How I Let My Kid Trigger Chaos Make My Partnership Stronger, Like Rock-Solid.

Some of you have been sharing with me that you get what it’s like to arrive at adult relationships and not really know what to do to have all the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that you desire and deserve.

Not to mention, having kids and the complications that can bring up EVERYTHING.

And really, I want you to know; I FEEL you!

And HOW MUCH, you’re so NOT ALONE.

In a world where everyone talks about having it all together, I see you there dealing with this.

This is an epidemic and every time I share about this work in the podcast (https://www.besoulfulfilled.com/hot-sex-love-and-closeness/), the group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/278275709185342/) , or just connecting with peers and clients, I hear another heart-breaking tale of the ones who didn’t make it because they could not get this stuff sorted out. And, how needed this work is.

They blame themselves, suffer in silence and hurt each other.

This is NOT REQUIRED or necessary… but so many feel stuck and just don’t know what else to do to feel the closeness and connection with their partner they long for.

And so often, especially when the kids come, the dynamics that you already have as a couple, get intensified and become more vivid, dynamic and colorful (many times, not in an easy or good way).

Which can lead to even more distress, more disconnection, more wondering and freaking out..which leads to complicated unhappiness cycles..

I wish someone had told me these things…and what to do.

Because this happened to me, someone who has studied this for years!

I couldn’t make sense of the intensity of my own reactions to things that should have been simple.

And I certainly was lost when my husband had similar reactions.

Like, why did I really care so much if the kids went to bed five minutes later than what was needed, and why did it bother him so intensely when I preferred the baby bottles cleaned just so?

The grip of our positions…

…the tight look in our eyes..

…the cold, distant nights

…and our earliest templates from life sprouting up like skeletons from the closet, with the potential to breathe new life into us through the birth of our children, NOT that it felt that way though at the time…

Seemingly innocent things, had the power to trigger DRAMA.

Ever been there?

Want to know what to do?

You know.. It’s hard!

And you can feel like you’re stuck, or worse, not gonna make it if it continues.

And like Eckhart Tholle has said, “The drama in your life will end when you accept things as they are…”

Except I didn’t see that happening anytime soon. I just wanted things the way I wanted them…And so did he…

And try as we might, getting to the root of what was going on didn’t seem on the horizon anytime soon either.

And things got more heated between us.

I spent time with friends, away on my own and in therapy.

We were coexisting and co-parenting, but not really having connection, caring and compassioning in the ways that we needed to.

We had to stop the negative cycle.

And learn how to get to the root of what was REALLY creating the disconnection.

So we sat with it and got help, lots of help, lots of couples work, couples workshops, couples groups where we worked with other couples and I took note.. in some of our most raw states.. and were witnessed, held and loved.

And eventually, we saw that it had nothing to do AT ALL with the bedtime, or the bottles.

But of the deep underlying, primal emotion that each action contained within it, underneath.

And we’d learn to ask each other, “what’s trying to happen here? “

That was the question that helped.

Because then we could see, that a deeper discussion about our connection to the emotions of the bottles and bedtimes was needed, and a real connection with the vulnerability and unprocessed emotion inside of it was calling to be cleared and properly processed.

And we did.

On this incident and a thousand more.

Because that IS what kids trigger..not because they plan to or try to.. but just because they are mirrors of what we have projected on to them; the good, the bad, and the ugly….the whole damn lot.

They bring it all out.

Their developmental journey’s jiggle yours as well, the ones you had, and that you haven’t completed, but now have the opportunity to do so.

And they will do that; press that button, trigger it, razzle it.. UNTIL YOU HEAL IT.

And if you don’t, they and you will suffer, and the price can be great.

And sometimes I see parents who don’t know what else to do but label or make the child the problem.

How many couples do you know that have blasted apart because they just couldn’t get to the bottom of things?

And didn’t you wish you could do something, to help them or yourself?

Because really! This is workable, healable and resolvable.

I KNOW this because I went through it.

From profound insecurity in the connection to deep secure emotional bonding.

And I have ZERO doubts that I can help you resolve it as well.

Because isn’t it time?

And isn’t your precious family connection and closeness worth it?

And the price you’ve paid for the struggle…enough…?

You’ve got to end the bankruptcy of this struggle.. and protect your beautiful reservoir of love before it’s too late..

And it can get too late…when there’s too much damage and destruction done.

When the rifts between you have grown too wide and you’re like islands in the stream wondering IF you can ever get your connection back..

And yet, you love your person, you know there’s more than THIS drama.. trauma and disconnection.

So you do the right thing.

You take action.

You get to the bottom of it.

And you heal and you prevent your children from carrying forward any of the issues you had or have.

Because it’s possible.

And you did not come here to stay where you are now, did you?

Who else is resonating with this and ready to get going not wasting another minute to the painful challenges between you?

I can’t wait to connect with you because I KNOW this stage is temporary and it will move, but only if you take the steps now to put the necessary work in to heal and resolve it.

And you know if you’re called, you’re all ready to get this sorted out or at least start the journey.

And… I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.