Category: Closeness And Intimacy

(I bet most of you won’t try, but those of you who will are in for huge gifts)

Look, there are two kinds of people;

Those that are content what things being ho-hum in your partnership and hope it magically gets better.

And those that are can feel sad, disconnected and stuck, are like, “of course I want my relationship to be a huge source of joy and peace and I’m willing to do almost anything to achieve it.”

For those of you that want even more closeness, and are part of the second group, I dare you to try this.

Commit to a week of non-stop empathy, especially when things feel disconnected and stressed or not flowing in the way that you choose;
– right in the places that you know need it most,
– either in yourself,
– your partner,
– or your relationship.

You already know the tender spots.

The ones that have a little stress.

So go after those.

All. Of. Them.

And for those who are extra courageous, I dare you to practice giving empathy to all three places.

If things stay exactly the same (they won’t) then I have a special surprise for you. PM me.

But I’m pretty sure they won’t.

Go ahead.

I dare you!

Every day people send me private messages because it’s so intimate to speak up on these posts.

Even my own coach said she wouldn’t comment on these posts because they’re so intimate…

But everyone faces intimacy edges in their couple’s journey…

You want to know how to make it easier…
How to feel more connected…
And what’s going to help restore connection so that emotional issues can be easier?

But if you don’t learn how to be self-aware, how to have empathy and how to regulate the overwhelm that relationship can bring up,
then you won’t ever feel closer, more connected and happy.

Practice this.

Write down the top three things in your relationship that are bothering you right now.

You can do this alone or with your partner.

Now, take each of those three things, and see what happens when you;

– bring the deepest of empathy to them. (i.e…..I can really feel how hard it must be for you when you’re sad, upset, etc.)
– take FULL responsibility for regulating your own overwhelm about them. (i.e….Whatever stress I am having, I seek out, find and practice meeting those stresses with every resource I can find that will help them be at peace)
– and bring this self-awareness to your partner.

It CAN’T stay the same.

There is always more room for all these things in our tender spots.

And if you do this, for the rest of this week…

I can pretty much guarantee that there will be a relationship shift in the direction of closeness and intimacy.

If you’ve decided to no longer settle for the way it is, what’s ONE thing you’ll commit to practice even if just ONE of these things?

For me, I’m going to start with empathy. I’m going to bring it to even the smallest of places. I can’t wait to see what happens.

Now it’s your turn.

Look, I’m not promising you a rose garden in love.

There will be places, no matter how skilled and brilliant you are, where the lack of peace is present and you wish it was easier.

I should know, I came to my relationship full of emotional overwhelm and stress that had not been regulated properly and my husband came from a shutdown place, similar to a lot of men.

And with all the brilliance between us, it took some work to find the core emotional regulators that were critical to sustaining a powerful evolutionary relationship versus to those who didn’t have these.. and then broke up and didn’t make it.

You’ve got to find out what creates emotional peace between you, which means identifying what’s in the way of emotional peace, and doing it in a way that is intelligent, regulating and actually helps the emotions get met and the stress decreased.

Start thinking and assessing your levels of empathy, your ability to be self-aware, your motivation skills and your ability to self-regulate and be social. This is exactly where someone like me, who is professionally trained can support you in cultivating and deepening these qualities.

Start to consider and become more aware of your impact on others especially in regards to these areas.

Your ability to self-assess is a critical key to how your relationship has a good emotional IQ.

Where are you at?

What ONE thing will you do this week to strengthen your emotional intelligence skills?

I’m going to self assess my regulation skills where I have stresses. I’m excited to see where I can tweak or shift things, so that things will continue to open in ease for me.

Can’t wait to hear yours.

We had a BLAST on our recent LIVE STREAM chatting on all the things that you don’t want to miss on HOW TO make closeness and connection with your beloved happen more easily.

And I KNOW you don’t want to miss out on how to do that because you haven’t given up on receiving the kind of connection and closeness you desire.

It’s the Holiday times…and it brings up everything stressful (and wonderful) about family and relationships and connection.

It brings up everything about the end of the year, and of how it’s gone…

It offers self reflection opportunities, so you can assess, envision and then create for what’s to come…

Have you had the loving, sexing and closeness you’ve desired this year?

Have you had the innermost parts of your heart, your body and desires deeply fulfilled?

Maybe you’re wondering if you can be in your relationship dance another year…

Or how you’re going to do it…

Or maybe you’ve had some sweetness and you want to amplify it even more, but you’re not sure what steps to take.

