Category: Hot Sex

You’ve heard it is said that when it comes to challenges, you can either be the hunter or the hunted.

And when it comes to creating Hot Sex, too many of us wait until our shadows come kick us in the ass.

But what IF…

You didn’t wait until they came, (especially when it comes to sex)
And instead of being the hunted.. became the hunter instead…

That’s my dare to you this week..

To go after all the places that you need to let go of either in yourself or in your relationship where there’s some baggage in the way that has to do with sex.
(.. and for most of us.. there’s a lot.. sex is rather complex in what makes things zing… so no escaping yourself.. unless you wanna be hunted down by the shadows mentioned above.. )

…err.. I didn’t think so..which means.. you identify

– what places inside your heart, mind or body need to be released so that sex can happen hotter.. ?
– what do you need to let go of?
– what do you need to release and say goodbye to?

If you’re the hunter, you’ll do an honest inventory..
..you’ll share it with your partner
..and you’ll do the work to let go of it, whatever it takes, because that IS what it takes.

Most of you will keep doing the same thing. Maybe even complain about it…

But for the ones who want more…the hunters of sex hotness…

THIS is for you.

Share with me ONE thing you’re going to go after this week.. to let go of, so you can create the sex you desire? Don’t worry if you’re shy, you can send me a message too.

Super excited to hear what you’re going to come up with.

For me.. I’m going to create an open space in myself to take an inventory of it all.

Because I KNOW you want more Hot Sex, (who doesn’t?)

And because no one showed you how to decide with a thorough foundation first so you can have it,

You’ve got to let go of the things that no longer serve you first.

Here’s what I mean.

You don’t paint a wall without priming and scraping off the old one first.

You don’t eat fresh meal from pots that you haven’t cleaned first…

And you don’t simply ‘decide’ to have better sex until you’ve let go of the things that need to go first.

Here’s a practice to do (and this works whether you’re in relationship or not, because let’s face it, you’ve got to do this work regardless before you create any new thing, so why not start here?)

First.

Get together with your beloved.

Sit close and look at each other in the eye.

Commit to being honest in the context of compassion

And take turns sharing (full transparency) what you each intuit
and need to be let go of in the sexual arena…

So that you can truly create what you desire.

It can be thoughts.

Ideas. (about self or other)

Opinions.

Feelings.

Emotions.

Old hurts or injuries.

And start to let them go.

Release them with a ceremony,
Release them by forgiving them, yourself or your partner,
Release them by loving them and finding out what they need,
Releasing them by feeling them, so they can get met and easily let go…

THIS is what you have to do.

And it’s a practice.

So in case it’s feeling overwhelming to you, because it might (and often will), take a deep breath, and know that I am here for you if you’re stuck.
In fact, I’ve got ONE spot for anyone this week wanting to let go EVEN MORE so that you can be free to decide and create whatever you wish when it comes to Hot Sex… And those desires, they aren’t going away.. so tell me when you commit to getting started.

This week I’m going to make forgiving old injuries a priority.. so I can be freer to decide.

Tell me in the comments.. who’s with me.

Just sit with that for a moment…

You’ve been fed this idea that everything you want is simply a decision away.

That it should be easy, and you should just simply be able to be where you are, with what’s NOT working,
and flip it all on it’s head in an instant.

But let’s be real.

It doesn’t work that way.

Not when you’re dealing with entrenched patterns of mind, heart or body!

First, you’ve got to look at;
– what needs to go,
– what needs to be released
– and dissolved

….so that there’s actually SPACE for the new thing you want in sex and bed to have a real chance
at being born, being created, and happening!

You wouldn’t paint a room that wasn’t primed.
Or put fresh make up on an unwashed face.
Or cook with unclean pots…

So why would you imagine it might work differently in sex, love and relationship?

What’s ONE thing you need to let go of, in order to THEN be able to decide to create new hotness and sexual connection with your person?

For me, I’m very focused this week on releasing my trauma body… of all the deep trauma work I’ve done in the last 6 years.
It might take me a while, but I love myself deeply in this process, and know it will create tremendous juiciness going forward.

Share with me what you’re going to do in the comments…

I KNOW you don’t want to miss this…especially if you’re wanting to turn up the volume on having even more Hot Sex, Love and Closeness.

No one talks about what to do when you can’t just simply ‘decide,’ to shift things as we’ve all been coached to do.

So what do you do instead?

You can find out on my livestream from yesterday where I share EXACTLY what you need to do to shift it. This is what excites me the most and gets me lit up to share with you for your benefit and healing, so you can truly get going on having all the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you need and desire.

Everyone talks about simply ‘making decisions,’ when it comes to shifting things in your life.

Sometimes it’s like that.

See a problem, decide you want something different and do it.

Sometimes it’s really that simple.

But what about when it’s not.

What about when there’s so much more to it than that?

De-Cide itself means to bring an end to something.

And honestly, before you can do something different to get your sex life back on track, you probably have to bring an end/death to other parts of you. What I do with my clients to help them actually decide is be willing to let go of the things that don’t or no longer serve first.

