I am, and have always been the in the deepest part of me, Inanna.. Queen of Mastery of the Underworld, who returns to the world after her descent, full of power, love, creativity and leadership.
But somewhere along the way, as I dealt with all my humanity and trauma, I lost touch with how powerful of a manifestress I truly am.
At 18, I had some pretty clear visions of working with people, in ways that are only coming together now for me, as I turn 48 this Sunday.
And these visions became my prayers.
They started at 21, and I remember praying so deeply to God to be of service, and even though I was unbelievably overwhelmed with my life, I kept asking to give me just what I could handle and that I had just the right amount of ‘inbox’ space available for the perfect clients for me.
At the time, I was working 50 hours a week to support my education.
And seeing 25 clients a week for no pay.
And drinking triple espresso’s every morning just to keep up.
But I had these visits with God often, talking to God, and trusting in God to provide for me and hear me at a time in my life where I felt so alone, impoverished and unsupported.
At the time, and every time I spoke to God, new clients came in. And on and on, my relationship with God changed, and the face and name I gave to God changed as I deepened into deep spirituality studies for most of my twenties.
While other kids my age were out at bars, getting drunk and going to raves…and dropping E.
I was at home, studying, sleeping and praying on how to be of service.
And God answered my call for support each and every time.
When I risked letting go of my assistant job and needed exactly 6 clients per week to replace the lost income, and after I decided it was time, the next afternoon there was literally six referrals in my voicemail with clients who wanted to come see me at the exact same hours I had open and available.
My client roster became full, and my friend asked me what my secret was.
And in the end, the only truth that I can point to, is that I was ABSOLUTELY sincere in prayer and devotion, with every cell of my physical body, and every morsel of my soul, that this will of mine, shall indeed be DONE.
In fact, so many clients came that I was able to refer many to my friends and colleagues and help them fill their practices as well.
And so I continued on…
Until I decided I was ready to go bigger.
Which was a soul prayer I had…
I had gotten comfortable, a little too comfortable. And while I was always learning, I felt the private practice model was limited, and that there was more for me in addition to that.
So I ventured on..
And that soul prayer brought forward all the NEW issues that were in the way of my next level dreams coming true.
And I met the love of my life.
Got married.
Bought a house.
And had kids.
The soul-blocking sh$t hit the fan.
And my disbelief in my self was everywhere.
And I forgot my prayers.
And intentions, and the fervor of them, the sincerity of them, the absolute freakin’ certainty of them.
Until today, I realized I have come full circle.
And I take my
- intentional
- devotional
- prayerful
- mystic-ful
SELF.. all the way back.
And begin again.. but at a whole different octave of my same soul song.
My trauma is A LOT cleared.
My inner resources are strong.
And my fire is back.
I am who I want to be.
I am a fucking brilliant supernatural superstar.
A master healer and bridge builder.
An amazing artist, writer lover, mother and friend.
And a brilliant, ingenuous business woman, visionary and change-maker.
What I didn’t know, was that my bigger visions for my life, brought forth ALL the traumas that would have to be cleared and I can’t see for anyone I know, that it happens any other way.
But if I had stayed comfortable making really good money, comfortable in my one on one only private practice, without a next-level vision,
who knows if I would have ever encountered those traumas.
I feel like someone needs to hear this today.
And if it’s you, I see you, I gotcha…and I truly am with you.
