back to the overwhelming stories and more tragic, the let’s break up conversation.

Liberation, freedom and the embodiment of love and real regulation inside the overwhelm is not a light little weekend dalliance.

Having multiple layers of expert support inside the layers of all those nooks and crannies in the muddy spots, support that really sees you, that’s highly nuanced and sensitive, deeply somatic, that’s spiritually understanding, and deeply dignifying is critical and the linchpin to success.

And when you embrace the release of the stories, the embodiment of what’s really going on, and the receiving of the intricate curated layers of support in all the edgy spots, you get SUSTAINABLE love, and very often deeper…soul mate love, the kind that makes partnership truly worth being in and doing the work to receive.

In my three months program, The Marriage & Relationship Blueprint, we work on transforming overwhelm, intensity, and almost breaking up-ness, into sustainable and soulful love and partnership that’s a true vehicle for liberation, freedom, and a potent crucible for transformation. When this happens, watching sustainable intimacy, love, and closeness expand is the biggest gift of all. PM me (http://m.me/joanna.intara/) if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

“Why do I constantly feel like my relationship is on shaky ground, like any time I say/do something ‘wrong’ the other person might end it?” A client asked recently.

You are NOT here to be canceled in a relationship dear one, instead, your unresolved guilt and abandonment issues are calling for non-judgment, support and resolution. And now is the perfect time to start to bring the resources to them they most need so you can say what’s in your heart and feel deeply secure that all will be well.

But how do we begin to bring in those resources?

First, we must bring in context, because it creates connection.
Of course relationships bring up absolutely everything for resolution (not just to mess with us). And we often forget, a primary relationship with another, brings up all the primary relationship stuff with our earliest caregivers. Usually that is mother and father, but not always. It’s that kind of path, both tremendously deep work and also a huge opportunity for growth as well.

And to walk this path, you must have courage. And compassion.
Courage – the fire in your heart to acknowledge that you’re about to, and you will face some intense material that’s deep and vulnerable.
Compassion – to bring constant tenderness, understanding and empathy to all that this brings up for you, of course, with your history it is going to be a lot. The little one is also tender.

You embrace the opportunity to grow. You see that you are being given a tremendous chance, to heal and release from the past, and to take that healed state back to your relationship and create anew from it. This is tremendously empowering and liberating.

And if you are afraid of being abandoned for doing something wrong there is also guilt running the show which is a giant judgment. You start to be curious about the feelings. You ask…

– If I didn’t judge myself as wrong, what would I have to feel instead?
– What would those feelings be?
– Identify them.
– Find out what body sensations are connected to them.
– Identify those.
– Bring presence, awareness, and attention to them.
– Notice what happens.

Many can find small bits of movement from just this alone.
The feelings you originally had, probably someone told you they were wrong, or you were made to feel as though you were wrong.
But they are not wrong.
They are just what they are.
They are from your heart.
And we are honoring them now.
We are witnessing them now.
We are dignifying them now.
And we can see the judgment of ‘wrongness’ is simply a label to keep them in survival safe-keeping until the time to thrive is upon you, and that time is now.
You are more calm because presence is with sensations. And so are your compassion and courage. That is stabilizing, not shaking. Shaking belongs in the history of the there-and-then!

And they are finally getting what they have needed for so long. And then this state is different inside of you. And you are not abandoning them, because for the first time in your life, you are being WITH them. There is the non-abandonment medicine right there. How can the fear of abandonment feel the same?

It can’t!

And this is what it takes.

Over and over, not just in the guilt places, but all the judgment and unresourced places. And it’s time. And so resolving, because now you get to have clear conversations that feel stable, secure and well responded to. Because you have done the work. And from there, intimate conversations can deeply flow, and love can grow more, because all these healing qualities and resources that you’re bringing into the judgment, and the body ARE love in action. Remember, love is a verb. Only fabulous things can come from that, that I am sure of.

I know the coaching industry really means well, but many do not have the training in emotional regulation, somatic work, trauma release, PTSD, while also being integrated with mind, and the intimate work of the partnership path. It’s a real specialty and I’ve met very few. And this kind of work really needs that synthesis, care, attunement and unique curation to what you’re dealing with, in the realms you’re dealing with it in.

Helping you go from feeling guilty and like their relationship is on shaky ground from speaking their truth to feeling solid and secure to safely express what’s in their heart and have the conversations that need to be had in a way that feels connecting, sustainable and satisfying at long last is what we do in my three months 1:1 hybrid group coaching program where I help coaches, entrepreneurs and professionals.