And no one in society teaches us how to do that.

Which is why I went live.

And I’ll be sharing with you how to;

– know what to do when something in your sex life isn’t working
– what to do to shift it
– and how to love yourself in a way that makes it all easier.

You get to have all the delicious hot sex, love and closeness you desire, and you’ve got to know how to bring an end to cycles that no longer serve you so that the fresh new cycles of loving and sexing can begin.

Can’t wait to see you there.

You should know about my clients Lia and Eric.

Because they came from a relationship coach feeling like they failed to shift things to make their sex life better.

In their prime, successful, two kids and ready for super hot sex, loving and closeness… but felt stuck and didn’t know why.

They were definitely a bit skeptical of me, because they had dropped a wad of cash on a high end relationship coach who promised it all, and because all they had heard ad nauseam was simply ‘decide’ to make their sex life better, but no matter how hard they efforted (and let me tell you, they did), it never worked.

Hopelessness, fear and disconnection set in.

Some of the super killers when it comes to Hot Sex, Love and Closeness bonding for couples.

Which of course, you don’t want.

And they had their share of it too and were on the verge of splitting up.

Which means to me, something needs to end, to die, and the only way this couple, and maybe you too, knows how to think about it, IS to consider breaking up.

But really, this is misdirected, (and it’s an epidemic in relationship land, I promise).

Because we don’t know how to let go, how to end things, or break cycles, or die to old structures in our partnerships, marriages or ourselves that don’t work anymore.

It takes knowing how to dissolve patterns in our minds, our hearts and at the foundation of our being.. our bodies!

Who is teaching us to do that?

{…..crickets….}

I did share this with them…and it opened up the conversation…
of what was old in their sex life
what wasn’t working
what needed to go
and how we could support that
ALL the way.. not partial let go.. but FULL on let go so that the next level sex life could even have a chance to be born.

And let me tell you, every couple goes through some version of this.. more often than people would like to admit.

It’s very real…and this is what you have to do too.

Learn how to die to what’s not working in your sex life FIRST.
….then you can have a real base to ‘decide’ what you want to create next.

Like with this couple, first they had to identify very specifically what didn’t work sexually for them; they needed more time alone from the kids, she wanted to explore some edgier play, he was nervous but felt curious and had to let go of some judgments, old stories that ran amuck needed to be heard, honored and then released. Through their hearts, minds and bodies…they did let go.. it’s wasn’t easy.. but damn, I was proud of them.. and then they were totally free to make decisions.. decisions that were empowering and liberating to their sex life..

And you…if you think you can just decide without addressing the roots of what was there before..

You can expect the same experience to happen.. and there’s no more room for that.

And if you find yourself not knowing how to let go the things you know you most need to.. in order to decide to birth the hot sex relationship that you’re meant to be having, I’ve got room for ONE person open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

So beloveds.. what is ONE way, you can start to have this conversation about letting go of what’s not working in your sex life?
Feel free to share with me below, or send me a message (coz, you know.. it’s private…).

For years, all I heard in the coaching industry was simply decide.

I knew it worked for a lot of people, but it didn’t seem like it worked for me, or for many of my clients and it was baffling and painful.

What was I doing wrong?

Why can’t I just pull it together?

Or the hopeless idea… ‘Maybe I’m just not destined to have a great sex life, because I just can’t freaking decide and make it be different?’

My hubby and I had grown our family, with two beautiful children, careers in motion, self care and family life balance trying to happen. Just a ‘few small’ things happening.

But our sex life, was OFF track.

Not happening at times.

I couldn’t even find my brain at times, let alone my yoni.

It wasn’t easy or fun.

And my hubby was like, ‘Babe, I miss us.’ I missed us too. Or the ‘us’ I recalled but couldn’t find anymore because it no longer existed.

And as we talked about us, I realized this very important thing.

The process of decision is one that is about death, endings and a fork in the road.

Even the word De-Cide.. represents two options.. one way or another…and one way has to
go, die, if you will.

And we had to make that choice, to consciously surrender, to let go of what wasn’t working in our sex life so we could create the one that would.

Yes, we eventually decided..
But that in between place,
that death place where you have to let go…
Of what doesn’t work, and no longer serves you…
No one talked to us about that..

Which is why I am here with you to talk about it.

To lovingly share with you that…

You will need to let go, put an end to, release, say goodbye to
ALL kinds of things in relationship.. including sexual things that need to go too.

And once you do.. only THEN will you be able ‘decide’ to have a better sex life…

Like we did too. We had to say goodbye to the things that truly didn’t serve us. We had to be honest with each other about what those places were outdated and no longer fed us in any way. And this is what works with clients too. Nothing can be instantaneously decided until you have truly let go.

Share with me ONE thing you can do today to bring an end to what you KNOW, must go…
For me… I need ceremony to say goodbye.. I’m a bit a pyro so I burn things in pots and declare that whatever the thing is that needs to go, knows, it’s time and it’s on it’s way out.

