Category: Blog

1. A relationship that was brought back from the dead after the couple hadn’t had sex in years.
2. Families that had long term estrangements that couldn’t sit down on dinner table without getting into a huge fight, now going on vacation together.
3. Several couples that never thought that they would ever be able to have a successful relationship in love got married. 
4. When my dear client found romance after years of a lonely single life.
5. And countless divorces avoided all have in common?

They ALL got the precise support they needed, and in the very EXACT areas they needed it in because they knew they could no longer repeat the same not working FOR THEM patterns that weren’t working anyway, nor could they give up on the power and gift of a truly loving, deliciously close and passionate love affair, while coming through all struggle or disconnection WITH the one you’re with.

And not only that, but they got that support when their inner voice told them that huge stuff was coming up for them and that it wasn’t a good idea to go at it alone, and end up in suffering, agony or even more disconnection AND NOT WAIT!!

And they were smart enough to realize that;

• Scenario 1 – The cost of repeating the pattern with someone else, 
• Scenario 2 – A $100K-or-more divorce,
• Scenario 3 – Seeing your kids less, or probably half-time and missing out on their childhoods which you can NEVER recover no matter how much apology or empathy towards your kids you have,
• Scenario 4 – Not to mention missing out on the juicy, wild sex and the exquisite, intimate loving and closeness you’ve dreamed of, completely soul-satisfying…  just your style.

And, that continuing this heartache could ALL be avoided if you simply knew how to end the relationship that isn’t working so you can finally birth the one that will. 

But who teaches that…??

Did you actually get that example growing up?

Not many. 

Did you know that almost 85% of the population (maybe even higher) has an insecure relationship attachment pattern.  Hello!

We have a huge gap in relationship skills, and high school life skills is a joke.  Many, especially right now, are not feeling secure at all.

And, it’s also for real that the divorce papers have you click the dissolution box… as in DISCONNECTED FROM A SOLUTION…

Yep, that’s really all it is…

Let that sink in for a moment, simply disconnected from the solution, which I am designed to bridge.  

And I KNOW, with the un-shakeable knowing in my heart that a mother has for her child, that I’m the best person to help you cross any painful gap of disconnection you find yourself in.

• Because I’m nuts obsessed about the science, soul, art and alchemy about what it takes to actually experience long-lasting, authentic relationship exactly the way you know you need and desire.
• Because I’ve been in partnership for almost 17 years with my hubby this year and have come through some powerful difficulties for sure, and it’s only getting better and better.
• Because I’ve logged at this point, over 30,000 client hours and over 36 years of practice with the success you want in the precise areas that your relationship needs. 
• Because not only that, but I’ve been obsessed with learning from the best and bringing it deeply into practice with all my partners since I was an eager seeker of what makes relationship work, starting at the tender age of 12 …(funny side note, but I was reading The Psychology of Romantic Love by Nathaniel Branden with my middle school boyfriend, both of us determined to be in a great relationship – who does that?)

And since all of my clients are very successful at work and are determined to be great parents, thriving in a relationship with the soul is no longer an option. It’s completely CENTRAL to your success, your relationship sustainability and your happiness, just as the scientists have shown. 

And because you’re so smart,

And you know your need to do something, 

And you know I can help you,

And you know you can’t waste another moment or endure another disconnecting silence or difficult struggle,

And you know I’ve got the resources…
Mentally
Emotionally
Spiritually 
Somatically
Instinctually
Intellectually
Experientially
Extensively Trauma Trained (not just trauma-aware or -informed)

To help you get what you need and deserve…

What else would be helpful to make the decision to work with me that’s going to change what you’re currently dealing with?

I’ve got a little something that’s a key linchpin to ALL my client successes and my own relationship-triumphs, and if you want I’m happy to share it with you. If you’re serious, just write an email to me and I’ll share it with you. And yes, it’s FREE. (No sneaky sales pages landing in your inbox)

As many of you know, I grew up in tremendous dysfunction.

All kinds of abuse.

And no one knew about it.

Because on the outside everything looked really fine.

But inside, I died a little each day because I felt so broken-hearted.

As you can imagine,
someone who had endless curiosity,
and endless depth,
who looooved nature so much,
who loved to draw and write and sing and dance,
who felt the presence of awareness and love deeply,
and was very open and cared so much,

would not have an easy time in a family with two dark warriors as parents, shut down hearts, full of criticism, contempt and hell-bent on self-destruction.