Nothing remains abandoned in the healing process and so that fear is dissolved. What people do from there is an expression of their creativity as relationship undoing energies (like guilt or shame) get undone and the heart is allowed to share wild and free as she or he desires. And from there, the sexual connection has a huge upgrade as well. PM (http://m.me/joanna.intara/) me if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

I know it seems like she’s nitpicking at you, and you’re taking it personally and ready to run for the hills. But really, she’s probably feeling self critical of herself and needs you to just love her and support her to get underneath the judgment to what’s in the heart instead.

This post is mainly for the men. Because every man I have ever worked with brings this up at some point in our work together. Along with WTF do I do because I love her, and she’s driving me up the wall.

First.

You must disengage. Take a giant step back. You must know, this is not personal. So often women criticize and complain when there is something in their heart that feels too much. Remember, us women change rapidly, goddess knows I can be four different women by lunchtime and then on to the rest of the day. We change quickly, unless you’ve been a real asshole, and then we might be pissed for a righteous while. 😉

Next.

Bring your awareness to what you know of her criticism patterns.

• When does she criticize most? When she’s tired? Hungry? Unheard? Undersexed? You probably know her better than anyone so reflect here.
• Is she going through stress? Has she had an overwhelming event in her life lately?
• Is she unhappy with herself? This is huge. It is hard for women to feel this way and when we are overwhelmed we can get unhappily in our minds.. Mental, lol, until the energies shift.

And with this awareness you can start to see if you can sense what the feelings are underneath. What is in her heart? See it. Identify it..first for yourself. Ask yourself what support she might need for that feeling, based on what you know of her, your intuition, and your instincts. Empathy? Softening? Understanding? Seeing her? Listening lovingly? And the most important thing next….

GIVE IT TO HER FULLY, GENEROUSLY AND WITHOUT POWER TRIPS.

Only because your love for her is that pure – and your heart is mature enough to be that generous and you can manage your little one inside who could get offended or insulted that she was behaving critically. Don’t get hooked. This in no way means have no boundaries. You know where the lines are. And enjoy the power of your detachment while being in heart driven, leadership action.

That impresses us and gets our attention.

And the storms can and will pass.

Now I know this is NOT easy for all men to do. You have got to be big, strong and clear in your purpose, not to mention your love and devotion.

And when you do that, she will respect the hell out of you and be softened in her heart, which can then be freed up to shower all over you in gratitude and freedom and all her other delicious feminine goodies.

And if you fail or get stuck, which you will, forgive yourself, and begin again (like my husband has said to himself and me, many times).
It’s practice, not perfection.
REMEMBER THAT!

And yes, there are a lot of feminine masculine teachers and coaches out there, but this work for men often brings in the need for somatic resources to deeply embody these things because of the conditioning that men have about responding to critical women – often in the patriarchal matrix, it’s to retaliate, to double up and power over, to dismiss, to fight, to numb or to totally people please their woman, and make no mistake men, what I am inviting is none of that. I love helping men unravel and be the men they truly wish to be in partnership, on all the dimensions, emotional, mental, action, somatic, and sexual as multidimensional as women are, just differently.

What this is IS the opportunity to step into the expression of your mature masculine in heart, engined by testosterone, heart, soul and in deep harmony with the feminine. In this way, the mind becomes a servant.

Supporting you to go from feeling like she’s just nitpicking you personally and you’re ready to run for hills, to being able to know exactly how to handle what’s going on to get to the heart of the matter and relate with all your masculine energy about it from there is what we do in my three months 1:1 hybrid group program for professionals, coaches and executives. When that happens, I have only seen connection flourish, intimacy grow like wildfire, safety increase and well the sex, I’ll let you imagine how hot it gets. Huge upgrades everywhere. PM (http://m.me/joanna.intara/) me if you’re interested and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit.

I have an amazing offer for entrepreneurs, coaches and professionals who are…

married or in relationship, who love each other but feel stuck to give each other what they need in order for the relationship to optimally thrive, and have the satisfying sex, love and closeness they so deeply (and often secretly) crave.

We work together for three months on the following things:

1. Identifying and healing your negative, repeating relationship cycle and your own unhealed individual attachment & bonding patterns that plague your connection.
2. Decoding and getting precise clarity on the root cause of the disconnection; often past traumas (overwhelming events) or unresolved relationship wounds or injuries.
3. Developing the personally curated resources to address the disconnection wherever it is present – mentally, emotionally, somatically, spiritually and/or sexually. This is where you get to receive my Intimacy Alchemy wisdom from my over 30+ years and 30,000 hours of client experience. These resources will empower you to co-create, develop and curate your unique marriage and relationship healing blueprint.
4. Embody compassion, forgiveness and love for your partner and yourself, so thoroughly,  so that you can have the deepest healing in the most needed of places

As part of the program, you get regular private meetings with me, Voxer support in between calls, practices to do on your own, and a private FB group plus two group calls per month with others who are also doing this work.

In order to qualify for this offer, you must…

– Have enough awareness to know that there is more to what’s going on than you can see, and you do love each other deep down and are smart enough to see that this resolved relationship piece will only add to success in every other area in life. 