People, and lots of coaches make it sound logical…like you should just flip a switch, but it’s really not about that.. it’s about so much more.

It’s filled with a ton of overwhelm, and so you want support, you want what’s going to work, and so what I’m going to do is give you the five emotional IQ tools you can use today to restore calm and peace when stress hits.

And THAT, is exactly what we went into today in our Live Stream on our Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/278275709185342/).

We’ll go into all things…
– why logic alone fails to bring you closer
– what to do to make things easier
– the power of five emotional IQ jewels

Look, I don’t want this message to be a bother to you if your relationship is going really well.. and you’re completely fulfilled…I’m super happy for you…

But let’s be honest here…you wouldn’t be reading this if there wasn’t a resonance.. a desire to go deeper, be loved more and experience even more delicious closeness, (especially if it’s been absent from your relationship for some time).

You’re safe to want more… so come a little closer dear ones.. this Live Stream is going to be a game changer for you…it’s going to be comprehensive, clear and real.

Perhaps you’re like my clients Melissa and Mark, together for nine years, married for six and two children with a third on the way.

Both are successful, self-employed and consider themselves woke people.

Both have done some kind of relationship work with other people, read some books aloud together and maybe took a course here and there, but nothing in it looked at the multiple dimensions of their relationship and how they were functioning together to either bring more hot sex, love and closeness or cause a disconnect.

There was a contraction and resignation in their energy when I met them.

Melissa had a heart of gold.. and was proud of her depth and desired to make things better with Mark.

She came from a family where there wasn’t much support on how to handle big people and big energies. Her family was loud and overwhelming.

Then we meet Mark. He wants things to be simple, clear and make sense.

But his idea of making sense wasn’t armed with much inclusion of emotional intelligence; the ability to be empathic, to be self-aware, to be self-regulating, to have true motivation.. and to know and understand how these work in a relationship and how they affect you and others around you…

This is NO easy task, it’s not like they teach you successful relationship goals in high school, but they really should.

Just imagine how many relationship issues you wouldn’t have if you would have a clear way to achieve the peace, love and closeness that you desire…

Emotional IQ development is necessary so that common sense can include what is actually common in a relationship, and what is common in a relationship is disconnection, and emotional overwhelm on some level.. whether it’s big or small, I see this in almost every couple I work with.

And this is what we did

– Begin to develop far more expanded self-awareness.
– To develop empathy, practice it and fine-tune it to make it more powerful.
– To develop an awareness of motivation and how it works and how to use it to become more connected.
– And to know how to self-regulate so that when things become overwhelming, you’ll have your peace no matter what.
– And to keep deepening in your understanding and embodiment of these things so you how they impact others and how they impact you.

When Melissa and Mark did this, the overwhelm decreased… they had more empathy with each other.. they had more understanding of each other.. they both could self-regulate in the places that were overwhelming.. they were both interested in how they impacted the other.. and they both used motivation in a good way to engine the things that they wanted in the relationship.

I was super happy to see this, the went from overwhelm to connection and more empathy with each other. They moved from stress to sexy connection. And from not feeling a lot of empathy, to complete heart and care total loving support.

This is what’s possible when you decide it is not any longer negotiable for things to stay as they are and you want next year to be different.

This is what’s possible when you take action, and you prioritize your energy, focus and understanding of what is going to bring you to the place that you desire.

The sweetness of the most loving intimate and close connection can’t happen when you don’t have internal systems to govern the many dimensions of not only being a human, but when those two humans meet each other and there’s a whole lot of worlds to navigate, and it’s not easy and no one tells you how to do it so you’ve got to start somewhere.

And where is that for you today?

Tell me one place you’re going to start bringing one of the few intelligence tools listed above to your relationship! Stay tuned for more ways to practice and deepen this into your relationship this week, on Wednesday and Thursday when I offer a nudge and the practice, and if you feel even more passionate about it, show up for the dare on Friday as well, but only if you’re serious about experiencing a mind-blowing shift this week in how you feel towards each other.. and how the edges are softened…or raised.. in all the right places.

I’m committing to really deepening empathy. I like going through these and self-assessing to see where I’m at. And then what needs to deepen or go further or evolve so I can keep fulfilling the desires of my soul.

And.. I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

I’m pretty sure it’s your turn now to claim what you desire to experience..

I remember one day that my mom told me that kids don’t come with an instruction manual.