Not at all.

I knew, dawning at age 9, that all was not well at home, in fact, not just…not well,
but really off, really disturbed.

But I wanted to be like the other kids, who had parents that cared, were normal
and equipped to be parents.

I didn’t want what I had.

I remember one day sitting in meditation in front of my closet, summoning all
my will and heart to find my way through the door, into another land,
one where children and their essence were cherished, wanted and respected.

But instead, I got the messages,

I was a problem
And what I saw and heard and felt was a problem.
I was too much energy
And not enough, all at the same time.
I was good for what I did for others
And selfish for wanting anything for myself.
That I was too beautiful and sexy
And that it was way too much of a problem
And that closeness to me was wanted from others all the time.
But if I was really real and the wise me, I’d be rejected
And that it was weird and ‘off’ that all kinds of angels and images appeared in my mind before I fell asleep each night, guiding me though,

Those are the messages I got repeatedly as a little one.

Just let that in,
because I know lots of you have your own version of this to deal with, especially when it comes to relationships, and we all have our histories and lineage, in some way or another.

Let in, that I overstand (lol) this very much.

It’s really hard to overcome all those horrible messages about yourself.

And to believe that they were true.
And to see how much of your personality and body forms around taking these lies as gospel.

I know what it’s like to be sunken in false identities..
And you know what else, I know what it’s like to let my essence live free.

But it was really hard to deal with all those thoughts about myself.
And to behave, believe and feel as though they were true.

So for a while, I surrendered the battle to the fake identity (id)
that I WAS all those things.

I succumbed to all the attitudes, behaviors, feelings and actions that went along with believing the
fake id. (my husband and I’s term.)

And I felt the crippling self esteem, the oppressive inside voice that shut
me down and off, every time.

But I kept going in my healing.

And my relentless liberation for the truth fueled me.

And I finally, only recently came to accept the truth,

I am not a problem.
I am just plenty.
I see and hear things that need to be shared.
That my intuition is acutely right on, every time.
That my voice is one that wants to be heard.
And that I know the incredible value of a thorough, no stone left unturned, transformation journey.

It’s a bit bittersweet now to see how long I believed falseness about myself.
Bitter cause it hurt me.
Sweet, because there’s nothing more precious and sacred than knowing the truth of who you really are.
And what you’re meant to create and bring forth in this world.

And of course, from where I sit now, it’s undeniable who I truly am,
Even though it was deeply difficult to arrive here.

And I know,
We don’t all arrive at this ‘suddenly’ one day,
It’s a process that requires fathomless amounts of self-love and self-compassion.
I have to give this to myself each day.

And I was thinking the other day about all the adversities that I’ve had,
the sheer number of obstacles that I have overcome with the sheer depth,
and creative perseverance of my all my inner resources, and my brave heart,
I am a Scottish Goddess of The Wild, After all…;-)

And I realized, that those things, that I felt dammed with all those years, forsaken, lost,
broken, and eternally heartbroken, really were instead a huge miracle and blessing,
in helping me recognize the medicine that I carry.

Because I could hear what hadn’t been said,
And felt what hadn’t been felt, on the most intricate and whispered of places,
And what was in the relationship in-between places,
That was causing the trouble,
And I could feel true beauty, sincerity, creativity, power, and love, struggling to get through relationship tensions.
And the way through all of it.
By leaning into inner and outer support.
Which is exactly what I did and still do.

Because this is what I survived and lived through.
And it is part of ‘my story,’

And what I was dealing with, over and over,
so I know how to undo, even the most
tangled of entanglements,
they’re not just mental, or physical, or emotional, or sexual..
it’s usually all of them at the same time…
and it’s art and science, and soul, and awareness, and tension, and dynamism to break through them…

And my divine essence got me through.

And so I know how to be a Master Healer because of such relentless
initiations into healing, every step of the way.

And I know what it takes to thrive in relationship because of my
incredible inner strength and bravery.

And it’s also what makes me amazing at my work,
because I can have sincere integrity when I share with my clients

that I see
and hear them
and that their love matters
and so does their beauty, power, creativity, natural instincts and dreams,
and I see the way through the heartache of difficult relationship
into the one that you most desire

and you get to have that, all the way.

because this is what I went through myself too,
and as I deepen into it,
more and more,
the better and better it gets.

