When the sex isn’t flowing the way you feel it should, and it’s on the brink of creating some activation and reaction in your relationship with your sweetheart…and it’s creating intensity, loss of connection, frustration or activating limitations and trauma, and you could roll over and go to sleep…again.
And it’s playing out with good lovemaking and sex intentions gone wrong, and hot desires unfulfilled,
Stop and sense the discomfort and face it with breath, openness and curiosity! And slow waaaaaay down!
This has been my work in my relationship many times!
Contrary to popular internet posts and pictures, that would make you believe everyone is born a great lover, it takes time and practice to learn to be good and then great lovers.
It takes learning to hang out on the edges of vulnerability, of noticing when things are going down a dissatisfying path, and deciding that are you going to undefendedly, drop your usual armour and mind chatter, and simply turn to face what is there and see what it is asking for.
And it takes deep presence, right there, before the usual reactions step right in and sabotage a fabulous learning opportunity to go deeper into the thing that’s hard, that you can resist, but that also has the greatest pocket of energy tucked right into that resistance if you embody these qualities so you can have it.
You could get annoyed, irritated, and blame or shut down. You could think someone else could do love and sex with you better. You can find fault with yourself. But it’s urgent that you don’t do that anymore. And instead, you can slow down and find your root and the spaciousness inside your own body by sensing yourself; bottom, top, right, left, front, back and inside. And feel the pulse of presence bringing you back to yourself.
Those defensive ways of handling sex and lovemaking won’t lead to hot sex – they didn’t for me, nor did they help any of my clients ever get to the root of what was going on. They belong where they came from, conditioning, the culture you were taught about sex from, and the ignorance about how to do these deep intimate dances from society, but they are not who you truly are in this place. They never were.
Take the urge to react and blame, to criticize or find fault with and find the sense of that in your body. Identify the location. Feel the sense of it.. and just begin to let that place in your body be breathed by you. Let the exhale out. Ask in the space that’s opening up what’s truly needed for the new way out of this to be clear. And hold yourself to the truth of what that is until the old dance is met with new steps.
I’ve had to do this many many times.
From dissatisfaction to curiosity. From disappointment to sensing. From unhappiness to presence. From wondering if I’m meant to be with another lover to slowing way down and facing myself without resistance. Over and over. And here’s where you awaken the inner jewel of discovery that you are looking for.. the one you’ve been desperately hoping for.. and that your relationship really needs so that you can experience the delicious lovemaking and sexing that’s available to you.. that can be so amazing, that’s wonderful for the energy in your family.. and the world too.
And when you do this sensing, this deep moment to moment in your practice of becoming more present to yourself, you become more attuned to your body, and if your partner is, they do too. And this presence and space helps you connect better and more easily with each other, which produces much better sexual connection because you’re more connected within.
What’s ONE way this week you can slow down this week to make the sexual connections better? For me, I love slowing down my breath and sensing my body at the same time. It makes me far more present, vital and open.
Curious to hear what it may be for you.
And.. I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.
