Every single week, I hear people express the angst of their longing to have more hot sex, love and closeness.
People say things like, how can I make things hotter between us?
How can I increase the love between us?
How can we create more intimacy and closeness and have it be easier?
Or even just, How can we fight or disagree less?
You want things to be easier.
You want more closeness but you’re just wondering how you can make it easier and what are the shortcuts that you can take to have it turn out that way.
So here’s my practice offering to you this week, given with love and a certainty that if you truly commit to this, things will be definitely shifting in your relationship.
Here it is.
I want you to DECIDE that you are going to shift your focus and attention into amplifying the good.
So often, especially if we come from families where there’s a lot of healing and trauma cleanup to do, or just general relationship skill building, we can be focused on taking care of all the shadows, and things that appear not to work. And that IS good work.
Don’t get me wrong, because taking care of shadows is a good thing, and part of the shadow, even though you could miss, is the shadow of expanding the good.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Sometimes expanding the good is outside of our awareness because we’re so focused on doing cleanup work to have a great relationship.
For example, my hubby and I came to each other in our earlier 30’s. We both knew we had clean up work to do on our lineages. We loved each other immensely. We jumped in. And we did shadow work for a long time before locking in how important it was to do work to focus on expanding goodness, not just facing the dark side.
Focusing on shadow work is good and necessary at the right time, and I’m not suggesting you give it up.
But what I am going to encourage you to do today, is to focus on expanding the good, the great, the well being and the pleasure you already have.
So I want you to find one thing in your partnership that’s falls into this category.
I invite you to tell your partner about the one thing that’s really good, and that you appreciate, and all the things you love about it, and all the good things it gives you, and all the good things it gives them, and then see how you feel and see what happens.
And then let your partner tell you the impact of you sharing that.
I have never seen this be practiced without wonderful results.
And then I want to invite you to have a mutual conversation about what it would look like in work, in creativity and community to let this goodness expand?
What is possible for you?
You both?
If you can take some time at home this week, and really focus on the conversations expanding goodness, in every way, imagine how you’d show up for work that way, fathering or mothering that way, loving, sexing and intimacy as well.
I want to invite you both to lean in really deeply and really intimately with this inquiry.
The couples that I work with and that I know who have the biggest hot sex, love and closeness, lean in with curious inquiry to the important questions really deeply, really sincerely, and relentlessly until there’s shift in information that’s beneficial for them.
Keep leaning in, keep asking and keep seeing what you find.
When you discover any tendril of goodness or expansion, I want you to breathe it in and then breathe out.
I want to invite you to sit with your partner as they breathe that in, and breathe it out, if you’re extra willing, which is a good thing, look at each other with eye contact and then breathe that in, and then breathe out.
Keep seeing what happens, and let me know.
What’s ONE step you’re going to take this week to start that conversation?
For me, I’m going to make an appointment right now with my husband to find the one thing this week that will help us expand our goodness.
Do it with me?
I know this is going to be good.
