Category: Soul Fulfillment

Let’s face it.. No couple ever imagines at the beginning of their partnership what kind of issues they will get into down the line.

That sprinkling of hormones at the beginning of the journey is pretty damn powerful at creating the perfect fairy dust blinders so we don’t see what is separate from our projections onto our partner of what we want them to be, not as they actually are.

Most, if not all of us, do this.

And then we wonder how we got there when we don’t feel so connected and close.

Because you feel like getting rid of the relationship because you’re not sure how to fix the disconnection. And you don’t know how to get back to how it was at the beginning (which most of my couples crave).

Like my couple Mary and Jay.

They had been together 10 years. Had two kids. Were hugely busy and successful entrepreneurs.

But the spark had been missing for a while now.

It wasn’t that they were in huge distress, it’s just that the love and vitality seemed to have drained out of their connection with each other entirely.

Because I’m always using my senses and intuition as an instrument in the room, I felt that dead-ness within them…that tells me that something is asleep, unconscious, or numb, and I used the location of the dead-ness I felt, and the movement of it, along with the corresponding thoughts and feelings to understand what is going on with this couple (and every couple).. to tell me where we need to begin.

I brought it up… they looked so sad.

And then Mary lifted her head up and spoke.

“”I feel like we’ve lost our way..like we have not enough conscious and deeper structures really holding us..together.””

BOOM. I felt the truth of that.

And what they needed was something that could revitalize them, not a communication practice, but something much larger, more substantial and sustaining.

They needed a shared spiritual practice and perspective.

Which was totally possible.

One that could hold their deepest questions, the way they thought about their relationship and their journey of evolving the challenges forward.

A spiritual practice that included residing in
deeper love together
deeper presence together
deeper awareness together
and deeper inquiry as to what would help them truly revitalize together.

Look, this is not easy for any couple to do, you have to if you want to flourish, so if you want a quick fix, this is not it.

But if you want the deep hot sex, love and closeness that’s possible, you have to make the decision to go deep, go honest, get real….or choose to stay in mediocre meh. It is a choice.

Mary and Jay made the choice, and went all the way with these practices…committed to them every day, and got so much revitalization and soul back in their connection.

They’d spend a few minutes each day, cultivating love by looking in each other’s eyes, and breathing in love, and breathing out love. The same with presence. And awareness.

You think it’s easy to do these things.

But it’s not.

Because they’re vulnerable and deep and they show you everything.

Sparks flew in our next few sessions, and there was more color in their faces (always a good sign) and I felt more energy with them too. The numbness was gone. The deadness lifted.

They had created something that really guided them.. and that held them…exactly where they needed to be held.

It was really special.

And profound.

And full of life, hot sex, closeness and love.. some of the best things in life…for those who are the ones ready to decide to create this for themselves.

What’s ONE thing you can do today, to develop or deepen your spiritual connection and practice with your partner, in a way that supports you exactly the way you need to be held? I’m taking time myself to deepen into my own presence, simple as it sounds, to bring back even more of that to my partner.

And I want you to have that too.. only if you’re finally ready to create it. I’ve got room for one person this week, who wants to create an epic love relationship, so deeply full of soul, who has some stuff that’s in the way and wants me in their corner. Sign up HERE (https://www.freecallwithjoanna.com) for your free call, and I’ll help you with the one thing that will help you get things in a better flow today. This is a precious opportunity to receive my support for FREE (normally a $350 value) and most importantly, to see the difference in your relationship that you know you’re craving deeply.

When my husband and I got into a relationship almost 17 years ago, we were in our early thirties and at the beginning of our relationship journey.

We’d spend endless hours making love, and snuggling, and loving on each other well into the night.

We talked about our future and all the big dreams we had.

And then we got married, had career shifts, had children, bought a house and started to drop deeper into the real work of creating and sustaining an evolutionary partnership.

What did we know!

All kinds of stuff came up, issues we didn’t know were there.

