In the middle of winter this past year, my then ten year old son Emanuel was snuggling in the bed between me and my hubby.
He loves to spoon for a little while, then has me scratch his back.. finally letting me caress his cheek tenderly while synchronizing our breathing together which relaxes and restores his whole nervous system into deep alrightness.
I don’t know how long this will last, but my Mama self savors every moment to infuse his precious heart with all the conscious ingredients that make a fantastic relationship filled with all the good things we all need and deeply desire.
And with him, we’ve really worked to provide great care to be conscious of the transmission we give him about love, sex and closeness as he gears up towards puberty and is developing his inner structures about all this more passionately than ever before.
I have to tell you, it’s touching to watch him get interested in girls…and also a great responsibility to be good role models.. because I KNOW that children who feel the transmission (think healthy energy!) of their parents having hot sex, love and closeness start adult relationship from a COMPLETELY different vantage point, not to mention eliminate so many of the challenges that can plague us in the world of adult relationships. You know…
And I know.. Truth is sometimes, we didn’t always give him the great modeling despite some of our best efforts.
We were fallibly human. Like the many times we weren’t perfect containers, or lost our shit and got frustrated. Or when we were stressed, overwhelmed or just plain tired. And the kids felt it.
We had leaky spots where we had to clean up our commitment to BE healthy in these areas. Like when childhood wounds that were still healing and getting integrated, infiltrated the space and the kids didn’t like the energy and reacted. Big Neon sign cue to get more committed to clearing it all.
To practice what we preach and have integrity.
To clean up our own family emotional dysfunction, that was passed down… (there was plenty of it)
To resolve to be mindful of what words we used and especially the tone we used them in.
To decode, confront and heal the places where the kids triggered our own stuff. (which they did)
We weren’t perfect.
Or conscious all the time.
We made mistakes.
And worried we’d mess the kids up.
And we relentlessly worked our asses off and did the darn work.
The growth work.
The healing work.
The repair work.
The commitment work.
The practice work.
The forgiveness work.
The repairing work of healing negative patterns of connecting.
And on this cold wintery day, rain falling softly outside, when we least expected it, after hot cocoa and a nice fluffy tuck in of the billowy marshmallow color comforter, my sons says…
“Mama, I want a relationship just like you and Daddy have, someone I can be close and connected to as well…”
My eyes popped wide open.
And I exhaled.. and breathed a deep sigh of triumph and relief.
‘Enough there.. enough goodness and rite transmission from us went IN.’
…even though we weren’t perfect… cause we weren’t.. Thank God!
Not that we’re coasting because let’s be honest, there’s always more deep work to do.
But we’re on the right track because of doing all these things, these practices, the forgiveness work, repairing the struggles, the healing of the inside parts that were responsible for negative patterns.
And you.. you’re seeing same things with the kids.
Not too far away from what you’re seeing in yourself and your partnership.
Things that maybe not everyone else notices. But you do.. because you’re on it.
And the last thing you want or need is your kid reflecting back to you that you’re exactly what they don’t want.. in any way!
And you want the best for them and for you..
A Healthy and Rockin’ Hot Sex, Love and Closeness Relationship.
The kind you want deep in your bones.. and NEED deep in your soul.
Yes.. you get to have that.. and you get to be supported in it as well, because aloneness with these things never got anyone anywhere.
So what’s ONE thing you can do to BE the healthy Hot Sex, Love and Closeness transmission for your kids this week? K. I. S. S. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart). For me, this week, I am demonstrating being a good leader under pressure for my daughter, who pushes me to see where the line is. I know if I do this, she’ll inspire others to be a great leader too, and she’ll have great boundaries as well.
Feel free to send me a private message here so I can send you some good energy and support as you’re doing the work.
