I remember one day that my mom told me that kids don’t come with an instruction manual.
At the time, I’m pretty sure I was pushing her to be a better parent, because my child-self knew that I needed that.
I don’t regret pushing her to be a better parent, I took her wisdom further and of course, realized that it’s true… they don’t exactly hand out parenting custom-designed manuals at the hospital for each child that you gave birth to.
And in the same way, there’s not an instruction manual or a customized guide as to how to navigate the unique realms that show up in your relationship that can create stress or disconnection.
Like you, I realized this path by walking it, and for a long time it was easy to compare myself to others, and to what relationships I perceived that they had, and to feel bad or criticize myself for not having the tools and resources I needed to make mine better.
So after the honeymoon phase was over in my own relationship, the deeper karma and soul work emerged… and my husband and I found ourselves in a place of confusion, overwhelm and uncertainty as to what steps to take to proceed.
We knew that we loved each other very much… we were bound together in a beautiful way… by choice, but without some of the deeper resources that were needed to navigate things from a place of slow ease and simplicity.
He’d say to me, “Why do humans make things so complicated, why must relationship bring up so many things to consider?”
I agreed with him, and it made me inquire and go deep into my own part in this…. that knows what we can create when we are in close proximity with another human.
Because we are relentless for truth and for liberation… we meet on the evolutionary path, the path of what’s going to bring us transformation, liberation, freedom and all the intimacy, love, sex, closeness between us that makes for a very rich intimacy and potent soul connection.
If only there could be a way to organize it more easily, to bring heart sense to the matters of the heart, I’m pretty sure you didn’t connect to fall in love with each other’s minds only…
This is exactly what we had to do, find the systems that underlies all the others, and get those grounded, and foundation aligned in our relationship so that things could get organized when it got difficult.
We started practicing emotional IQ deeply.. and practiced all the skills.. we learned to bring awareness, practiced self-regulation, built empathy, right motivation and social skills.
These things really matter because they affect all of us in the relationship no matter what stage you’re at, but especially if you want more hot sex, love and closeness.
You can’t not have the skills, and you can’t not keep growing them, we must if you want the kind of hot sex, love and closeness that feels amazing.. and I can’t tell you how good it feels to make that amazing feeling non-negotiable. This is what produced the greatest results.
You probably want your own version of those, I’m guessing it’s why you’re reading this, you got lots of dimensions to you… you need more openness in the stuck places, more depth of connection, more understanding but you’re stuck in self-protection and can get reactive. And, if you admit it, sex is feeling lackluster if it’s even happening at all.
You’ve got some skills and you work really hard at it, it’s amazing the work you’ve already done, and you know there’s more because you’re humble, and because your deep desires will not go away no matter what you do.
I’m so glad we put in the time to do this, because the foundation, grounding and anchoring we have into the systems, that we know work to govern all the different dimensions and realms that can come up in a relationship, I wouldn’t have the relationship I have today without it.
And we keep growing it and it continues to produce more beautiful closeness loving results. Not to mention the family goodness as well.
Developing emotional intelligence is a really important practice, art, skill and it is central to relationship success.
This is something you can learn and that will benefit you so much.
Sometimes in my difficult moments, when I’ve felt deeply lost or not in control, I would pick one thing that I could do, like have more empathy.
I’d practice it, especially in places I felt tight or contracted and what a huge shift it would be in partnership, genuine foundational empathy, all from embodying emotional IQ skills like this… imagine what can come from it and sense into the connection, the closeness, the hotness.
I want you to have this so much and I want you to imagine one step you’re going to do this week, to bring this closer to you both.. oh, of course first starting with yourself.
For me, I’m going to take a thorough inventory of my progress in each one of these things, and when I will do that I’m going to share it with my partner and have an honest open conversation about it and then see what shifts need to be made.
And.. I’ve got ONE spot open this week for anyone who is wanting to turn up the hotness, love and intimacy in their love relationship…..even if you haven’t been having it for a while… get on this while there’s openings.. you can tell me any one thing you want help within your relationship.. and I’ll share with you the MOST EFFECTIVE thing that will totally help you.
I can’t wait to hear what comes up for you.
