I used to look for what was missing in my relationship.
I felt alone, lonely, always separate.
I didn’t understand why I did it, but one day I knew I had to get to the bottom of it.
And what I saw after sitting with the feeling of the missing-ness, the sensations of it in my body, and the emotions in my heart, was that the ego, is the part of us that feels and thinks it IS separate. That is the nature of it’s existence.
And it’s also true, that illusion of separateness is the oldest and most miserable suffering story there is.
It runs all relationship problems, which is why I am bringing this up.
Just try and trace any suffering state – especially the ones that come up in relationship, and you’ll see that they are ALL ego based, all existing alone..
Take for example:
- unhappiness, separate from love and joy
- insecurity, separate from true connection
- jealousy, separate from receiving
- hurt, separate from compassion
All these states, and many more like them, just need to know that they are not alone..
So here’s the thing..
You can stay in them.
Or, you can take ONE of the difficult ones.
Say for you it’s unhappiness…..
And truly begin to be IN relationship with it. (that’s not leaving it alone.)
And find out by asking what it WANTS, what it NEEDS, what it would LOVE to feel happy.
Inquiring into something creates connection.
Connection creates intimacy.
And intimacy creates love.
And love creates all good things, including happiness.
And aloneness… or loneliness, it’s gone..
One of my clients and I did this recently.
She was unhappy.
We clarified the sensations that went along with unhappiness.
And the thoughts, opinions, and stories about it.
And the feelings, emotions and mood that were associated with it.
And then, how it played out in the interpersonal with her partner.
And her primary attitude about it.. she wanted it to go away. So very human, right? We all want relief.
And so it was left all alone.
And that created more unhappiness, and more if it feeling abandoned.
When seeing that, and how it played out.. we called in all the support it needed.
For the thoughts to held, and the opinions to be evaluated to see if they were actually useful. And the stories.. to see if they were even true.
And the feeling, emotions and mood.. those needed a container that as safe and heartfelt to safely drop into.
And the attitude.. we zoomed on what attitude was MOST helpful.. and turns out the PRESENCE was the way not trying to get AWAY as she had been doing instead.
So now it’s your turn.
Find the ONE lonely state and do what I did.
And I promise you, it can’t stay the same.
It won’t.
Practice makes p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ connection.
And connection is one ingredient of Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that you need, like yesterday.
