So often couples have an idea of the trigger, they know something bothers them more than it should, but it keeps repeating over and over again.
Ya know?
They’ve worked so hard to get in touch with what’s causing the blow up or fight, but STILL not at the bottom of it to actually stop it and experience closeness.
And they don’t know what to do.
But if they could get to the bottom of the trigger, they’d no longer have the same upsets.
So here’s a practice to nudge you in that direction this week.
Sit across from your partner.
Identify the current place where your kids are truly driving you nuts. (We all have them so no shame in acknowledging.)
Name the feeling.
Identify if the feeling is a primary feeling. A primary feeling is a feeling that the one we feel first, often fear, or hurt or sadness. They are usually underneath a secondary feeling, which is more like a reaction to a primary feeling not being okay or allowed to be there.
For example, when my child talks my ear off, non stop, I feel worried I won’t get all my work done.
And it’s important to know the difference.
Switch turns.
Each person now has identified their primary feeling.
… and now…take turns asking each other.. what does the primary feeling need?
…what would help it?
…what kind of support does it ask for?
I GUARANTEE you this inquiry is thoughtful, sensitive and build trust, connection and mutual support.
and I KNOW if you practice it, every time you get charged up from the kids.. because let’s face it.. you WILL..get… triggered!
You will get exactly what you need.. right at the very root.
And then..
you’ll have more space…
more peace…
more awareness…
less reactivity…
more ease…
more relaxation…
more connection…
love… and sex.. and family goodness….
It all goes together.
Know someone who needs this today?
Tag them in the post.
And heart ❤️ me in the comments so I’ll know who to send the positive vibes to this week.
I’d love to offer you some good mojo..
