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Blog Parenting

If You Want A Radical Shift In Your Ability To Have Hot Sex, Love And Closeness, Practice THIS….{{warning..!!! it will move the needle quick}

So you want more Hot Sex, Love and Closeness this week?

And you want it to be easier? Especially when it comes to the kids and family.

Practice this.

Identify the ONE thing together that you want to be easier in your family.

Name it.

Both of you.

For example;

  • more ease
  • less conflict
  • more joy

Once you have it.. here’s the thing..

Identify how that thing lives in your body..

For example…If you want more ease.. find the place in your body that says.. ‘I want more ease.’

And the sensations that go along with that..

Like my husband and I practiced this the last two weeks while the kids were at camp and it turned up the intimacy factor on our connection HUGE amounts.

We decided we wanted more ease with the feeling of worry in general. Maybe you can relate to the feeling and wish it would leave your body.

And in our body, that desire looked like warmth in our chest area.

So you focus on the feeling, vibe and sensation of that desire.. for us, warmth in the chest.

But yours will be unique to you.

And keep breathing into it. Sensing it.

And it expands.

And flows.

And preps the mind and heart to follow suit EASILY.

And now, I’m feeling very close to him right now.. and him to me.

And that only leads to juicy things.

And there’s no doubt this is affecting our kids as well…they’re calmer, happier and there’s more SPACE… and it’s feeling really good.

Remember, it’s a practice.. and when you do it, momentum grows and then SHIFT happens.

And Sh%t that’s negative in your family STOPS happening.

Give it a shot. It’s about being with the feeling of the sensation..so it can receive the presence it needs, and therefore not create more drama by going unattended to and then figuring out another way to get your attention.

I know you’re going to like it.. probably LOVE it.

And I’m SO excited for you to experience it.

Tell me what you’re committed to doing this ONE time this week and that you’ll practice this with your beloved.

Let me know with a heart.

Categories
Blog Parenting

Name One Negative Family Pattern To Your Partner And Do THIS To Shift It.

My husband and I used to bicker sometimes.

And then lo and behold, the kids had their own version of it one day.

It wasn’t fun. And we shouldn’t have been surprised.

And we knew we had to shift it and this is how we did it.

And how you can too.

Ready?

Next time you’re with your partner, name the ONE thing that you don’t like about your kids. (It’s okay to admit. Everyone has something…)

Got it?

Good.. Okay.. and now…

I want you both to name how that pattern lives in the two of you.

How it speaks.
How it feels.
How it acts.
How it gets addressed by the two of you.. or doesn’t.
How it gets what it actually needs by the two of you, or doesn’t.

And notice how that feels.. just to get that out.

And then…I want you to ask..

  • what it needs.
  • what it wants.
  • what it is asking for to get healed or addressed so it can STOP.
  • and what commitments it needs from you to cease.

And then, really simply… I want you to DO it.

And then see what happens.

This doesn’t have to be hard if you’re willing to take a risk to do it.. and give it the help it needs..

For us, when we bickered, we would get inside of the apparent argument, and then ask ourselves what was underneath it.. what it really wanted, what it desired. And we listened. And what we saw was that it was competition for control. That was relieving. And then we could be creative. And then we gave it the exact things it needed. And then, it really shifted.

What’s one thing about the kids that’s driving you crazy right now? Giving each other permission around this is the key! I’ll go first and share mine in the comments.

LMK in the comments..

I got ya on this one.. and I KNOW this will help because I’ve done it myself.. and so have thousands of my clients over the years, with huge a-has, breakthroughs…

And, it ALWAYS helps turn up the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness dial…

  • because healing.
  • because freeing up of energy
  • because kids happier and more resolved
  • because you’re more released as well..

Let yourself have the experiences you need… to get the hot sex, love and closeness that you so deeply crave and desire.

Can’t wait to see what you find.

Categories
Blog Parenting

My Clients Tim And Bryce Went From Anxious Family Dynamics To Peace And Ease, {{And Upped Their Hot Sex, Love And Closeness In The Process}}.

