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Blog Closeness And Intimacy

If You Practice THIS, Emotional Intimacy and Closeness Is Going To Open Up For You, Even If You Feel Skeptical About It Right Now.

Some people might not like me for this, but there are some practices that if you have integrity for, will help you have the kind of closeness and intimacy you most desire in partnership.

And I know you want it…

So.. how often is it that you self assess for your own comfort level with being truly intimate for the experiences you seek in a relationship?

How often do you self assess for the inner resources it takes to be that intimate and close?
Do you identify them?
Do you know what they are?
Could you articulate them to your partner?

Have you?

Will you?

This couldn’t be more KEY.

How are you going to have the closeness and intimacy you desire if you’re not willing to do this first and see YOU inside?

Consider this your practice for this week.

Grab a sheet of paper, write down the current needs you have that you want your partner to fulfill, and ask yourself, ‘how am I relating to this need?’

See what you find…

If you’re really ready to have the closeness and intimacy you desire…

And quite literally change how your relationship closeness is feeling….

Tell me the ONE step you’re going to take to make the time do this week. I’m already blocked out in my planner to get it done.. it’s important to me, and I know it’s important to you.. and things always grow when we make the space and time for them.

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Blog Closeness And Intimacy

If You’re Wanting More Closeness & Intimacy, I Bet There’s More Room HERE To Grow.

We had a BLAST on our recent LIVE STREAM chatting on all the things that you don’t want to miss on HOW TO make closeness and connection with your beloved happen more easily.

And I KNOW you don’t want to miss out on how to do that because you haven’t given up on receiving the kind of connection and closeness you desire.

Let’s let it be okay that the number one thing that trouble couples is disconnection.

It could be financial, sexual or emotional.

It can be about the kids or about your in-laws.

It doesn’t matter which realm …but what does matter is this;

How you relate to all the inner parts that make up and engine your desire FOR connection in whatever area it is.

How you open up to all the pieces.

How you give them space.

How you hold them.

How you communicate with them.

How you accept them (or don’t).

And most importantly,

How all of that impacts on how we connect with another.

This is EXACTLY what we went into on our Live Stream this week, where you’re going to get the exact step by step on what to do to have more of the connection you desire and need from your partner in a way that’s fun, deep and practical.

You certainly don’t have to come…

You could keep feeling disappointed or unhappy or moving onto the next relationship because they aren’t meeting your needs…

Or, you can decide to lean into the layers of support that are here for you and master this relationship initiation challenge instead, in community, who support each other, as we learn and wrestle with what it takes to do relationship really well.

It’s time to decide what’s going to support you more.

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Blog Closeness And Intimacy

How Close Are You Ready To Be In Your Relationship? Get Prepared By Doing THIS!

I hear every week from my clients that they want to be closer to their partners.

More intimate.

They want deeper conversations where they feel super close, relaxed and intimate.

And I see the fallout from this written about online too.

People exposing breakups or how someone they were dating failed the test for not doing something.

And I’m not saying have no boundaries, because they are really important.

But what I am saying is this.

Have you actually self-assessed that you are available for the intimacy and closeness that you seek?

How comfortable are you with being that intimate with yourself first?

How available are you for such deep closeness with all your inner parts within?

Many of us have never sat with that inquiry.

Resulting is expectations on the other person while missing the potency of facing this part of ourselves first.

And being stuck in that….in their current dating cycle.. partnership.. or last five years.

It’s a real thing.

So the next time you find yourself expecting they’d be a certain way first, in order for you to be emotionally intimate with them..

Get honest in your self-assessment of your own openness and closeness within yourself first.

And act from there and see what goodness comes from it in your relationship.

I know it’s gonna be good.

Is there ONE thing you can do this week to make space for your own self-assessmen

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Blog Closeness And Intimacy

Are You Waiting For Certain Conditions In Your Relationship To Be Met Before You Get Close? Do This Instead.

Mark and Eric had been together for 8 years. They had two sons and were both successful entrepreneurs.

But they had reached a real impasse in their relationship.

Things hadn’t got any deeper or closer in the last year and both of them couldn’t figure out exactly why.

They felt lonely and a sense of drifting.

