Category: Closeness And Intimacy

There’s nothing that sucks more than feeling disconnected and cut off from closeness and intimacy in your partnership.

It hurts, a lot.

It takes time.

It cuts into the sex,

The love.

The closeness.

It affects your family.

It makes your mind distracted at work which creates more agony.

And costs you sleep, creates anxiety, and heartache.

You could continue with that…

But why would you when you can find out how to fix it for free on my recent Livestream.

Seriously.

It’s time you took care of this.

Before it costs you more precious loss of connection, hot sex and love…

The things that make relationship worth truly living in.

And create deep wellness within you and your family.

We’ll riff on all things;
– what to do to end the negative cycle of disconnection between you two
– how to create the closeness you crave, even if it’s been off lately
– the ONE commitment I make each day that produces the closeness and intimacy I desire… and how you can put it into practice straight away

How long will you go without the intimacy and closeness you need to make this partnership thrive with soul.. and truly worth living in?

You could keep paying the price to stay disconnected, unhappy and groaning about it for the umpteenth time…

Or you commit to taking the step to get going making sure THAT reality doesn’t happen and join us.

Who’s ready to make that move for themselves?

Who’s ready to make the shift?

Your choice…if there really is one.

I’ve got a question for you;

When trouble comes up, do you:

• fight with your partner to keep away from the feelings underneath?
• fly away into screen time, or some other distraction?
• or get numb.. with food, alcohol, drugs, porn or any other addiction?
• something else..(you know your specialty)

We live in a culture of distraction and addiction.

And it’s made it really hard to have true closeness and intimacy in relationship, like you crave.

So instead of tuning out on Netflix next time there’s trouble in your partnership..

You can ask the two things I’m about to share below instead.

You can’t spend more time on any level bypassing the messes because they’re going to get EVEN MORE dramatic, for the sole purpose of, trying to get your attention.

They actually want healing. And they’re not giving up or going away.

It doesn’t work that way.

So you can deny it.. and have more trauma with the drama…

OR…you can ask this of the mess instead, and get even more connection and closeness you desire.

Ready?

First. Stop resisting the mess..because the medicine you seek IS inside the mess you find yourself in. You just have to slow down enough to get it…and you will.

Ask. What’s the complete 180 degree flip of the mess you find yourself in?

For example. You’re in a complete bickering moment with your partner on any given issue.

180 degree flip?

You’re in a total loving and supportive moment with your partner, filled with creativity.

What does this show you?

The true purpose inside of the mess.
The place to go.
The place to head towards with all desire you feel about it.

That’s what you need to cultivate instead.. that’s the secret inside of it.
That’s the medicine in the mess.

Focus on that.

Develop that.

And see…THAT.. is what is underneath the mess.

Trying to get born.

Trying to speak, but not yet with words, but energy.

Trying to come through.

This is CRITICAL if you want more closeness, more intimacy….which I KNOW you do.. because you’re here..

This is not just a ‘nice to have it after all these other things are in place,’

Noooo it is NOT really negotiable.

You could keep telling yourself it’s not really that important…

That when THINGS FROM THE OUTSIDE HAPPENS.. .theeeeeeeen you’ll truly address the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness issues.

And by then you’ll be in what condition.. how will you feel.. watching time go by…wishing it was different…life going by?

Days? Months? Years going by.. not having the most awesome Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you deeply need, desire and deserve?

Really.. you really can’t…nope.. not gonna work…

Who wants to join me this week in inquiring deeper into the mess?

And what’s ONE WAY, you can get started doing that now.

I once worked with a man who saw me over a period of ten years.
 
He came in with his first wife, not able to move past the negative relationship cycle of blame, criticism and subtle putting things on the other person.
 
She loved him, but she’d had enough of his ways.
 
Rarely, it’s already gone too far by the time they come to me (which is why you shouldn’t wait!), but this was one of those cases.
 
But to his credit, he came back with his new girlfriend (post ex wife)…still not willing to do the deep intimacy healing work… and she left him as well.
 
And then, because third time’s the charm, he came back with engaged to be married lady #3, determined to break the cycle.
 
He wasn’t upset or irritated.
 
