I’ve Been Through So Much Trauma In My Life;
- arrived into my mother’s womb which was full of sexual and emotional trauma,
- ripped away from my immediate blood family when I was 9 to move to another country with my parents,
- almost died in the ocean when I was 11,
- almost committed suicide when I was 12,
- left for San Francisco at 18 with less than $100 to my name with zero access to student loans or grant because my parents were claiming me as a dependent while using my allocated school funds for themselves,
- separating myself from my very toxic birth family,
- overcoming some pretty serious relationships traumas and family of origin wounds and multiple abuses,
- losing a child in utero at almost 26 weeks while having to explain to my clients what was going on.
And what got me through? I remembered that I could overcome anything, and that my true self, full of love, awareness and presence was the ONLY thing that had ultimately ever helped my various suffering states.
I am the master of creating love, awareness and presence from the worst of challenges and honestly, despite what anyone outside me said or did, every minute, every second, it was up to me.
Which doesn’t mean I lived in spiritual bypass land or spent endless hours manically doing mantras to try make myself feel better.
It meant that each moment I saw I had plenty to clean up and heal, I allowed myself to choose what would awaken me into feeling freer, or face the results if I did nothing.
And doing that, helped me make decisions to grow more presence, love and awareness in every place of my life that needed it, and that was pretty much everywhere, for a long long time.
Not as in, I live in foo foo love and light land.. no…it means that I turned toward the presence, love and awareness in my heart.
And I grabbed a hold of it to non-stop face the shadows, unconscious and un-evolved parts and difficulties that I faced and knowing in my soul bones that THAT was the BE all, end of all suffering as the sages say, which I’ve experienced to be true.
There is a delicious sweetness that comes now as I sink and sense ever deeper into the love, presence and awareness that I am, even though, and I’m now proud to say, in spite of the fact that the pandemic of Coronavirus is here.
And the more I drink in this elixir of love, presence and awareness, the bigger it gets, and sometimes it makes me cry because the taste of presence, love and awareness to any challenges I have, is deeply dissolved.
And the best part of this, is that this is where I feel an ecstasy in my soul, along with the burning, because that is what awakening is all about, over and over, until it isn’t.
And because of this, I’ve developed a strength that gives me the ability to let my mind be the servant, not the master, to liberate from immense darkness and conditioning the space in my heart, mind and body to create what really matters to my soul. I became masterful at this self-liberation over time, even though from very little, I carried a crippling self esteem that wouldn’t let me admit that to anyone, let alone a whole page of people like you, reading this.
And yet, the more I became deeply embodied in my presence, awareness and heart, the more the muck would come in, and the more I would give all the things exactly what they needed and then I’d enjoy the benefits of joy, peace and ease that would come.
There really are jewels and gold there to be mined in all that darkness.. and they are waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.
And you get to enjoy those jewels you discover through your inner work, and use them to light up your true-soul self, whenever you desire.
When you accept that these jewels come from the rub of embracing doing the deep work, just like a pearl is formed from the irritated rub of the flesh of an oyster and you keep harvesting from the darkness of the true essence underneath,
You see that embracing that burning of whatever you are going through, is the answer to your deepest soul desires and longings you set into motion a long time ago.
And in moments when I am confronted, I breathe in surrender and acceptance of what IS, because I trust it’s part of my unfoldment, which means it’s also the key to my deliverance as well.
And if I have resistance, I will not allow myself to stray from the truth that my soul called this love, presence and awareness prayer out to me a long time ago.
And look, I know not everyone is able to do this, or face what’s going on right now, it’s VERY hard at moments,
But maybe, if you’re hearing that familiar whisper of you soul calling,
Do whatever you have to do to connect with others who ARE doing this work.
Get with people who are truly embodying love, presence and awareness, who genuinely radiate it out of their being, their voice, their eyes…you will feel it..
Seek out those who you can feel have not lost their love, their awareness and their presence and who show you how it can be done.
Let those qualities you experience in them nourish you, and become resources for you to host the you you’ve been trying to birth.
And trust that your desire for the deepest you expression of your love, your presence and awareness is not poking your personality into some neurosis or another for no good reason right now…
Now is the moment to bring these qualities forward in your life, to yourself, to your children, your partner, your business and your life.
And the perfect opportunity to never again deny whisper in your soul that guides you.
Whatever way it guides you to be the love, the presence and the awareness that your life, relationships and circumstances call forth from you.
Whether it’s the difficult conversation you just had…
Or the edgy experience you just had…
Or the discovery you just made of some internal part of you that you don’t like..
No matter what it is, you know where love, presence and awareness would serve you even more..
So give it. And not only that, freakin’ enjoy giving it and find pleasure in both the giving and receiving of this love, presence and awareness.
Especially and even when others are not where you are, and the world feels like it’s crumbling around you, because as we’ve known it, it is,
And if we’re really honest, there will always be others who aren’t able or willing to go there,
But you and me, we’re here to bring that.. that love, that presence, that awareness,
And if that’ not happening, why are we here then?
Be in your un-armored love.
Be in your deep presence.
Be in your pure awareness.
And immerse your field in those who are with you on your path.
They will add to your strength and you will add to theirs.
Because the field of love, awareness and presence you embody emanate determines your fulfillment in everything.
Just look at your life.
What are you seeing?
And what would you like to discover and bring into being instead?