There’s talk about business glass ceilings, but there can also be relationship ones as well.

Where you’ll only go so far with what you desire, but not seem to go further.

Because there are unseen expectations of the other that may be floating around.

I knew that I had to ask them about this. I felt strain and pressure in my own self when they were talking about it, so that’s pretty instructive that they felt some pressure too, about their limits and I had to see what this was.

And we explored this using inquiry, emotionally focused therapy for couples and also family system dynamics, to really get at the unseen expectations that may be running the show.

And when I asked each one of them about the level of inner honesty, within, (similar to what they expected of each other) and had observed, it shook things up. They both noticed the way they subtly closed that inquiry down, shut it off, or changed the subject.

I brought their attention to this.

They giggled.

They knew it was true.

And I asked them to get more honest in their self-assessment
…for intimacy
…for closeness
…for love

And they did it.. because they wanted to be close.

Starting with just a simple step – start to ask the real self-assessment and inquiry questions.. “how do I relate to this need or desire?” to get the ball rolling.

You do want the closeness, right?

So if you do, the next time —
…before you get ‘clear’ with your partner on exactly what’s needed from them before you go to next level closeness, …before you withhold or contract away from connection because they’re not going deep enough with you
…before you ‘play it safe’, but staying in the comfortable because they are too

Don’t.

Lean into how honest you’re really being about intimacy with yourself, and therefore intimacy with your relationship.
Be that honest with yourself.
Be truly self-assessing.

And be the intimacy you seek.

It’s literally going to change you and your relationship world.

What’s one little step you can take today to make space for more honest self-assessment about where your needs come from?

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Blog Closeness And Intimacy

When I Became THIS Okay With Self Intimacy, The Closeness In My Marriage Expanded Wide Open.

A lot of people carry dis-empowered beliefs about how they’re going to have the closeness they desire.

That, or they farm out their happiness with the idea that they’ll meet the right man or woman and THEN everything will be intimate, cozy, easy breezy.

Or if you’re in relationship, that closeness will be when your partner displays a certain quality, then you’ll be closer, or more intimate, or have more sex and love.

It’s easy to slip into.

But it also sucks your sovereign power to engage with yourself and become more intimate, connected and aware of your own inner life, that you would ascribe it to someone else, or locate your safety to go intimate outside yourself.

I’ve done this many times.

Actually, my hubby and I did it with each other.

He wouldn’t open up to me or feel close to me unless certain things were present.

And I was the same. I found myself outsourcing my needs for intimacy and projecting onto him.

Where instead I could have just done this.

Become really honest in my self-assessment about how available I would be for the deep intimacy I wanted IF he did certain things, rather than become deeply available for that intimacy with myself.

I had to get extremely real with what parts of myself I was secure being intimate with…and then be even more honest with assessing what parts were actually off-limits.

And when you’ve got two people who are not doing that…

Not exactly yummy closeness.

So when you feel the call to make the other person be more intimate in the places than you are with yourself.

When you hold back, or contract, or withhold closeness and emotional intimacy because you’re waiting for the other person to do something first…

Turn towards yourself.

Hold yourself to that.

And be extremely honest in how open for intimacy, closeness and emotional connection you actually are.

Don’t let yourself off with the easy answer. Call yourself on your own projection strategies.

For example, I felt so relieved when I finally stopped trying to have my hubby meet my needs for emotional safety in certain places, and when I took that power back and became safe inside myself in those places no matter what he did, our connection shifted and we became much closer.

It’s tempting and maybe you’ll feel more comfortable for a while doing that, maybe you’ll tell yourself you’re more safe, but how long is that honestly going to last?

This closeness need is not going to go away…

It won’t give up getting your attention.

And why should it?

It’s actually trying to get you to come home to it.

To get that honest and intimate with yourself first BEFORE you go trying to extract external things from another and BE that with yourself, with your partner, in whatever place you need to FIRST and then see what happens.

You might just change your relationship.
And well, if you both do this, then there’s no telling how deliciously and ridiculously close you can be.

This is what I’m experiencing now… this much closeness.. sweetness…intimacy..and connectedness.