I can usually feel whatever the unrest is with my clients and intuitively where it’s located within a few minutes of them working with me.

So when Tim and Bryce came to see me after being together seven years, both mega high powered careers and two children, age eight and six, I knew where to begin, right with the complaints, the disconnection but also to regrow the love they clearly had too, that they didn’t want to lose.. and so, we got to work very quickly.

They were wanting more closeness, more connection.. and had been feeling their love dwindling amidst the demands of family life.

There was the typical subtle blame and critiques I often see in couples, along with challenges in being vulnerable and undefended.

And there was this undercurrent of anxiety and unrest that pervaded all the discussions. And I wasn’t sure how aware of it they were.. or how deep they had gone into it.. So I decided to ask about the kids.

And then the reactivity heated up.

“They’re just so needy. They gobble up all the energy we have. And they just never seem to want to chill and be calm.”

Here we were..right at the crux..overwhelmed parents..feeling anxious..not supported in being to simply chill..and then the kids have the same pattern. Your kids will reflect the patterns that you currently have, right back at you.

It’s more prevalent than you think.

We inquired into that pattern.

They felt the same energy in their kids, as was inside them.

I helped them see their kids behaviors as an expression of their own, so they could see how it was playing out, so they could heal it.

And worked to resource, self-sooth and contain their own anxiety which stemmed from their own growing up patterns.

They strengthened their commitment to be healthy.

To handle their stuff.

To face their behaviors, and see the impact, and to help their family have more ease, peace and calm.

And like 100% of these cases before this one, the kids completely followed suit, and at the end of our three months of coaching together, they were happier, lighter.. and the kids became some of the most chill kids I’ve seen.

A huge turnaround for sure!

And Tim and Bryce, well let’s just say it’s pretty amazing to see how clearing up the anxiety freed them up for mega watt love, connection and hot sex like they hadn’t had in a loooong time.

They learned to tolerate the anxiety in their body by learning to bring presence right in the sensations of discomfort, and how that shifted into ease which then flowed through their body, and into their hearts and minds, affecting feelings, thoughts and how they behaved interpersonally, and then that affected the children.

Now seriously, isn’t it your turn..to transform the negative energies and dynamics in your family and get on with the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you KNOW you’re meant to have…

While having chill and calm in your family…

Now that brings a big sigh of relief and a smile to my face…

And I want you to have your own version of it..deeply!

Because you need it and your kids need it.. much more than ever.

And then you can be the hero of helping them have the relationship future filled with all the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness they deserve while paving the way for them..

The ripple effect of the future of your happy children and your own relationship peace rests in your hands…

What’s one way you can work to self-soothe and bring down your anxiety this week?

Categories
Blog Parenting

My Son Tells Me What Kind Of Relationship He Wants, And It Made Me Thrilled Because This ONE Thing We Did Made ALL The Difference.

In the middle of winter this past year, my then ten year old son Emanuel was snuggling in the bed between me and my hubby.

He loves to spoon for a little while, then has me scratch his back.. finally letting me caress his cheek tenderly while synchronizing our breathing together which relaxes and restores his whole nervous system into deep alrightness.

I don’t know how long this will last, but my Mama self savors every moment to infuse his precious heart with all the conscious ingredients that make a fantastic relationship filled with all the good things we all need and deeply desire.

And with him, we’ve really worked to provide great care to be conscious of the transmission we give him about love, sex and closeness as he gears up towards puberty and is developing his inner structures about all this more passionately than ever before.

I have to tell you, it’s touching to watch him get interested in girls…and also a great responsibility to be good role models.. because I KNOW that children who feel the transmission (think healthy energy!) of their parents having hot sex, love and closeness start adult relationship from a COMPLETELY different vantage point, not to mention eliminate so many of the challenges that can plague us in the world of adult relationships. You know…

And I know.. Truth is sometimes, we didn’t always give him the great modeling despite some of our best efforts.

We were fallibly human. Like the many times we weren’t perfect containers, or lost our shit and got frustrated. Or when we were stressed, overwhelmed or just plain tired. And the kids felt it.