Now it’s your turn.
I’m here to walk beside you.

This is how experiencing multiple and complex trauma turned out to be a huge gift, not a death sentence, and made me a master healer.

I hope this speaks to someone’s soul today.

All My Heart…

I was done with fear, emotional dysregulation and insecurity. 

So I wrote down all the desires, and felt that longing for release deep in the senses of my body.

I spoke to these desires and asked them what they most needed and got the support to give them what they requested, and blew their challenges, written on a paper, into the fire and watched their energies released into the sky. 

A new partnership was born.  Not only between my husband and I, but also within myself. 

Now, we were able to start creating the truest love, passion and closeness that we felt was destined to come through us…one full of ridiculous laughter, ongoing fun and shenanigans, and a shared vision of contribution and generosity, all while having kids and being self-employed.  

We bonded even more deeply by going next-level in our confiding to each other our deepest desires, by facing the edges of vulnerability we had in our difficult spots, and leaning into them, and after so many shadow dances and it was obvious on my face for all my closest ones to see and now all of you.  

We celebrated all our triumphs instead of the trance of our conditioning, and we walked with love, awareness and presence into everything we are enjoying now. And thank god we had the team of support to help us do that in all the ways we as a strong, powerful couple needed that,

I’ve invested so much into my own partnership on so many realms, I was just sharing this with a friend this am, 
the emotional work, 
the sexual healing work, 
the lineage healing work, 
the mind training work, 
the vulnerability and trauma work (omg), 
and sooo much more! 

I combined all these realms together in my proven model because I had to find support from healers peace-meal, one by one.. not in one person.

I have zero doubts I wouldn’t ever be in the place I’m in my relationship without the massive support we got.  I don’t even want to imagine us trying to do it alone. But I know that many experience that and if that is you, I intend this reaches that place inside of you…

And that help is what I think everyone needs in this place if you’re done with wasting time trying to DIY when there’s no forward movement happening, and you’re tired of spinning your wheels trying to address something that you don’t have all the resources you need. 

The same is available for you if you desire it. 

Do you? And if you do, but feeling like you don’t know what to do next, or feeling the passion of wanting to do something different but you’re stuck in frustration and unrest, are you letting your desires move you into action that would help you?

I’ve Been Through So Much Trauma In My Life;

• arrived into my mother’s womb which was full of sexual and emotional trauma,
• ripped away from my immediate blood family when I was 9 to move to another country with my parents,
• almost died in the ocean when I was 11,
• almost committed suicide when I was 12,
• left for San Francisco at 18 with less than $100 to my name with zero access to student loans or grant because my parents were claiming me as a dependent while using my allocated school funds for themselves,
• separating myself from my very toxic birth family,
• overcoming some pretty serious relationships traumas and family of origin wounds and multiple abuses,
• losing a child in utero at almost 26 weeks while having to explain to my clients what was going on.

And what got me through? I remembered that I could overcome anything, and that my true self, full of love, awareness and presence was the ONLY thing that had ultimately ever helped my various suffering states.

I am the master of creating love, awareness and presence from the worst of challenges and honestly, despite what anyone outside me said or did, every minute, every second, it was up to me.

Which doesn’t mean I lived in spiritual bypass land or spent endless hours manically doing mantras to try make myself feel better.

It meant that each moment I saw I had plenty to clean up and heal, I allowed myself to choose what would awaken me into feeling freer, or face the results if I did nothing.

And doing that, helped me make decisions to grow more presence, love and awareness in every place of my life that needed it, and that was pretty much everywhere, for a long long time.

Not as in, I live in foo foo love and light land.. no…it means that I turned toward the presence, love and awareness in my heart.

And I grabbed a hold of it to non-stop face the shadows, unconscious and un-evolved parts and difficulties that I faced and knowing in my soul bones that THAT was the BE all, end of all suffering as the sages say, which I’ve experienced to be true.

There is a delicious sweetness that comes now as I sink and sense ever deeper into the love, presence and awareness that I am, even though, and I’m now proud to say, in spite of the fact that the pandemic of Coronavirus is here.

And the more I drink in this elixir of love, presence and awareness, the bigger it gets, and sometimes it makes me cry because the taste of presence, love and awareness to any challenges I have, is deeply dissolved.