It’s the sacred gift of giving YOURSELF in full so that you don’t have the problem of feeling like they’re not giving it to you, whatever THAT is you want so things can be closer and more intimate and connected.

And I’m very sure that if you do the same for you, you just might change your relationship world to have the exact kind of intimate, closeness connection you’ve been desiring. Starting with you.

Feel free to share with me here ONE step you’re going to take this week with yourself to get more honest with your availability for intimacy. For me, I’m going to spend time getting very clear on what I’m still secretly hoping he will do or say, so that I’ll feel closer to him, and then tell him about it, and go find that in myself first.

What will you do?

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Blog Hot Sex

The Unconventional Path To What’s At The Root Of Your Sexual Disconnection.

We had a great time on our Live Stream.

Fun. Deep. And Valuable!

I love seeing people jump in and let the support they need in so they can start having the sexual connection they desire.

I want that for you too my friend.

You get to have that…and it doesn’t have to be hard, overwhelming or feel lonely…not when you’ve got access to a community of people navigating relationship, on the same journey as you, all working to create the sexual connection they’ve been craving.

I really like to be honest and upfront with you about what it takes to do this. And what I see is that community is so important when it comes to creating what we desire.

I can relate. Going through sexual healing and empowerment processes is not easy. I needed tons of support. But they pay off to have the kind of connection I have with my husband, and that I see my clients cultivate too is SO worth it’s weight in gold.

You’ve got to give yourself a break because no one teaches us this stuff, and it’s easy to blame yourself and think there’s something wrong with you.

There’s not!

Join me on our Live stream where I’ll share with you;

– Why you’ve got to take a different route to get to the root of your sexual disconnection issues.
– What most people overlook as a source of support, and what you can do about it.
– A practice you can start doing straight away to get more spacious in the stressful places that sex can bring up, so you can find your way through.

You always have a choice to make about what’s most empowering for you…and you could stay where you are, or you can join us and allow the layers of support into the places where you need them the most.

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Blog Hot Sex

I Bet You Haven’t Tried THIS When It Comes To Sexual Disconnection Snafus.

It’s often SO hard for couples to talk about sex when it comes to really healing disconnection snafus.

They fight, argue, blame, disconnect or sometimes distract themselves with other things.

They breakdown.

They cry.

They think they want to break up with each other and think they’re not sexually compatible. Which is so often not the case.

But none of these get to the root!

The biggest root that I see missed, is that couples don’t have the REAL conversation when it comes to sexual disconnection.

So whatever you have to do to get more present, use sensation language, be more spacious (all things I’ve talked about this week).

So you can have the REAL conversation and get on to what’s going to help you have more exquisite sexual connection.

Because you get to have the best sex you can imagine.

And I know that this way..of getting to the most real conversation is the best way to get started.

For example, I could say that I want to have a conversation with my husband.

But I can also say, and feel the warmth of it when I say it, and I can feel my heart opening when I imagine sharing intimately and openly and vulnerably with my hubby. I can feel blood flowing through my body when I sense into the sensations.

Start by sensing in your body your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions and your mood. Stay in the words of sensation; warm, heavy light, tingly, prickly,…etc.

So are you going to take the first step with that ONE thing you can do to get to the real conversation of what’s really going on with the sexual snafus?

Let’s hear a hell yes in the comments.

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Blog Hot Sex

Want Better Sexual Connection In The Edgier Places? The Ones Who Do This Are Going To Be Getting It On!

Isn’t it amazing how many things can come up in a sexual connection?

Not quite the way you like it?

Not feeling as satisfied as you’d like to be?

Wishing it would be easier?

Seriously, you’re not alone.

Almost all my clients talk about sex at some point in our work together. Even the ones who come in for entirely different issues.

Somehow when deep sexual disconnection arises, people go to their minds… and even worse they entertain making big decisions about their relationship status.

Don’t do that.

Drop figuring it out through your head.

Stop figuring.
Analyzing.
And attributing to your partner.

And start to get IN your body.
Find the language of sensation.
Not emotions.
Not feelings.

Go further south down the body.

We can only build hot sex, love and closeness from the ground up foundation.

Top-down strategies often don’t work.