And we began to feel overwhelmed, and honestly, a bit lost.

Even with all our training together (my hubby has pretty much a Masters in psychology – with special training in Hypnosis, but still we even were confronted with our humanity pretty deeply.)

The shame we felt of that at the time. (I felt like I should have been able to figure it out, RIGHT?)

Wrong!

And he’d tell me, “”I love you.. this is sooo hard…we need a larger container.””

I’d agree…even as I grumbled, and offered him my hand, squeezing it, letting him know that no matter what, we were in this together.

And even as we didn’t know what to do, we made simple contact through touching.

Which showed us both, we need containers (as in places or spaces that hold us while we go through whatever we go through), lots of them and it became clear.

We needed a spiritual path.

And we decided to create one together.

We spent the next year getting very clear on what supports we needed.

Mentally – like what kind of mindset would support us, and help us stay clear.

Emotionally – like what intelligence would be needed to govern the seas of how deeply we felt.

Physically – like what fitness, nutrition and environment would be needed to support us fully.

Sexually – like what our desires were, what we longed for, what we needed, what releases wanted to happen.

Financially – how we wanted to govern our financial lives, our investments, our contributions to society (which meant a lot to us).

Instinctually – and what traumas we needed to clear from our nervous system, from the lineage so we could function exceptionally clearly and without feeling encumbered.

You might be thinking, whoa.. that’s a lot.

But it happened over time.

With incredible support, and many layers of heartfelt mentors and guides..

To what we have today…

Which is precious…deep.. sacred.. loving…and very hot!

A relationship with deep soul…guided by wisdom…and resting in love.

I wouldn’t trade the journey .. with all its’ ups and downs for anything.

And I want you to have that too.. only if you’re finally ready to create it. I’ve got room for one person this week, who wants to create an epic love relationship, so deeply full of soul, who has some stuff that’s in the way and wants me in their corner. Sign up HERE (https://freecallwithjoanna.com) for your free call, and I’ll help you with the one thing that will help you get things in a better flow today. This is a precious opportunity to receive my support for FREE (normally a $350 value) and most importantly, to see the difference in your relationship that you know you’re craving deeply.

We’re working a lot this week with how to let all the wonderful things in your partnership and the goodness expand into something even more powerful and miraculous in your work, in your family, and your lives, because having a great relationship is the foundation for everything else in life feeling really great too, so this is REALLY important to work on.

So I want to dare you to truly go farther with it, because the ones who are willing to venture into the edge of discomfort, are the ones who will experience the greatest rewards, like me.

I had to take continuous risk in myself and my comfort zone in my relationship, over and over again in order to keep it growing.

I have not been willing to be a victim of anything being stale.

And I don’t think you should settle for that either.

So this week, find one little bit of goodness in your heart as a feeling, or your mind as a thought, or sensation from your body and I want you to keep breathing into it.

I want you to breathe into it from your heart, I want you to breathe IN that goodness through your heart, and OUT through your heart for at least five to ten minutes.

I promise you, you will be absolutely stunned at the shift in your nervous system that takes place, the shift in your heart that takes place, the shift in the overall feeling in your body that takes place, and the shift in your mind and availability of support as opposed to non supportive thoughts, that you will experience.

This is not for the faint of heart, and it takes courage because it certainly can feel easier to orient towards challenge or suffering versus deepening into goodness.

Your goodness that exists in your relationship, even if it feels small right now, is worth its weight in gold because you can expand on it, you can make it grow, but you have to decide that you’re going to do this.

I’ve been at this point before myself, and I know that unless I decide I’m going to shift the direction, it will most likely stay the same and I will only have myself to be accountable for that.

You have nothing to lose, check it out and let me know what you experience.

For me as I’d been writing this, I’ve been feeling into how much of a good father my husband is, and I’ve been feeling the warmth in my heart that goes along with that.

It’s a beautiful radiating warmth filled with so much goodness.