And the best part of this, is that this is where I feel an ecstasy in my soul, along with the burning, because that is what awakening is all about, over and over, until it isn’t.

And because of this, I’ve developed a strength that gives me the ability to let my mind be the servant, not the master, to liberate from immense darkness and conditioning the space in my heart, mind and body to create what really matters to my soul. I became masterful at this self-liberation over time, even though from very little, I carried a crippling self esteem that wouldn’t let me admit that to anyone, let alone a whole page of people like you, reading this.

And yet, the more I became deeply embodied in my presence, awareness and heart, the more the muck would come in, and the more I would give all the things exactly what they needed and then I’d enjoy the benefits of joy, peace and ease that would come.

There really are jewels and gold there to be mined in all that darkness.. and they are waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.

And you get to enjoy those jewels you discover through your inner work, and use them to light up your true-soul self, whenever you desire.

When you accept that these jewels come from the rub of embracing doing the deep work, just like a pearl is formed from the irritated rub of the flesh of an oyster and you keep harvesting from the darkness of the true essence underneath,

You see that embracing that burning of whatever you are going through, is the answer to your deepest soul desires and longings you set into motion a long time ago.

And in moments when I am confronted, I breathe in surrender and acceptance of what IS, because I trust it’s part of my unfoldment, which means it’s also the key to my deliverance as well.

And if I have resistance, I will not allow myself to stray from the truth that my soul called this love, presence and awareness prayer out to me a long time ago.

And look, I know not everyone is able to do this, or face what’s going on right now, it’s VERY hard at moments,

But maybe, if you’re hearing that familiar whisper of you soul calling,

Do whatever you have to do to connect with others who ARE doing this work.

Get with people who are truly embodying love, presence and awareness, who genuinely radiate it out of their being, their voice, their eyes…you will feel it..

Seek out those who you can feel have not lost their love, their awareness and their presence and who show you how it can be done.

Let those qualities you experience in them nourish you, and become resources for you to host the you you’ve been trying to birth.

And trust that your desire for the deepest you expression of your love, your presence and awareness is not poking your personality into some neurosis or another for no good reason right now…

Now is the moment to bring these qualities forward in your life, to yourself, to your children, your partner, your business and your life.

And the perfect opportunity to never again deny whisper in your soul that guides you.

Whatever way it guides you to be the love, the presence and the awareness that your life, relationships and circumstances call forth from you.

Whether it’s the difficult conversation you just had…

Or the edgy experience you just had…

Or the discovery you just made of some internal part of you that you don’t like..

No matter what it is, you know where love, presence and awareness would serve you even more..

So give it. And not only that, freakin’ enjoy giving it and find pleasure in both the giving and receiving of this love, presence and awareness.

Especially and even when others are not where you are, and the world feels like it’s crumbling around you, because as we’ve known it, it is,

And if we’re really honest, there will always be others who aren’t able or willing to go there,

But you and me, we’re here to bring that.. that love, that presence, that awareness,

And if that’ not happening, why are we here then?

Be in your un-armored love.
Be in your deep presence.
Be in your pure awareness.

And immerse your field in those who are with you on your path.

They will add to your strength and you will add to theirs.

Because the field of love, awareness and presence you embody emanate determines your fulfillment in everything.

Just look at your life.

What are you seeing?

And what would you like to discover and bring into being instead?

Pretty sure most of you haven’t been to the gym lately, with all the shutdown.

Yoga studio – closed!

Fitness studio – closed!

Working out at home every day the way you used to before all this madness?

Probably not!

Yep, you got some extra lbs going on… and I’m seeing people not too happy about it.

I’ve got a few myself, and no this is not a post asking for suggestions or advice. {I’ve got my routine down pretty well now, but it wasn’t that way initially.}

I looked down at my belly this time last week and was feeling it’s roundness. Definitely not it’s usual.

It could have been easy to have an issue with it. Those familiar motor of self-judgment was revving up…

And then a wiser more spacious voice stepped in.

A voice full of regulation and discernment, which God, I don’t about you, but I really need right now.

She said, “Honey, it’s been shocking what’s been going on, madness really. And body fat, it’s a really powerful shock absorber, it separates, and sometimes you need more of it and sometimes you need less of it and that’s that….”

Ooh she was nice.