We had leaky spots where we had to clean up our commitment to BE healthy in these areas. Like when childhood wounds that were still healing and getting integrated, infiltrated the space and the kids didn’t like the energy and reacted. Big Neon sign cue to get more committed to clearing it all.

To practice what we preach and have integrity.

To clean up our own family emotional dysfunction, that was passed down… (there was plenty of it)

To resolve to be mindful of what words we used and especially the tone we used them in.

To decode, confront and heal the places where the kids triggered our own stuff. (which they did)

We weren’t perfect.

Or conscious all the time.

We made mistakes.

And worried we’d mess the kids up.

And we relentlessly worked our asses off and did the darn work.

The growth work.

The healing work.

The repair work.

The commitment work.

The practice work.

The forgiveness work.

The repairing work of healing negative patterns of connecting.

And on this cold wintery day, rain falling softly outside, when we least expected it, after hot cocoa and a nice fluffy tuck in of the billowy marshmallow color comforter, my sons says…

“Mama, I want a relationship just like you and Daddy have, someone I can be close and connected to as well…”

My eyes popped wide open.

And I exhaled.. and breathed a deep sigh of triumph and relief.

‘Enough there.. enough goodness and rite transmission from us went IN.’

…even though we weren’t perfect… cause we weren’t.. Thank God!

Not that we’re coasting because let’s be honest, there’s always more deep work to do.

But we’re on the right track because of doing all these things, these practices, the forgiveness work, repairing the struggles, the healing of the inside parts that were responsible for negative patterns.

And you.. you’re seeing same things with the kids.

Not too far away from what you’re seeing in yourself and your partnership.

Things that maybe not everyone else notices. But you do.. because you’re on it.

And the last thing you want or need is your kid reflecting back to you that you’re exactly what they don’t want.. in any way!

And you want the best for them and for you..

A Healthy and Rockin’ Hot Sex, Love and Closeness Relationship.

The kind you want deep in your bones.. and NEED deep in your soul.

Yes.. you get to have that.. and you get to be supported in it as well, because aloneness with these things never got anyone anywhere.

So what’s ONE thing you can do to BE the healthy Hot Sex, Love and Closeness transmission for your kids this week? K. I. S. S. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart). For me, this week, I am demonstrating being a good leader under pressure for my daughter, who pushes me to see where the line is. I know if I do this, she’ll inspire others to be a great leader too, and she’ll have great boundaries as well.

Feel free to send me a private message here so I can send you some good energy and support as you’re doing the work.

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

Be Willing To Own Up To THIS With Your Beloved, And Watch What Happens Instead.

I can usually feel whatever the unrest is with my clients and intuitively where it’s located within a few minutes of them working with me.
 
So when Tim and Bryce came to see me after being together seven years, both mega high powered careers, and two children, age eight and six, I knew where to begin, right with the complaints, the disconnection but also to regrow the love they clearly had too, that they didn’t want to lose.. and so, we got to work very quickly.
 
They were wanting more closeness, more connection.. and had been feeling their love dwindling amidst the demands of family life.
 
There was the typical subtle blame and critiques I often see in couples, along with challenges in being vulnerable and undefended.
 
And there was this undercurrent of anxiety and unrest that pervaded all the discussions. And I wasn’t sure how aware of it they were.. or how deep they had gone into it.. So I decided to ask about the kids.
 
And then the reactivity heated up.
 
“They’re just so needy. They gobble up all the energy we have. And they just never seem to want to chill and be calm.”
 
Here we were..right at the crux..overwhelmed parents..feeling anxious..not supported in being to simply chill..and then the kids have the same pattern. Your kids will reflect your patterns that you currently have, right back at you.
 
It’s more prevalent than you think.
 
We inquired into that pattern.
 
They felt the same energy in their kids, as was inside them.
 
I helped them see their kids behaviors as an expression of their own, so they could see how it was playing out, so they could heal it.
 
And worked to resource, self sooth and contain their own anxiety which stemmed from their own growing up patterns.
 
They strengthened their commitment to be healthy.
 