And as I’ve been breathing it in I can feel my whole body relax.

I can feel my thoughts relax, I can feel my body relax, and I’m feeling all kinds of creative opportunities literally opening up as I’m writing this article to you.

It’s a beautiful gift to give yourself, it’s one you deserve and one you deserve to not only receive but also give to yourself as well.

Your relationship deserves it as well.

Let me know how it goes, sending you sprinkles of good energy and miracles abound.

Every single week, I hear people express the angst of their longing to have more hot sex, love and closeness.

People say things like, how can I make things hotter between us?

How can I increase the love between us?

How can we create more intimacy and closeness and have it be easier?

Or even just, How can we fight or disagree less?

You want things to be easier.

You want more closeness but you’re just wondering how you can make it easier and what are the shortcuts that you can take to have it turn out that way.

So here’s my practice offering to you this week, given with love and a certainty that if you truly commit to this, things will be definitely shifting in your relationship.

Here it is.

I want you to DECIDE that you are going to shift your focus and attention into amplifying the good.

So often, especially if we come from families where there’s a lot of healing and trauma cleanup to do, or just general relationship skill building, we can be focused on taking care of all the shadows, and things that appear not to work. And that IS good work.

Don’t get me wrong, because taking care of shadows is a good thing, and part of the shadow, even though you could miss, is the shadow of expanding the good.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Sometimes expanding the good is outside of our awareness because we’re so focused on doing cleanup work to have a great relationship.

For example, my hubby and I came to each other in our earlier 30’s. We both knew we had clean up work to do on our lineages. We loved each other immensely. We jumped in. And we did shadow work for a long time before locking in how important it was to do work to focus on expanding goodness, not just facing the dark side.

Focusing on shadow work is good and necessary at the right time, and I’m not suggesting you give it up.

But what I am going to encourage you to do today, is to focus on expanding the good, the great, the well being and the pleasure you already have.

So I want you to find one thing in your partnership that’s falls into this category.

I invite you to tell your partner about the one thing that’s really good, and that you appreciate, and all the things you love about it, and all the good things it gives you, and all the good things it gives them, and then see how you feel and see what happens.

And then let your partner tell you the impact of you sharing that.

I have never seen this be practiced without wonderful results.

And then I want to invite you to have a mutual conversation about what it would look like in work, in creativity and community to let this goodness expand?

What is possible for you?

You both?

If you can take some time at home this week, and really focus on the conversations expanding goodness, in every way, imagine how you’d show up for work that way, fathering or mothering that way, loving, sexing and intimacy as well.

I want to invite you both to lean in really deeply and really intimately with this inquiry.

The couples that I work with and that I know who have the biggest hot sex, love and closeness, lean in with curious inquiry to the important questions really deeply, really sincerely, and relentlessly until there’s shift in information that’s beneficial for them.

Keep leaning in, keep asking and keep seeing what you find.

When you discover any tendril of goodness or expansion, I want you to breathe it in and then breathe out.

I want to invite you to sit with your partner as they breathe that in, and breathe it out, if you’re extra willing, which is a good thing, look at each other with eye contact and then breathe that in, and then breathe out.

Keep seeing what happens, and let me know.

What’s ONE step you’re going to take this week to start that conversation?

For me, I’m going to make an appointment right now with my husband to find the one thing this week that will help us expand our goodness.

Do it with me?

I know this is going to be good.

We always have a fantastic time on our livestreams and yesterday was no exception.

Sometimes, there’s so much suffering and difficulty that I see in the areas of love, closeness, intimacy and true soul-satisfying connection.

The complaints can be epic, the struggle is real and hearts are on the line every single second.

If you’re reading this and feeling a resonance, I am moved to share with you how un-alone you are.

You see, the things that I am talking about are things that are so deep, that even my closest, nearest and dearest, feel the need for privacy and protection from even commenting on these posts because it is that real, and that vulnerable, and that deep.