But he was pretty disgusted with himself and how he’d handled things, not wanting to sabotage things again for the third time.
 
And he looked me squarely in the eyes with intensity and asked…
 
“How do I get past the fantasy that if I’m with the right person, that there’ll never be issues that trip me or us up?”
 
This is the idea that so many people have.
 
They think the honeymoon period should last forever, but that chemical combination in the brain is not sustainable.
 
You HAVE to cultivate true love.. which is where the work of intimacy with all your inner parts: your feelings, thoughts, intuition and instincts comes in..
 
And he struggled with that.. as many of us can and do.  Very few get taught how to do all this stuff… but if we truly need Hot Sex, Love and Closeness, which is in NO way is optional or negotiable, you’ve got to take this in.
 
I turned to him, Andre’, and shared THIS.
 
“The medicine is IN the messes you find yourself in.
There will always be messes as long as we are human.
Your job is to be intimate with the mess.. to have enough presence with it, enough compassion, enough space and enough curiosity to see what exactly it is trying to show you… do you know what that is…?”
 
I was strong in the way he had asked me to be.. so my intensity level was matched to the way he needed to breakthrough… because really, it was now or never.
 
An open space permeated what used to be closed, due to fear and insecurity.
 
And then, he got it.

• His resistance…dissolved..
• He embraced the mess, which you can so often resist.
• He inquired deeply about the parts.. and what was trying to happen.
• He listened… s p a c i o u s l y ….

And his relationship blossomed.. and this time, it was for keeps.
 
Proud moment for me…
 
And self-loving moments for him too.
 
The triumph of

• releasing resistance
• embracing the mess
• inquiring into it
• and attending to the inner parts by giving them what the actually NEED.

It’s an inside out job.
 
More intimacy with all your parts… creates intimacy in the dynamic.. creates intimacy with healing, which creates closeness and the connection that makes life worth living..
 
So if you’re on the fence.. and ready to leave or split up, this is your siren call.

• it’s not too late
• you can do this
• and I’m going to show you exactly how to do this.

Don’t have ten years go by like Andre’.
 
What’s ONE thing you can do to create this for yourself this week?

Some of you are new and some have been following my story for a while.
  
I grew up with virtually no role models on how to have Hot Sex, Love and Closeness.. the things my clients don’t just want.. not a nice to have..
  
 …but at some point in the journey, hands down, recognize that they absolutely need and can no longer negotiate their way out of it… believe me.. they’ve tried.
  
I should know.
  
I was one of those people.
  
And that’s why I know how to expertly work with them because I struggled like crazy.
  
I got into messes with my hubby.
  
Reactive patterns full of disconnection, pain and heartache.
  
We simply could not get on the same team at times, because the messes were SO huge and overwhelming {trauma and difficult upbringing, especially on all things relationship didn’t help}.
  
And there were times I’d want to throw in the towel.
  
I cried a lot.
  
And felt lost.
  
And he got upset.
  
And felt ashamed…like, shouldn’t we have this figured out by NOW?
  
Maybe like you think or feel.
  
And the thing that popped it around?
  
Deciding THIS.
  
The Medicine Is In The Mess You Find Yourselves In.
  
You have to get on the same path about finding your way out of the mess.
  
And the mess is usually the negative cycle of disconnection you’re probably in right now.
  
By embracing this, you team up against it.. and diffuse the trouble, pretty quickly.
  
And then you’re freed up, like we were, to be creative..about the connection we truly desired, the closeness we deserved…
  
And you literally, can’t tolerate it for another nano second.
  
It’s come to an urgent, unmanageable, not going to take this for another second HEAD!
  
You need the connection to get everything you want, and making a commitment to get out of the dark cycle together is what it takes.
  
That’s what it really takes.
  
That’s what you have to do.
  
It’s no longer negotiable.
  
So tell me, what ONE thing will you commit today to turn your Mess into the Medicine you need to have more closeness and connection?
  
One thing my hubby and I committed to was to willingly name the negative cycle anytime the mess showed up.  We gave our dark cycle a special name, bicker-hurt, coz that’s how it rolled.  It made us both laugh, release and get healing.
  
It can do that for you too.