– Have done some work together to have a sense of what might be going on with  the relationship

– You know that 1+1>than two.

– You don’t want to walk away from what you have in reactivity or blame and are wise enough to be humble that this work is bigger than you can do alone

The price for this offer is a respectable mid to higher four figure investment, but small compared to…

– So much time lost to time-consuming relationship trauma-drama and the stress burning cycles that don’t resolve the issues, not to mention lost time and focus from many other areas of life.

– And then there’s the cost of mental and emotional preoccupation and the taxing heaviness you feel. 

– Lost joy.

– Not having the sustainable secure connection you crave and the space that occupies. 

– It’s costing abundance monetarily and everywhere else, stress, family, sleep and health.

– And the time this negative cycle devours, not to mention the love and goodness in your partnership, potentially splitting up and the expense on all levels that would involve.

If you’re interested in this offer, just send me a PM and we’ll connect to see if it’s a fit for you.

In your initial message, please let me know what your relationship is like right now, what you would like to see change, and what work you’ve already done to deal with the challenges.

When an entrepreneur rebrands, it’s not just a shift in colors, fonts, and logos, it’s a re-emergence of herself as a woman, an upleveling of her services, genius and ability to deliver them.

We’ve all been there, and in this moment, I am happy and filled with liberation tears to say that I am that woman.

I’m super proud to present to you the new branding for my work, offerings and service.

This includes not just my private clients, but group programs, and two centers I am just now opening here in town to serve the communities here and clients worldwide.

You might have noticed, I’ve been a lot quieter on social media as I settled in my new home in Montana, not just physically, but screen overwhelm and general pandemic exhaustion and this new re-emergence of my work was gathering the necessary potency to emerge with all the magic it truly is.

Allowing that, No push, no force, just trusting, allowing and now the new baby is here and I’m a bit crazy in love.

And letting potency gather in your body, mind, heart, soul and sex is worth its weight in gold for the juicy fill-up that then gets to ooze out effortlessly into your relationship with life. It’s elixir, it’s medicine and it’s potent.

It’s a sweet discovery to feel arrived (even though I know we are always arriving) in the mastery embodiment of the dynamite, tour de force alchemist I am here as, having sloughed off so much karmic conditioning in the last years, and deepened into my magic, thanks to the HD and Gene Keys wisdom and delivery of one of my recent coaches, Elisa Canali.

Thank you so much. ❤

Boldly proclaiming, that I own being an Intimacy Alchemist so deeply in the marrow of my soul and service bones, no longer hiding in judgment, fear or apology, thanks to the workout of the ones who told me they thought it was narcissistic to post photos and offer my work. Ha!

Like…

The Marriage & Relationship Blueprint program I’ve been testing in the works for months with my private clients, is now in full force.

The channeling from my relationship guides for over a decade, who are here to support the full harmony of the masculine and feminine energies coming into balance, harmony and creativity, is going to be available soon,

The expert level nervous system regulation work into blueprint embodiment of mind, body and spirit leading the way, for those overcoming trauma and for couples.

The exciting binaural beats for all things intimacy and couples emerging here shortly,

The TV show with my hubby debuting here too..

And…, and…., and…so many more fully baked offerings.

Honestly, these are just a few of the things, and the rollout is exciting and probably going to surprise many of you. Line 3 HD, what can I say. 😜

Yes, this multipassionate, alchemy queen has arrived and she has no apology, mostly deep body peace, bliss and a whole lot of relaxation and pleasure. That’s how we do it. It’s how I was effortlessly able to have a multiple five figure month last month while resting the most.

And I bring this same efficiency into my work that has my clients buy over and over again because the unique alchemical way I have helped hundreds and thousands to heal is powerful, compassionate and makes relationship nothing less than soulmate sustainable true bliss.

It’s what gets my clients relationship growth, results, and transformation from trauma like I’ve not heard about elsewhere.

And every day, I’m grateful to trust the deliverance of this work and I make no apology for all the pleasures it brings – to soul, mind, heart, body and relationships, including my own.

It’s all possible for you more than you’ve been able to know yet, because there’s no one weaving the inner and outer intimate worlds I do, with deep nervous system regulation at the root, and expertly integrating it into all the mental, emotional and spiritual blueprint potential inside of you as well.

This is the magic of what we’re doing over here and I’m so excited for all the profound sustainable change I’m seeing in my vortex, the one I’m welcoming you into as well.

If we are new, welcome in, and if we’ve connected for a while, I’m so glad you’re here too.

All Love Always,

Joanna 🤍💗🤍

I want to also thank my awesome V.A. Khadija Rafi who helped me operationalize my vision for the design into being with me as the Art Director and Designer of this site. You’re amazing!