Forgiveness and understanding that different things will help to regulate our systems at different times.

And not to judge it.

And maybe a few extra lb’s isn’t your thing, cool.

Maybe it’s more movies, or more sleep, or more I don’t know what, but you do.

But please, just stop judging it, okay?

Big world trauma events trigger ALL our unfinished trauma fields and they need support and resources when we can, and we can choose that support anytime.

Just in case you forgot or needed a reminder.

PM me if you need support to help manage the overwhelm and the activation of what’s coming up for you.

I have your back with presence, heart and awareness and I’m here to help.

I know you’ve got a million and one preoccupations right now.

You’re dealing with the most unprecedented transition inside of your homes and your soul.

And what are you finding?
Are you resourced?
Are you triggered and activated?

Like many clients, I sense this isn’t going away any time soon, so of course there is MUCH opportunity here and I’m wondering what you’re going to do with it?

Reality for me this last week? Every single client I saw was deep in fear, uncertainty and anxiety at the current pandemic situation.

Many have lost jobs, money and in-person supports for their lives.

And while there are many choices available to us that overwhelm brings up, the most obvious one, the one that people forget and look to last,

Is to recognize that whatever we’re going through, and the messy human places it brings up…
…the way we lose our sh%t at home,
…or lose our cool with our partner, or get stuck in our trauma patterns,

That this too IS a call to return to the love and presence that we inherently ARE.

And at the center of this, with ourselves, is our partnerships, our relationships with the sacred ‘others’ in our lives and is where we have the MOST opportunity to re-Member this love, in all the ways it once ran wild and untamed, but became conditioned into the obstacles and blocks to love, that play out in our lives.

And these can definitely can get triggered during times like these, unprecedented as they are.

You know what those places are, even if no one else does. And it’s time we all admitted to ourselves what those are.

And what matters more than anything, is learning to mine for the love gold in the middle of this crisis.

And here’s how…I gave teachings (https://www.facebook.com/groups/wildloveevent) on..

Going Deeper Into Love And Authentic Relationship During Extremely Unstable Times.

Because we are all in way deep right now, into all our stuff that we have either denied, distracted from, addicted away from.. and now we have NO other choice but to return, to love, and to face it no matter how hard it is.

I promise you this is not going to be regurgitated foo foo, but honest, solid support, backed up by thirty years and thousands of hours of training and client hours.

There will be practical wisdom for parents, couples, children and families, and I’m an expert at weaving the worlds of trauma, systems, vulnerability and closeness.

I hope you enjoy it.

1. They never think that they would have a hard time doing successful relationship because success reigns supreme in all other areas of their lives. They’ve got the hot shot business, they’re head of start ups, they’re great parents…but the relationship has not been the easiest thing.
2. They underestimated the internal emotional, interpersonal and somatic resources that it would take to have the kind of success in the relationship world they are used to having everywhere else.
3. They overlook the reality that the things that haven’t been working well in the partnership realm are right now especially amplified, all over the place and it’s not pretty, easy or going away.

I totally understand all of this so deeply.. and yes.. it’s super important to see through the veils that have made it so you can’t see these things!

It’s non-negotiable, necessary, and right now I’m seeing those who have done the very tough work of facing their whole selves, their challenges and obstacles – they’re thriving right now, they’re feeling good, and they are making major medicine out of this darkness and enjoying those pearls of wisdom, born from the rub and irritation of challenge.

And in cases where there’s been any degree of distraction, addiction (of any kind, not just the obvious), fighting the reality, flying away or being numb (even to small degrees), it’s been extremely hard and troublesome, and I can only imagine it will continue to be this way, and my heart goes out to all those affected – we are living in unprecedented times!

And my guess is that the super successful ones think they should have figured it all out by now, solved the issue and be getting ‘on with it,’ like their successful jobs and starts ups and the like.

But they’re missing out on EXACTLY what’s needed to get the successful relationship results they want because they’re too smart to really see what’s missing on a realm that’s not their expertise, genius or obsession, but it is mine!

It comes super naturally to me that it might be annoying or infuriating to some people!

Things like;

HOW to assess what truly causing the disconnect, and even more so what’s needed to resolve it fully this time

HOW to develop the emotional and somatic resources to regulate the couples connection, so that the alone places inside of each person actually get what they need and can finally relax and come home to love, s*x, closeness and so much more.