And yet, I’m here to take a stand for the miracles that can unfold in your own life, when it’s finally ok to bring deep love and deep grace into the places in your relationship where you experience tightness, contraction, a lack of capacity and a sense of disconnection.

And because I have lived through this myself, I want to make sure that I give you the exact resources that you need in order to be able to open to the depth of love and grace in your relationship, like I had to do (even when it felt really difficult and hard to find) in order to truly experience the miraculous amazement that I am experiencing now when it comes to cultivating and creating hot sex, love and closeness.

I’d love to invite you to check out out livestream from this week.

We’re going to cover what to do to cultivate the kind of hot sex, love and closeness that truly creates miracles.
– How to do these TWO things that are bound to be a game changer to get you going, even if you’ve been feeling skeptical and doubtful that anything could truly help you.
– My GO TO mindset for getting back into a place of love and grace after disconnection and conflict.

I can’t tell you how many thousands of hours I have spent deeply practicing what I’m going to be sharing with you today.

And because I know you’re very busy, I’m going to make it very simple and very straightforward, accessible and really fun as well!

I’m really looking forward to you joining us, and to getting in your hands the very things you can do right now to turn around any struggle, and start to create a field of love and grace that allows all kinds of new creation and miracles to unfold in your relationship, if you’re feeling extra doubtful (trust me, I’ve been there too). I’ve got just the thing for you to turn things around.

So get yourself over there and I’ll see you.

One of the best teachings in my year study of Tibetan Buddhism was the practice of Tonglen, or lovingkindness meditation.

I use this with my clients and myself to help metabolize difficult states.

In it, you bring compassion and lovingkindness to the things that seem most undesirable, most unwanted and most rejectable, and bring them into your heart of love instead.

And not only that, when we can bring that heart to all of those just like us, who are going through the same struggle as us, whoever in the past went through it, or in the future will go through it, something irrevocable shifts in us.

So for example, let’s take something really common in relationship.

HURT.

It happens often.

And can be difficult to deal with.

And you could stay that way, and it can fester, like people do for years.

Layers of it.

But because I want you to catapult, I dare you to do this instead.

Find your difficult lonely thing in relationship that YOU deal with.

Name it.

And then,

IMAGINE.

all those who are currently experiencing it right now,
have ever experienced it
or may experience it in the future

And bring your heart of tender love and compassion to them.

Feel your love for them.
For what they are, did, or may go through.

Because you know what it’s like.

You’re having the same pain.

The same loneliness in it.

Extend the heart of compassion and love towards them

Breath by breath.

For a minimum of five minutes. Or more if you can.

It works every time. By the end of this practice, you will notice a shift, you will feel more open, you will feel less alone and you will feel more like this situation is going to be quite alright.

Try it.

The loneliness can’t stay the same.
The separate feelings can’t stay the same.
They won’t.

And let me know ONE way thing you’ll do this week to relieve that lonely feeling so you can have connection and intimacy instead?

I used to look for what was missing in my relationship.

I felt alone, lonely, always separate.

I didn’t understand why I did it, but one day I knew I had to get to the bottom of it.

And what I saw after sitting with the feeling of the missing-ness, the sensations of it in my body, and the emotions in my heart, was that the ego, is the part of us that feels and thinks it IS separate. That is the nature of it’s existence.

And it’s also true, that illusion of separateness is the oldest and most miserable suffering story there is.

It runs all relationship problems, which is why I am bringing this up.

Just try and trace any suffering state – especially the ones that come up in relationship, and you’ll see that they are ALL ego based, all existing alone..

Take for example:

• unhappiness, separate from love and joy
• insecurity, separate from true connection
• jealousy, separate from receiving
• hurt, separate from compassion

All these states, and many more like them, just need to know that they are not alone..

So here’s the thing..

You can stay in them.

Or, you can take ONE of the difficult ones.
Say for you it’s unhappiness…..

