John and Jill (not their real names, protected for privacy) had been in a marriage for 12 years.
Both had done a considerable amount of inner work, personal therapy, coaching and spiritual work, as most of my clients have done.
They have three children, who weren’t so little anymore, and more time and space had opened up for their relationship.
They came in wanting to feel closer, a lot more loving and felt like there was plenty room to spice up the sex as well.
But there was a hardness about them, a way they felt dry and distant, and it sent quivers through my spine, which I wonder about.
John started, looking hopeful to me for some tenderness, which leads me to wonder what’s going on with things like compassion, empathy, repair, and open heartedness.
Jill seemed to feel edgy and insecure.
And over our sessions it tumbled out through tears that there were quite a number of semi unfinished hurts, injuries, and things that just hadn’t felt really healed in their relationship. And they had convinced themselves that it didn’t really matter that much.
These nicks at their relationship ran both ways.
And with kids, it was easy to prioritize them, but what was even more true was that they needed to prioritize each other and help resolve the hurts once and for all.
Both of them had gotten used to being a little harder and more cut off, but the distant looks and the pain they felt about it spoke volumes to me and I brought up what I noticed in the room and asked them what their relationship was like in the area of love.
I specifically kept it general, because I wanted to hear where they would go and I trusted that the ready to come forward issues would be arriving shortly as they did. (and always do!)
“I feel like you’ve lost love for me…”
“Our love has dwindled…do we even still love each other?”
“Do you still love me…?”
“”Why did we put so much aside, and what do we do now?”
That last question was important in particular (the other ones were too) and from all years of pretty much everything I’ve trained in and practiced, I feel like the one thing I do over and over again is to help people return to love.
With themselves.
With each other.
With their inner parts.
With their magic and creativity.
With their resources.
With their true nature.
Over and over again…so I asked them this time, as the power of inquiry has taught me,
What would love say?
What would love do?
And how can we bring love back and into every place that really needs.
So if you’re wondering what to do, when love feels thin, do what John and Jill did.
It worked very well, it was simple, not over thinking or complicated.
They were devoted, dedicated and decided.
They closed the gaps.
They brought in all the love.
They grew closer, happier, and SOFTER.
And, MORE in love thank they could have ever imagined. Yes, they were in love before, but do you even realize how much even more being in mad love is even possible?
Isn’t it your turn?
Who’s willing to take a risk and do this too?