At the time, I’m pretty sure I was pushing her to be a better parent, because my child-self knew that I needed that.

I don’t regret pushing her to be a better parent, I took her wisdom further and of course, realized that it’s true… they don’t exactly hand out parenting custom-designed manuals at the hospital for each child that you gave birth to.

And in the same way, there’s not an instruction manual or a customized guide as to how to navigate the unique realms that show up in your relationship that can create stress or disconnection.

Like you, I realized this path by walking it, and for a long time it was easy to compare myself to others, and to what relationships I perceived that they had, and to feel bad or criticize myself for not having the tools and resources I needed to make mine better.

So after the honeymoon phase was over in my own relationship, the deeper karma and soul work emerged… and my husband and I found ourselves in a place of confusion, overwhelm and uncertainty as to what steps to take to proceed.

We knew that we loved each other very much… we were bound together in a beautiful way… by choice, but without some of the deeper resources that were needed to navigate things from a place of slow ease and simplicity.

He’d say to me, “Why do humans make things so complicated, why must relationship bring up so many things to consider?”

I agreed with him, and it made me inquire and go deep into my own part in this…. that knows what we can create when we are in close proximity with another human.

Because we are relentless for truth and for liberation… we meet on the evolutionary path, the path of what’s going to bring us transformation, liberation, freedom and all the intimacy, love, sex, closeness between us that makes for a very rich intimacy and potent soul connection.

If only there could be a way to organize it more easily, to bring heart sense to the matters of the heart, I’m pretty sure you didn’t connect to fall in love with each other’s minds only…

This is exactly what we had to do, find the systems that underlies all the others, and get those grounded, and foundation aligned in our relationship so that things could get organized when it got difficult.

We started practicing emotional IQ deeply.. and practiced all the skills.. we learned to bring awareness, practiced self-regulation, built empathy, right motivation and social skills.

These things really matter because they affect all of us in the relationship no matter what stage you’re at, but especially if you want more hot sex, love and closeness.

You can’t not have the skills, and you can’t not keep growing them, we must if you want the kind of hot sex, love and closeness that feels amazing.. and I can’t tell you how good it feels to make that amazing feeling non-negotiable. This is what produced the greatest results.

You probably want your own version of those, I’m guessing it’s why you’re reading this, you got lots of dimensions to you… you need more openness in the stuck places, more depth of connection, more understanding but you’re stuck in self-protection and can get reactive. And, if you admit it, sex is feeling lackluster if it’s even happening at all.

You’ve got some skills and you work really hard at it, it’s amazing the work you’ve already done, and you know there’s more because you’re humble, and because your deep desires will not go away no matter what you do.

I’m so glad we put in the time to do this, because the foundation, grounding and anchoring we have into the systems, that we know work to govern all the different dimensions and realms that can come up in a relationship, I wouldn’t have the relationship I have today without it.

And we keep growing it and it continues to produce more beautiful closeness loving results. Not to mention the family goodness as well.

Developing emotional intelligence is a really important practice, art, skill and it is central to relationship success.

This is something you can learn and that will benefit you so much.

Sometimes in my difficult moments, when I’ve felt deeply lost or not in control, I would pick one thing that I could do, like have more empathy.

I’d practice it, especially in places I felt tight or contracted and what a huge shift it would be in partnership, genuine foundational empathy, all from embodying emotional IQ skills like this… imagine what can come from it and sense into the connection, the closeness, the hotness.

I want you to have this so much and I want you to imagine one step you’re going to do this week, to bring this closer to you both.. oh, of course first starting with yourself.

For me, I’m going to take a thorough inventory of my progress in each one of these things, and when I will do that I’m going to share it with my partner and have an honest open conversation about it and then see what shifts need to be made.

And.. I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

I can’t wait to hear what comes up for you.

There are many of you that are willing to be courageous in love.

Willing to do the hard stuff.

The stuff that pushes your edges and boundaries.

The talks that are edgy, uncomfortable and authentic AF.

But probably there are even more of you who may wonder how you are going to get closer and intimate with your partner while veering away from any of the above talks, and explorations that really push your boundaries, your edges and your vulnerabilities.

You might talk about all the closeness and intimacy that you desire,

But when it comes to being that close with yourself, in all the inside places…well…

– you may ignore it…
– distract from it
– fight about it
– get controlling and vigilant
– numb out (hello Netflix!)
– smoke weed
– or drink
– or conveniently just never get to it

and as much as you complain about it.. and share your unhappiness or disappointment about it..

you…just…don’t..take..action…to…address…it…..all the way

so this week.. if you’ve really had enough…

I dare you.