WHAT to do to get at the real root of what’s going on, (and no it’s not going further into your attachment style – there are things far more inceptive and causal of relationship disturbance that almost no one addresses, but so deeply affects everyone).

And how the actual EFF to get through this quarantine and become closer to each other, in a healthy way, and have date nights even if you have kids.

I really see these things as being glossed over, especially right now and just not looked it in most inner work that people need to do, and it causes a lot of self blame, frustration, unnecessary separations and divorces, and untold, countless hours of heartache and being lost in conflict and disconnection

I understand how easy it is to just think things are going to improve, or hide under the shame veneer of I should have it all figured out by now.

So if you’re truly over being stuck, confused and ready to banish yourself to the bedroom during this quarantine period of time, while still hoping that career success will sort of carry you over…

If you’re looking at the bathroom tub and wondering if you can silently run your company, ensconced in water, with a few odd protein bars shoved under the door from your partner, while you can’t bear to look at them right now for the rest of quarantine…

PM me and say “I’m ready for relationship mastery,” if you want to have a conversation about how I can legit help you get through this and onto solid relationship ground.

Be smart enough to admit what isn’t your easy thing, or successful thing, so you can finally master it, like you know you want to in exactly the way you’ve always needed.

I know you can.. and you will.

And it needs to be spoken about, (even though some of you might not like me for it), because I’ve seen this behavior be extremely difficult to navigate in couples, in friendships, and there’s more awareness we can ALWAYS bring, especially NOW more than ever as countless couples all over the planet are cooped up with each other with very little elsewhere to go except inside their process EVEN deeper, or separate (inside their own homes and apartments).

I have also seen these behaviors in myself, and in clients and couples as well and let me just say, SO not easy to navigate.

There’s a time when the codependent person in the relationship wakes up to the fact they too have needs, and aren’t there to simply be a supply for the more narcissistic person in the relationship, there is A LOT there.

Anger…Resentment…Fear…Sadness and Hurt

Legacy of non-self advocacy pain…Identity Crisis

And sometimes the baddest assed over-compensationist boundary warrior/ress you’ve ever seen…

None of these are wrong states…

and yet the HIDDEN unseen narcissistic side of the codependent..the reactive EXPECTATION that instead of now constantly leaving the self, to go caretake…

That NOW, the other should soley, take care of them, only see them, go to them first, choose them, come get them…

I’m not saying this is entirely unhealthy…it’s healthy to want to receive care, support and reflection, and bring things into rite relationship with self.

And sometimes, at the vulnerable, intimate and messy edge of starting to create boundaries, there is hatred, anger and rage or other very difficult feelings – at not being supported to HAVE CREATED THE BOUNDARIES to begin with and at the original caregivers who did not REACH OUT and provide the support, care, reflection and checking in on the child who needed that.

And what if, some or all of these behaviors that play out later comes from reaction as opposed to response. Which is it in your case if this is you?

As in, ‘I gave for so long, and now I’m entitled’ or the first cousin of this, ‘I demand and expect (there’s the narcissism) for people to come entirely to me..come get me, come always reach out to me.’

Sound familiar?

And again, part of the narcissism IS healthy, but the question is – where does it become unhealthy?

Is the rage and anger at having lost self, fueling the demanding behavior?
Is the reactive expectation, boundaries, entitlement to you being exclusively catered to really meant to be set (and healthily respected from the caregivers) by a child in the face of the adult who sucked love and presence from them, when they were too little to give it freely, INSTEAD OF the person you’re currently in relationship or friendship with?

It takes A LONG time in most of the work I’ve done professionally and personally to heal all this.

There are layers and layers.

There are the earliest layers of when we first were taken over by our environment and when we left ourselves to go fuse with other. As in, after conception there is 24 hour period where everything that was in the field of the parents, the environment TOTALLY FUSES with the tender tiny zygote? Just think about that. What was in your field at that time? Can you see any places where you are fused with what was in that field that are playing out now? Interpersonally, mentally, emotionally, physically, instinctually, or financially?

I’ve been looking deep into this for me as I see now some of the most inceptive layers of my imprinting into codependency and caretaking happened at that time of my life.

And it continued on from there, because how we are conceived is how everything happens after that – implantation, the pregnancy, the birth, the attachment patterns.. and on it goes.

