One of the best teachings in my year study of Tibetan Buddhism was the practice of Tonglen, or lovingkindness meditation.
I use this with my clients and myself to help metabolize difficult states.
In it, you bring compassion and lovingkindness to the things that seem most undesirable, most unwanted and most rejectable, and bring them into your heart of love instead.
And not only that, when we can bring that heart to all of those just like us, who are going through the same struggle as us, whoever in the past went through it, or in the future will go through it, something irrevocable shifts in us.
So for example, let’s take something really common in relationship.
HURT.
It happens often.
And can be difficult to deal with.
And you could stay that way, and it can fester, like people do for years.
Layers of it.
But because I want you to catapult, I dare you to do this instead.
Find your difficult lonely thing in relationship that YOU deal with.
Name it.
And then,
IMAGINE.
all those who are currently experiencing it right now,
have ever experienced it
or may experience it in the future
And bring your heart of tender love and compassion to them.
Feel your love for them.
For what they are, did, or may go through.
Because you know what it’s like.
You’re having the same pain.
The same loneliness in it.
Extend the heart of compassion and love towards them
Breath by breath.
For a minimum of five minutes. Or more if you can.
It works every time. By the end of this practice, you will notice a shift, you will feel more open, you will feel less alone and you will feel more like this situation is going to be quite alright.
Try it.
The loneliness can’t stay the same.
The separate feelings can’t stay the same.
They won’t.
And let me know ONE way thing you’ll do this week to relieve that lonely feeling so you can have connection and intimacy instead?