And truly begin to be IN relationship with it. (that’s not leaving it alone.)

And find out by asking what it WANTS, what it NEEDS, what it would LOVE to feel happy.

Inquiring into something creates connection.

Connection creates intimacy.

And intimacy creates love.

And love creates all good things, including happiness.

And aloneness… or loneliness, it’s gone..

One of my clients and I did this recently.

She was unhappy.

We clarified the sensations that went along with unhappiness.

And the thoughts, opinions, and stories about it.

And the feelings, emotions and mood that were associated with it.

And then, how it played out in the interpersonal with her partner.

And her primary attitude about it.. she wanted it to go away. So very human, right? We all want relief.

And so it was left all alone.

And that created more unhappiness, and more if it feeling abandoned.

When seeing that, and how it played out.. we called in all the support it needed.

For the thoughts to held, and the opinions to be evaluated to see if they were actually useful. And the stories.. to see if they were even true.

And the feeling, emotions and mood.. those needed a container that as safe and heartfelt to safely drop into.

And the attitude.. we zoomed on what attitude was MOST helpful.. and turns out the PRESENCE was the way not trying to get AWAY as she had been doing instead.

So now it’s your turn.

Find the ONE lonely state and do what I did.

And I promise you, it can’t stay the same.

It won’t.

Practice makes p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ connection.

And connection is one ingredient of Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that you need, like yesterday.

Well that was fun,
 
To share a transmission of how to start ENDING some serious struggle that will help you have the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness you so deeply crave.
 
Listen, I know it can be FULL on fun house ride in relationship.
 
It’s an evolutionary requirement in relationship to learn how to navigate it.
 
Which is why you should do yourself a favor today and check this out for a few.. it will give you some soulful relationship medicine, deep down, that you know you really need.
 
I can vouch for this medicine because it has helped me…one who has gone from the most intense isolation to the most profound union… in partnership, relationship and marriage…and I want to invite you into the powerful vortex of transmission of the HOW TO actually cross this great divide on our Livestream.
 
We vibed on all things;

• HOW to reduce the feelings of aloneness with practical, no-foo methods.
• What to DO to permanently shift the ego pain of aloneness or feeling separate in any of your relationship spheres.
• And WHY you can’t take this lightly.. the future of your relationship (and/or your family) reality literally depends on THIS.

Can’t wait to see you and help you step into SOVEREIGN freedom when it comes to NO longer feeling separate and alone.
 
It truly takes a village.. and so happy you’re part of this little one we are creating and growing here.
 
Let’s co-create for your highest good…

Every day I talk to couples and people in relationship who feel overwhelmed, stuck and uncertain.
 
They feel insecure, unhappy, and at the bottom of it, alone.
 
The thing is, it doesn’t need to be this way.
 
You’ve just gotten into some habits that don’t serve you, and if you got into them, you can get out of them,.
 
Conditioning our behaviors works either way.
 
For our downfall, or our ascension.
 
So if you’re ready to feel MORE support, more community, I’m here to nudge you into THIS.
 
Ready?
 
Stop looking for what’s missing!
 
And instead, start to CALL IN the support you desire to fulfill you, NOW.
 
Decide the support you want.
 
Decide on the kind of friendship or connection you’d like

• with your thoughts
• with your feelings
• with your body
• with your sexuality
• with your challenges
• with your relationship
• with your spiritual practice
   
  And freakin’ decide to GIVE those things to yourself..
  Whatever it takes.
   
  Be relentless.
   
  This is what I do with clients ALL DAY LONG; support you in giving all these things to yourself, connect to the thoughts that truly empower you, help you access the deeper feelings that open your heart, align with the sensations in your body in a way that helps your body feel like an ally, not an enemy, decipher your challenges and help you find the jewels tucked away underneath the suffering (even if you think there isn’t one), and develop the unique to you spiritual perspective and practices that you need (and hold you to them).
   