That’s a HUGE load of unraveling, unwinding, and re-templating ALL those imprints with presence, a healthy interpersonal field, and a re-regulated nervous system IN all the areas that exist in life.

This is NO joke and it’s big work and those of you doing that work I’m celebrating you because I know what it takes.

Some of you might find yourself resonating with this because you’re in it, you might be triggered because I’m reminding you of something that’s uncomfortable in this field.

This whole field IS very uncomfortable.

It’s filled with all the disconnection from self.

The loss of self and sovereignty.

The loss of attunement, seeing, empathy, holding and reflection by the other which in turn SHOULD HAVE been there to help you see yourself.

…The years of giving away and jumping out of self to go get for self, to feel safe, loved and connected.

…The continuous rupture of self by abandoning self for taking care of the other while sounding the perpetrated victim battle cry of ‘give to me, see what I did for you?’

…The codependent-narcissist import/export dysfunctional unconscious agreement insurance policy that you’ll get as long as you give, that finally ran out because you woke up, thank goddess!

So I hope you have the deepest of compassion for yourself…because it’s not easy at all. It’s grueling and joyous to come face to face with how we have left ourselves time and time again.

And yet, we must come into balance in our relationships, not in expecting or demanding the other to care for us as our parents and caregivers never did, but to make sovereign choices from the healed place to engage mutually, choice-fully and cleanly, free of reaction, demand, expectation, or outsourcing our’s inner childs’ needs to the others in our lives.

And when we do this in partnership or other relationships, the liberation of life and love-force (as I’ve said for years) is immense. It’s healing. It’s ecstatic (makes me tingle all over just sensing into it because I’ve taken this journey too) and what births is a nectar of presence, self love and awareness that allows you to create the deep wishes you’ve always had. You know, those deep soul whispering ones…

Are you feeling me? If this is you, I’d love to chat with you (you know where to find me) and hear more about your journey and walk you through it to the other side. I know we can, and that the entanglements you are sitting on are a goldmine of everything you desire.

Especially now, our sovereign access to ALL our life and love force, our presence, love and awareness is needed to navigate what lies in front of us.

Some people are not going to like this, but I’ve never been good at silencing my mouth when it comes to denied shadow parts, and there’s a lot at stake.

People’s everyday well being.

Couples conflicts.

Health issues.

And what I’ve noticed is a lot of posts lately about how hard it is for empaths at this time.

And I truly do get it, it’s freaking overwhelming and very shocking for a lot of people right now.

And for me, identifying as an empath is missing a TON of discernment, careful discernment that if given, can actually help us regulate our nervous systems far more effectively, create less stress, which ultimately protects our precious immunity at this time.

Specifically, the whole word ’empath,’ is already an identity, or an identification, a way we can take ourselves – a way I used to identify myself.

But there’s a huge difference between being an empath, and being empathic.

I don’t want to be an empath…I do, however, love being empathic.

Being empathic allows me to feel into any given situation, but being an empath can result in a total takeover.

Being empathic allows me the flavor and felt sense of what might be needed on a heart level in a situation -to bring compassion, but being an empath can result in being totally overhwhelmed, stressed, and out of my own body.

Being empathic allows me to choose and have boundaries of where I extend my heart care, but being an empath feels far more like a fixed identity that outsources my power and control to have me be something for others, while feeling inundated, exhausted, tired and nothing left for myself.

No, I do not choose that, no thanks!

The simple difference?
The boundaried discernment.
The sovereignty of where we are putting our precious, effing attention at every single moment.

And what’s definitely needed is the inner resources to hold at quarantine at ‘the front door of ourselves,’ before we take it into our whole being, so we can assess what’s needed, and bring the appropriate guidance, gaurdian-ing at whatever is needed so we can truly be empathic.

That is truly compassionate!

If we are overwhelmed and drowning in the identification of being an empath, what good are we to ourselves and those we serve?

We may be inadvertently caretaking and codepency-ing in our identity instead and that helps no one.

I am seeing empath overwhelm this week, and I have tremendous compassion for the cause, but I will not lose my agency to create wellness for myself each moment, and it’s not something anyone of us can really afford at this time either.

Neither should you.

I’m especially watching it with couples, and those in relationship. And there’s huge opportunity to redefine what we take on every moment, if you’re wanting to optimally thrive.