Stop those prolonging behaviors…

and finally address yourself.

And see..

Are you engaged with yourself?

Are you THAT intimate with yourself and all your inner parts?

Are you free to explore around inside free from shame, from guilt, from cut offs and cut outs?

And then share it with your partner. The whole truth. No ‘part’ left behind.

Like, For example, when I did this I shared my needs of my husband with him, with this practice, for the first time, he could actually hear me in a different way than before. It was more about me. Less about him. He felt that, and as a result, it made a lot more room for him to respond to me and actually give me what I needed because I wasn’t trying to get anything from him.

THIS..if you finally step in and say yes to all your parts…

THIS.. is what is going to make closeness and intimacy in your relationship SOAR.

Tell me ONE thing you’re going to do today to start being more intimate with all the parts are inner pieces of YOU that are in there. For me, I’m on retreat in the desert, and I’m calling on the stillness here so I can be open to the fullest most whole version of myself. I’m using nature as a resource.
You can use whatever you need as a resource too.

Some people might not like me for this, but there are some practices that if you have integrity for, will help you have the kind of closeness and intimacy you most desire in partnership.

And I know you want it…

So.. how often is it that you self assess for your own comfort level with being truly intimate for the experiences you seek in a relationship?

How often do you self assess for the inner resources it takes to be that intimate and close?
Do you identify them?
Do you know what they are?
Could you articulate them to your partner?

Have you?

Will you?

This couldn’t be more KEY.

How are you going to have the closeness and intimacy you desire if you’re not willing to do this first and see YOU inside?

Consider this your practice for this week.

Grab a sheet of paper, write down the current needs you have that you want your partner to fulfill, and ask yourself, ‘how am I relating to this need?’

See what you find…

If you’re really ready to have the closeness and intimacy you desire…

And quite literally change how your relationship closeness is feeling….

Tell me the ONE step you’re going to take to make the time do this week. I’m already blocked out in my planner to get it done.. it’s important to me, and I know it’s important to you.. and things always grow when we make the space and time for them.

We had a BLAST on our recent LIVE STREAM chatting on all the things that you don’t want to miss on HOW TO make closeness and connection with your beloved happen more easily.

And I KNOW you don’t want to miss out on how to do that because you haven’t given up on receiving the kind of connection and closeness you desire.

Let’s let it be okay that the number one thing that trouble couples is disconnection.

It could be financial, sexual or emotional.

It can be about the kids or about your in-laws.

It doesn’t matter which realm …but what does matter is this;

How you relate to all the inner parts that make up and engine your desire FOR connection in whatever area it is.

How you open up to all the pieces.

How you give them space.

How you hold them.

How you communicate with them.

How you accept them (or don’t).

And most importantly,

How all of that impacts on how we connect with another.

This is EXACTLY what we went into on our Live Stream this week, where you’re going to get the exact step by step on what to do to have more of the connection you desire and need from your partner in a way that’s fun, deep and practical.

You certainly don’t have to come…

You could keep feeling disappointed or unhappy or moving onto the next relationship because they aren’t meeting your needs…

Or, you can decide to lean into the layers of support that are here for you and master this relationship initiation challenge instead, in community, who support each other, as we learn and wrestle with what it takes to do relationship really well.

It’s time to decide what’s going to support you more.

I hear every week from my clients that they want to be closer to their partners.

More intimate.

They want deeper conversations where they feel super close, relaxed and intimate.

And I see the fallout from this written about online too.

People exposing breakups or how someone they were dating failed the test for not doing something.

And I’m not saying have no boundaries, because they are really important.

But what I am saying is this.

Have you actually self-assessed that you are available for the intimacy and closeness that you seek?

How comfortable are you with being that intimate with yourself first?

How available are you for such deep closeness with all your inner parts within?

Many of us have never sat with that inquiry.

Resulting is expectations on the other person while missing the potency of facing this part of ourselves first.

And being stuck in that….in their current dating cycle.. partnership.. or last five years.

It’s a real thing.

So the next time you find yourself expecting they’d be a certain way first, in order for you to be emotionally intimate with them..

Get honest in your self-assessment of your own openness and closeness within yourself first.

And act from there and see what goodness comes from it in your relationship.

I know it’s gonna be good.

Is there ONE thing you can do this week to make space for your own self-assessmen