To handle their stuff.
 
To face their behaviors, and see the impact, and to help their family have more ease, peace and calm.
 
And like 100% of these cases before this one, the kids completely followed suit, and at the end of our three months of coaching together, they were happier, lighter.. and the kids became some of the most chill kids I’ve seen.
 
A huge turnaround for sure!
 
And Tim and Bryce, well let’s just say it’s pretty amazing to see how clearing up the anxiety freed them up for mega watt love, connection and hot sex like they hadn’t had in a loooong time.
 
They learned to tolerate the anxiety in their body by learning to bring presence right in the sensations of discomfort, and how that shifted into ease which then flowed through their body, and into their hearts and minds, affecting feelings, thoughts and how they behaved interpersonally, and then that affected the children.
 
Now seriously, isn’t it your turn..to transform the negative energies and dynamics in your family and get on with the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you KNOW you’re meant to have…
 
while having chill and calm in your family…
 
now that brings a big sigh of relief and a smile to my face…
 
and I want you to have your own version of it..deeply!
 
because you need it and your kids need it.. much more than ever.
 
and then you can be the hero of helping them have the relationship future filled with all the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness they deserve while paving the way for them..
 
the ripple effect of the future of your happy children and your own relationship peace rests in your hands…
 
What’s one way you can work to self-soothe and bring down your anxiety this week? 

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

Ask These Two Things From Your Relationship Messes, LISTEN.. And Then Do This Instead.

And old teacher taught me something valuable.

He said,

“Human beings are going to get into trouble with each other.

But what matters is HOW human beings get out of trouble with each other too.”

This is the value of a relationship, of the journey of tending to the disconnection places..so we can have more connection…which very often leads to hot sex, more love.. and greater intimacy..

  • the things you secretly you crave
  • and admit to each other in the quiet night hours that you know you need
  • that is NON negotiable to do without anymore.

So when you get into trouble.. into mess, because you will…

Ask these two questions about it.

First, identify what mess it is.

Give it a name.

And then,

Ask the mess.

  • What are you trying to tell us?
  • What are you trying to birth through us?

Give space.

Listen.

Mind the defensive guards on top of your greater truth.

Breathe.

And receive the illumination you need.

There is always an answer inside of you.

Always.

For example, my client Kay would find herself feeling very painfully disconnected from her partner.

And the next time the intolerable pain arose they sat together…and asked the disconnection what it was REALLY trying to tell them, and what it was TRYING to get happening for them instead.

Notice the difference between happening ‘to’ them versus ‘for’ them. Empowerment versus feeling victimized is key.

Honestly, asking the questions was everything. It OPENED the channels.
And for Kay, she saw that the disconnection was asking for simple presence without reacting.

And it made her start showing up differently in every fight and completely turned the relationship around.

How many of us would benefit from this very simple shift?

Apply what you find.

Diffuse the rat’s nest of disconnection.

Get close.

Get intimate.

Get more in love.

Get more sex.

You in?

Tell me, the MOST important thing you can do right now to help birth the medicine in your mess? What attitude could you have? What shift could you make?.

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

When You’ve GOT TO Have More Closeness & Intimacy, This ONE Shift Will Propel Your Way Out Of Unbearable Mess Straight Into Closeness Miracles, Even If It’s Feeling Sickeningly Sucky Right Now.

There’s nothing that sucks more than feeling disconnected and cut off from closeness and intimacy in your partnership.

It hurts, a lot.

It takes time.

It cuts into the sex,

The love.

The closeness.

It affects your family.

It makes your mind distracted at work which creates more agony.

And costs you sleep, creates anxiety, and heartache.

You could continue with that…

But why would you when you can find out how to fix it for free on my recent Livestream.

Seriously.

It’s time you took care of this.

Before it costs you more precious loss of connection, hot sex and love…

The things that make relationship worth truly living in.

And create deep wellness within you and your family.