Sensations connect you to your nervous system.

They invite movement.

And create more fluidity and space.

And THAT, creates more connection and creativity and options when you feel stuck.

Like check this out. My back has been seized up this ride home I’m on right now. I can complain about it. “OMG, my back.. Jesus!”

Not helping.

OR

I can say this..”I feel twingey sensation in my spine. It’s hot. It feels a little metallic. A long, slow achey sensation. “

Now I can honestly tell you that just doing that… my pain feels a bit lessened. I feel more present, more alert. When I share this in my relationship, so much space and creativity open up so I can make different decisions and be more partnering.

If this can happen here for me.. what can happen for you?

What shift is possible when you drop south into your body and let your nervous system speak instead? What’s one shift this week you can make to practice this?

One thing’s for sure… It’s going to be interesting.

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Blog Hot Sex

If You Want Better Sex, Then You’ve Got To Do This.

Most won’t do the work to create the sexual connection they truly desire.

They’d rather complain, be unhappy, or even worse, just slowly phase out of prioritizing their sexual connection.

And that leads to all kinds of other issues that usually don’t work out well.

So I’m gonna keep it short today…

Prioritize your sex life.

Make the time for it.

Talk about it.

Don’t ignore it.

Explore what turns you on.

Find practices that nourish you. (Look out for one here tomorrow)

And really get, that this life is so deeply precious.

So fleeting and sweet.

Too short to not spend the time cultivating what’s yummiest and delicious for you and going to be most soul satisfying. Even IF you feel that it’s been gone for too long and you’re not sure where to even start. Just pick one thing.

And then tell me what ONE thing you’re going to do to make that happen this week.

Go!

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Blog Hot Sex

Resurrecting Intimate Connection By Co-Creating Like THIS.

You’re in bed with your beloved.

You’ve been feeling connected.

Things are getting juicy.

Exciting.

Sensual.

Hot.

But there’s a little something that grabs you and pulls you out of connection.

It looks like a dissatisfaction.

Perhaps annoyance.

A complaint.

And the sex and lovemaking that you so deeply desire and crave suffers.

And so does the love and emotional connection.

Like what happened to my clients Jane and Jim.

They really loved each other.

But they didn’t know how to navigate.

And so they’d say things we are all capable of saying.

Things like, “I wished you’d touch me differently…( or) you need to be more loving and not do that…”

She’d be hurt..upset…feel rejected.

And he’d withdraw.

And they’d try to talk through it… but they couldn’t get past feeling so activated.

And from years of experience of dealing with trauma, I know activation and triggering are located deep in the body and cannot be resolved in the mind, although many try and end up feeling frustrated.

I won’t let my couples do the same thing with me that’s not working at home.

So I invited each of them to begin with simple grounding into the root of their bodies.

Orienting into the earth grounds is enough to get out of our head. And not only that, if we are dealing with sexuality, we are dealing with our root chakra, so we need to learn how to drop down there, and find alrightness in ourselves without the mind fixating on the problem.

And from there, it was effortless…because space opened…

And in that space, I invited them to sit next to each other.

Gently touching arms and legs together. And to gently feel both support and resistance from each other.

This helps neutralize negative mental charge.. and also gives the body a huge transmission that in conscious contact both support and resistance can help neutralize the situation, which it did.

And from neutrality…
Where space got freed up…
And healthy contact and resistance happening..

The real conversation could open..and a real connection about desires and requests were made, exchanges happening freely.

And this allowed, over time, the healing to happen.

And their sexual connection to be creatively restored from an empowered, but more importantly embodied place for both of them.

They reported feeling satisfied, were having way more frequent and juicy lovemaking, this now felt hotter, and they were definitely more in love than ever. Their eyes say it all.

It can do this for you too.

If you’re willing to go deeper, to your roots like this.. and hang out long enough to get what the edges need to soften, deepen and open.

If you’re ready for that, share with me ONE thing you can do this week to start to soften at the edgy places when it comes to sexual connection not going ideally. For me, I really enjoy slowing my breath waaaaay down to help my nervous system relax and clear away all activation.

I’d love to hear what you’re sending would really help you.

And… I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.