Author: Joanna Intara

They have been married for about eight years and had two children age 6 and 3.

They were both very successful in the workplace, Layla was a successful entrepreneur and Liam was the VP in the startup.

They look and talk like the typical Bay Area couple, creative, on the ‘getting woke’ path, and the desire to keep being successful.

But after five years of marriage and two small children, the toll on their sexual closeness was seriously starting to show.

They lost their excitement, their steaminess, the seduction energy, and had collapsed into a trance of sameness, resonance and compatibility that felt more like roommates than the scintillating hot lovers they once were.

When they came to see me, they seemed to feel a bit embarrassed that for all their intelligence, they couldn’t figure this out. They didn’t really fight, or when they did they fought fair and well. They didn’t go to bed angry at each other, and yet, for the first time now, they were bickering and blaming about the lack of sexual hotness between them.

How common this can be but no one really discusses it because it is SO vulnerable, tender, and painful It can be occupying and eroding of goodness, if not repaired.

You see, the beginning of fighting in this domain actually brought some edge, some tension, in a way that they had been lacking in the hot sex department.

We just want to get that lit up in the right direction, so all the hot, steamy sex and deliciousness can be yours, as quickly as possible.

Couples, and especially parents often get into a rut of sameness, resonance, and evenness in all the compromising, compatibility and cooperation required to have a partnership function well emotionally and on the day to day.

And that’s not bad, but when that leads into the bedroom, THAT same closeness and resonance, makes sex fizzle.

Because sameness, resonance, compatibility, and cooperation, DO NOT lead to erotic friction or tension, the kinds that makes bedroom sex and lovemaking so hot and steamy, the next day you’re almost embarrassed to look at each other because it was like ‘holy OMG wow, I can’t even believe we were like THAT’ kind of hot sex.

And in our work together, we started to explore, the availability to receive heart opening, to be available for intimacy, and to open and cultivate the different flavors of erotic and tension through the dynamic play of masculine and feminine polarity.

Liam had noticed he became stuck in worry of how he thought he was supposed to be loving on Layla. She felt his anxiety, but neither of them wanted to discuss it because they didn’t want to get into a difficult discussion. This translated in well established sex patterns, that while they ‘got the job done’, (because well, nerve endings) but they did not cultivate the hotness and smoldering sexual connection they desired.

Sometimes it required opening, farther beyond what they were comfortable with. It looked like playing with new edges and roles that had gotten lost in the shuffle of being successful parents. It felt like unlocking the control of having to keep it all together, and instead, learning to play with all the masculine and feminine flavors of oneself that there are to play with.

I wondered what would unfold with them, since it looked like they were very committed to practicing the erotic tension and friction work we opened up during our session.

After a few weeks, Liam and Layla came in looking very different. The furrows on Layla’s eyebrow looked softer. Liam seemed more relaxed. They looked more connected, but with more edge between them as well. Their faces were bright and alive.

I would say that for sure, there was a definite magnetic tension on the room, palpable and visceral.

Just as they had longed for when they first came to see me those first few hours.

So happy for another couple to be getting the hotness they desire.

Isn’t it your turn?

Would you rather learn to turn up the hotness in sex and lovemaking..or wonder what happened to the once smoldering fireworks you used to experience while time goes by?

And… I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

No one ever told me how to get and keep a marriage or relationship hot, sexy, close and steamy.

When I look down the lineage, I have few examples of that.

And I think it created a lot of problems.

Kids not seeing their parents happy and loving and connected.

Not seeing their mothers squeezed and kissed and loved up real good.

It left a template of struggle and disconnection and no good juicy mojo in the bedroom department.

And that really affects the family, especially the children, more than people acknowledge or realize!

So it’s no surprise most of us, like myself, arrived at adulthood wondering how the hell to maintain hot sex love and closeness.

Wasn’t it all just supposed to work out like the movies had shown us it could be?

If we were harmonious, cooperative and compatible in all of our non-bedroom activities, shouldn’t it just translate easily into the bedroom?

If we fight fair, which we eventually learned to do, wouldn’t that keep the sex dirty and hot?

And one day, after the millionth detail with the children that we partnered up on, and organizing finances, and arriving at the same places together, feeling we were at peace, but it simply

Didn’t… Translate… Into… Hot… Sex… Love… And Closeness…

Here we had set all this time aside, kids were away, fresh sheets on the bed and a cool breeze blowing through the bedroom. But while we were so agreeable, and connected, full of cooperation, good enough communication, and great intentions, there was no spark, no flame, no edge. And it hurt and felt gloomy and not what our grand plans had been.

You know what I’m talking about…

And you rack your brain wondering where you went wrong.

And doubt yourself and think what is it about me or him, and why is it not translating in bed.

You even start to think maybe you’re not compatible.

And that is frightening because you love each other, and you can’t decipher or decode exactly what the problem is.

So you blame yourself or each other.

Which is even worse.

But the problem is that none of that is the real issue.

The real issue is that no one has taught you and most likely your partner either, how to create erotic tension in a way that is creative, playful, and sustainable. Something my husband and I had to learn, and are honestly still learning to grow and expand continuously as the work continues on.

I mean, you’ve got to give yourself a break because it’s only in the last 30 to 50 years that we’ve even begun to start studying as humans how this stuff actually works, let alone put it into practice that is accessible for humans and busy parents.

See what I mean?

And so the solution is to dive in deep on how you create erotic fiction. And sexual tension so deep it becomes creatively explosive with bliss and deep peace, which as couples and parents, we desperately need for family balance.

You both, diving deep on how are you discover the different qualities of both masculine and feminine in yourself and your partner.

And how you bring life to those.

And play and interact with them.

And cultivate the endless play of possibilities with all the flavors of masculine and feminine, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and more.

With yourself.

And each other.

And the dances you do together.

They are infinite, and once you know and embody this in depth….your erotic tension and chemistry can be the endless as well.

Now THAT, is hot!!!

And you want it.

NO. You need it.

Because truly this life is too short to live without it.

And I deeply want you to have it because I know how much healing and goodness this brings.

What is the first thing you notice inside when you’re reading this? What excites you?

And… I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.