  For example:
• grab a hold of thoughts that help you, the opinions that support you, perceptions that uplift you
• deepen and anchor feelings and emotions that love you, have compassion for you, that receive you with acceptance and openness
• find out what and who supports you most desire in your relationship, identifying those people, calling in spiritual support
   
  and RECEIVING that you are SO not alone and taking that in to every place that has ever felt outside of support.
   
  And not stopping until you don’t feel alone anymore.
   
  It is a choice.
   
  And you have the option to make one now in favor of supporting yourself and your relationship.
   
  So tell me, what ONE choice will you make this week that will bring in more support for you and your relationship…I’ll share mine in the comments.

When my most volatile couple did THIS, the entire suffering apex of their relationship upleveled, even though they would be the last to have predicted it ever would.

Sometimes the couples who some may think won’t make it, are the ones who end up surprising you the most.

Like my clients Tess and Tina.

They both came from family histories where there was a lot of arguing, power struggles.. interspersed with long periods of silence.. detachment and disconnection.

I could see the wear on their faces.. it had done them a deep bit of harm.
Their eyes.. the pupils looked small and contracted.. usually a good indicator of fear and isolation energy. I have a highly sensitized intuition, kind of spiritual psychological xray vision, which sees soul movement through the body….and in their eyes, were hurtin’ lonely, separated souls, lovers and people.

And this harm had resulted in them arguing for power, for control… for dominance, and then long periods of silence, like a stand off for more control, to see who would cave first.

Ever been through this or know someone who has?

In the beginning I had to help them ground with palpable, in the body mindfulness practice. just to get them out of their head so that the reactivity of the arguing had a chance to settle down, and to access connection through their hearts.

That took a little while.. there was so much fear of being abandoned,
And to help their nervous systems start to settle into some relaxation, we’d bring presence right into the most troublesome of the stories about who did what.. or what happened.. and get right underneath the wounded banter, and into presence with the most difficult of the sensations to tolerate that went along with the stories..

They felt so insecure in their connection, and they bickered because of that, and because I have advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (the badass work in the couples world) for couples.. we worked for a while to identify the negative disconnection cycle between them, team up against it, and then find new ways to relate and re-engage on a healthier level.

And ONLY when healthier re-engagement was happening, we started having the real conversation about the aloneness and isolation. And the feeling of pain at the separateness between them.

And only then, were they able to creatively CALL IN.. the support they needed for all the places that needed it; the injured places, alone places, abandoned places, the isolated places.. untouched and hurt parts.. they decided;

• to declare it, ask for it, and decide it was time for them to experience it.
• to bring the energy of that into their bodies
• and their minds, in the way they thought, especially about each other (you can imagine the dissolving of negative thought work this required.)
• and from the depth of their hearts, by actually learning to inhabit their physical heart.. and to bring compassion and tenderness to the aloneness, the injuries, the bickering…
• to feel INTO all others, just like them, ever having had the same challenges, currently experiencing them.. or those experiencing them in the future… and THEN.. the spell broke! {{ thanks to the teachings of some of the great Buddhist masters that have helped me embody loving kindness meditation, and be able to translate that into couples work, just like this…}}

Built upon the foundation of these things.. and practicing them over and over was how they restored their reconnection, closeness and intimacy. This was some of the work for this couple, based upon how things presented, but because each couple is so unique in their resources, and the form of what they truly desire…I sensitively, and intuitively curate from literally 30 years of extensive training, the perfect healing alchemy from different modalities for THEM to land in Hot Sex, Love and Closeness.

Think of it like a funnel, but for your partnership to take you from where you are to exactly where you want to be.. your own version of..

Hot Sex.. Loving.. and Closeness.. and you get to have this even if you have kids.. It’s hardly negotiable, and if you try.. ignoring it will come and irritate you like a wicked drama to get your attention..

Enough of that.

Allow me to support you, I’d love to co-create your unique Hot Sex, Love and Closeness healing funnel and crucible…with you as well.