And if you find yourself not knowing how to let go the things you know you most need to.. in order to decide to birth the hot sex relationship that you’re meant to be having, I’ve got room for ONE person (https://www.freecallwithjoanna.com/) open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.

Love to hear what that is for you.

We had a great time on our Live Stream.

Fun. Deep. And Valuable!

I love seeing people jump in and let the support they need in so they can start having the sexual connection they desire.

I want that for you too my friend.

You get to have that…and it doesn’t have to be hard, overwhelming or feel lonely…not when you’ve got access to a community of people navigating relationship, on the same journey as you, all working to create the sexual connection they’ve been craving.

I really like to be honest and upfront with you about what it takes to do this. And what I see is that community is so important when it comes to creating what we desire.

I can relate. Going through sexual healing and empowerment processes is not easy. I needed tons of support. But they pay off to have the kind of connection I have with my husband, and that I see my clients cultivate too is SO worth it’s weight in gold.

You’ve got to give yourself a break because no one teaches us this stuff, and it’s easy to blame yourself and think there’s something wrong with you.

There’s not!

Join me on our Live stream where I’ll share with you;

– Why you’ve got to take a different route to get to the root of your sexual disconnection issues.
– What most people overlook as a source of support, and what you can do about it.
– A practice you can start doing straight away to get more spacious in the stressful places that sex can bring up, so you can find your way through.

You always have a choice to make about what’s most empowering for you…and you could stay where you are, or you can join us and allow the layers of support into the places where you need them the most.

It’s often SO hard for couples to talk about sex when it comes to really healing disconnection snafus.

They fight, argue, blame, disconnect or sometimes distract themselves with other things.

They breakdown.

They cry.

They think they want to break up with each other and think they’re not sexually compatible. Which is so often not the case.

But none of these get to the root!

The biggest root that I see missed, is that couples don’t have the REAL conversation when it comes to sexual disconnection.

So whatever you have to do to get more present, use sensation language, be more spacious (all things I’ve talked about this week).

So you can have the REAL conversation and get on to what’s going to help you have more exquisite sexual connection.

Because you get to have the best sex you can imagine.

And I know that this way..of getting to the most real conversation is the best way to get started.

For example, I could say that I want to have a conversation with my husband.

But I can also say, and feel the warmth of it when I say it, and I can feel my heart opening when I imagine sharing intimately and openly and vulnerably with my hubby. I can feel blood flowing through my body when I sense into the sensations.

Start by sensing in your body your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions and your mood. Stay in the words of sensation; warm, heavy light, tingly, prickly,…etc.

So are you going to take the first step with that ONE thing you can do to get to the real conversation of what’s really going on with the sexual snafus?

Let’s hear a hell yes in the comments.

Isn’t it amazing how many things can come up in a sexual connection?

Not quite the way you like it?

Not feeling as satisfied as you’d like to be?

Wishing it would be easier?

Seriously, you’re not alone.

Almost all my clients talk about sex at some point in our work together. Even the ones who come in for entirely different issues.

Somehow when deep sexual disconnection arises, people go to their minds… and even worse they entertain making big decisions about their relationship status.

Don’t do that.

Drop figuring it out through your head.

Stop figuring.
Analyzing.
And attributing to your partner.

And start to get IN your body.
Find the language of sensation.
Not emotions.
Not feelings.

Go further south down the body.

We can only build hot sex, love and closeness from the ground up foundation.

Top-down strategies often don’t work.

Sensations connect you to your nervous system.

They invite movement.

And create more fluidity and space.

And THAT, creates more connection and creativity and options when you feel stuck.

Like check this out. My back has been seized up this ride home I’m on right now. I can complain about it. “OMG, my back.. Jesus!”

Not helping.

OR

I can say this..”I feel twingey sensation in my spine. It’s hot. It feels a little metallic. A long, slow achey sensation. “

Now I can honestly tell you that just doing that… my pain feels a bit lessened. I feel more present, more alert. When I share this in my relationship, so much space and creativity open up so I can make different decisions and be more partnering.

If this can happen here for me.. what can happen for you?

What shift is possible when you drop south into your body and let your nervous system speak instead? What’s one shift this week you can make to practice this?

One thing’s for sure… It’s going to be interesting.

Most won’t do the work to create the sexual connection they truly desire.

They’d rather complain, be unhappy, or even worse, just slowly phase out of prioritizing their sexual connection.

And that leads to all kinds of other issues that usually don’t work out well.

So I’m gonna keep it short today…

Prioritize your sex life.

Make the time for it.

Talk about it.

Don’t ignore it.

Explore what turns you on.

Find practices that nourish you. (Look out for one here tomorrow)

And really get, that this life is so deeply precious.

So fleeting and sweet.

Too short to not spend the time cultivating what’s yummiest and delicious for you and going to be most soul satisfying. Even IF you feel that it’s been gone for too long and you’re not sure where to even start. Just pick one thing.

And then tell me what ONE thing you’re going to do to make that happen this week.

Go!