We’ll riff on all things;
– what to do to end the negative cycle of disconnection between you two
– how to create the closeness you crave, even if it’s been off lately
– the ONE commitment I make each day that produces the closeness and intimacy I desire… and how you can put it into practice straight away

How long will you go without the intimacy and closeness you need to make this partnership thrive with soul.. and truly worth living in?

You could keep paying the price to stay disconnected, unhappy and groaning about it for the umpteenth time…

Or you commit to taking the step to get going making sure THAT reality doesn’t happen and join us.

Who’s ready to make that move for themselves?

Who’s ready to make the shift?

Your choice…if there really is one.

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

Identify Your Relationship Messes With Your Partner Like THIS, And Watch What Happens To The Struggle, Even IF You Feel Doubtful Anything Could Help.

I’ve got a question for you;

When trouble comes up, do you:

  • fight with your partner to keep away from the feelings underneath?
  • fly away into screen time, or some other distraction?
  • or get numb.. with food, alcohol, drugs, porn or any other addiction?
  • something else..(you know your specialty)

We live in a culture of distraction and addiction.

And it’s made it really hard to have true closeness and intimacy in relationship, like you crave.

So instead of tuning out on Netflix next time there’s trouble in your partnership..

You can ask the two things I’m about to share below instead.

You can’t spend more time on any level bypassing the messes because they’re going to get EVEN MORE dramatic, for the sole purpose of, trying to get your attention.

They actually want healing. And they’re not giving up or going away.

It doesn’t work that way.

So you can deny it.. and have more trauma with the drama…

OR…you can ask this of the mess instead, and get even more connection and closeness you desire.

Ready?

First. Stop resisting the mess..because the medicine you seek IS inside the mess you find yourself in. You just have to slow down enough to get it…and you will.

Ask. What’s the complete 180 degree flip of the mess you find yourself in?

For example. You’re in a complete bickering moment with your partner on any given issue.

180 degree flip?

You’re in a total loving and supportive moment with your partner, filled with creativity.

What does this show you?

The true purpose inside of the mess.
The place to go.
The place to head towards with all desire you feel about it.

That’s what you need to cultivate instead.. that’s the secret inside of it.
That’s the medicine in the mess.

Focus on that.

Develop that.

And see…THAT.. is what is underneath the mess.

Trying to get born.

Trying to speak, but not yet with words, but energy.

Trying to come through.

This is CRITICAL if you want more closeness, more intimacy….which I KNOW you do.. because you’re here..

This is not just a ‘nice to have it after all these other things are in place,’

Noooo it is NOT really negotiable.

You could keep telling yourself it’s not really that important…

That when THINGS FROM THE OUTSIDE HAPPENS.. .theeeeeeeen you’ll truly address the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness issues.

And by then you’ll be in what condition.. how will you feel.. watching time go by…wishing it was different…life going by?

Days? Months? Years going by.. not having the most awesome Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you deeply need, desire and deserve?

Really.. you really can’t…nope.. not gonna work…

Who wants to join me this week in inquiring deeper into the mess?

And what’s ONE WAY, you can get started doing that now.

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

They Were Ready To Go Separate Ways…But Committed To This ONE Thing Instead, And Healed, Even Though The Pattern Had Been There A Long Time.

I once worked with a man who saw me over a period of ten years.
 
He came in with his first wife, not able to move past the negative relationship cycle of blame, criticism and subtle putting things on the other person.
 
She loved him, but she’d had enough of his ways.
 
Rarely, it’s already gone too far by the time they come to me (which is why you shouldn’t wait!), but this was one of those cases.
 
But to his credit, he came back with his new girlfriend (post ex wife)…still not willing to do the deep intimacy healing work… and she left him as well.
 
And then, because third time’s the charm, he came back with engaged to be married lady #3, determined to break the cycle.
 
He wasn’t upset or irritated.
 
But he was pretty disgusted with himself and how he’d handled things, not wanting to sabotage things again for the third time.
 
And he looked me squarely in the eyes with intensity and asked…
 
“How do I get past the fantasy that if I’m with the right person, that there’ll never be issues that trip me or us up?”
 
This is the idea that so many people have.
 
They think the honeymoon period should last forever, but that chemical combination in the brain is not sustainable.
 
