Let’s not pretend, we’re all going to get into conflict with our beloved.
It might not happen very often or maybe it happens more than you wish.
And so the next time it happens, in order to create the closeness, connection and intimacy that you desire, we’re going to start with yourself.
When you feel disconnected I’m pretty sure that there’s a place in your body that feels disconnected.
Do you know where it is?
Stop and ask yourself, when I feel disconnection, where is the location in my body where I feel it, another way of asking this is, when I feel disconnected how does my body tell me I feel disconnected?
Let your body answer.
Let yourself identify the location in your body, and the sensations that go along with the disconnection location in your body. Have you got that?
Like for me, “I first feel it in my body in my chest. It’s like an aching in my heart, and the first sign I’m feeling disconnection is usually that.
Good.
So now you have the sensation, and you have the awareness of it, and your attention is on it, and you are focused on it, now the work is to bring a presence right into the sensation of it.
Watch what happens.
What happens to the sensation of disconnection in your body? What are you noticing?
What shifts?
In pretty much 100 percent of circumstances when I do this with clients, things shift, difficulties dissolve, and connection with one’s own presence and intimate touching of one’s own inner parts is present. That is the key. That is what you need to do.
And then once you have this valuable information, turn to your beloved, and share it with them. Watch what happens when you share it. You are taking responsibility for your inner parts, and deciding to share it in a really good way, filled with awareness, attention, focus and presence.
Here’s a script you can use for ease.
“When we’re feeling disconnected, it’s like this for me. My LOCATION IN BODY, has the sensation of NAME OF SENSATION. I want you to know me here like this.. what it’s like for me. And I’m committed to being present with it, with you.. and noticing it shift as I and we are present with it.”
Practice.
Repeat.
So tell me, What’s one way you’re going to commit to doing this there this week and seeing what you discover? Let me know in the comments below.
I’m going to schedule myself a half an hour of uninterrupted time, no TV, no screens, no children and really tune in to where that is for me this week. And then I’m going to write about it and share it with my beloved so I can be more connected with myself, with him.
Now it’s your turn.