You HAVE to cultivate true love.. which is where the work of intimacy with all your inner parts: your feelings, thoughts, intuition and instincts comes in..
 
And he struggled with that.. as many of us can and do.  Very few get taught how to do all this stuff… but if we truly need Hot Sex, Love and Closeness, which is in NO way is optional or negotiable, you’ve got to take this in.
 
I turned to him, Andre’, and shared THIS.
 
“The medicine is IN the messes you find yourself in.
There will always be messes as long as we are human.
Your job is to be intimate with the mess.. to have enough presence with it, enough compassion, enough space and enough curiosity to see what exactly it is trying to show you… do you know what that is…?”
 
I was strong in the way he had asked me to be.. so my intensity level was matched to the way he needed to breakthrough… because really, it was now or never.
 
An open space permeated what used to be closed, due to fear and insecurity.
 
And then, he got it.

  • His resistance…dissolved..
  • He embraced the mess, which you can so often resist.
  • He inquired deeply about the parts.. and what was trying to happen.
  • He listened… s p a c i o u s l y ….

And his relationship blossomed.. and this time, it was for keeps.
 
Proud moment for me…
 
And self-loving moments for him too.
 
The triumph of

  • releasing resistance
  • embracing the mess
  • inquiring into it
  • and attending to the inner parts by giving them what the actually NEED.

It’s an inside out job.
 
More intimacy with all your parts… creates intimacy in the dynamic.. creates intimacy with healing, which creates closeness and the connection that makes life worth living..
 
So if you’re on the fence.. and ready to leave or split up, this is your siren call.

  • it’s not too late
  • you can do this
  • and I’m going to show you exactly how to do this.

Don’t have ten years go by like Andre’.
 
What’s ONE thing you can do to create this for yourself this week?

Categories
Blog Closeness And Intimacy

The Crucial Shift I Made To Finally Create The Non-Negotiable Closeness & Intimacy I Craved, Even With Mountains Of Trauma And Sh%t To Overcome.

Some of you are new and some have been following my story for a while.
  
I grew up with virtually no role models on how to have Hot Sex, Love and Closeness.. the things my clients don’t just want.. not a nice to have..
  
 …but at some point in the journey, hands down, recognize that they absolutely need and can no longer negotiate their way out of it… believe me.. they’ve tried.
  
I should know.
  
I was one of those people.
  
And that’s why I know how to expertly work with them because I struggled like crazy.
  
I got into messes with my hubby.
  
Reactive patterns full of disconnection, pain and heartache.
  
We simply could not get on the same team at times, because the messes were SO huge and overwhelming {trauma and difficult upbringing, especially on all things relationship didn’t help}.
  
And there were times I’d want to throw in the towel.
  
I cried a lot.
  
And felt lost.
  
And he got upset.
  
And felt ashamed…like, shouldn’t we have this figured out by NOW?
  
Maybe like you think or feel.
  
And the thing that popped it around?
  
Deciding THIS.
  
The Medicine Is In The Mess You Find Yourselves In.
  
You have to get on the same path about finding your way out of the mess.
  
And the mess is usually the negative cycle of disconnection you’re probably in right now.
  
By embracing this, you team up against it.. and diffuse the trouble, pretty quickly.
  
And then you’re freed up, like we were, to be creative..about the connection we truly desired, the closeness we deserved…
  
And you literally, can’t tolerate it for another nano second.
  
It’s come to an urgent, unmanageable, not going to take this for another second HEAD!
  
You need the connection to get everything you want, and making a commitment to get out of the dark cycle together is what it takes.
  
That’s what it really takes.
  
That’s what you have to do.
  
It’s no longer negotiable.
  
So tell me, what ONE thing will you commit today to turn your Mess into the Medicine you need to have more closeness and connection?
  
One thing my hubby and I committed to was to willingly name the negative cycle anytime the mess showed up.  We gave our dark cycle a special name, bicker-hurt, coz that’s how it rolled.  It made us both laugh, release and get healing.
  
It can do that for you too.