As a parent, I’m always watching if and what my kids reflect back to my hubby and I. For example, what patterns repeat over and over, or what distress patterns might they be in…always asking, what are they trying to share, get me to feel, looking to me to guide them through (no matter what the appearance is).
I didn’t use to pay attention to this.. but I do now because it’s a huge gift that can help make not only our couples connection more loving, more close and the sexual sparks more potent..but also increase love and connection in the family/parenting world too.
And even if you’re wondering if this curiosity can help you, or you’re fed up, or have lost hope, not to mention beyond overwhelmed with the kids, trust me.. I’ve got you, from the very inside of having gone through it myself.
You see, earlier on in my marriage when my kids were toddlers, I was really tested. Like all parents.
I’d ask my then three year old to put on his shoes. And it was literally like I might have been asking him to chop his finger off. Forget asking my daughter to brush her hair. I felt shame at what the neighbors thought must have been going on in our house.
My husband and I looked at each other with a glance ‘WTF fresh chaos is this?’ And we were frantic and panicked at to what this meant or even how to handle it. The episodes were increasing.
We lost our shit. With each other. With the kids.
We certainly were NOT having the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness that we desired, and as new parents, frankly.. we needed THAT medicine even more!
We were so caught up in the effect the kids were having us, that we forgot to zoom out and become more curious.
And to think about what was happening, instead of just react.
We had to learn to create new emotional containers to hold us through the activation that would happen with the kids and that’s bound to happen.
This is what they were showing us. Through the shoe example and the godforsaken hair brushing example above.
Contain them.. so they can learn how to contain themselves.
And to contain us first.
So we made new agreements about how to handle activation, stress, overwhelm and getting triggered.
We built those.
We exhaled and laughed when we saw that they copied us.
The started to contain themselves.
Because we were the transmission.
Because we did our containing our own overwhelm work too. We got stronger. We built containers. We kept agreements. We practiced.
And they followed suit.
And because we were FAR more contained, held and cohesive.. that gave a transmission in our very frequency to our children. Instead of emitting stress, we radiated being emotionally regulated. It went right in. Ease was felt all around. Feelings of struggle melted and we became closer than ever. The power of one plus one, creatively.. so much more then ten!
Which freed up tons of stress to get into other juicy, hot loving things….the connected close, loving, soulful and intimate connection that you desire and have been craving and needed for a long time.
That getting freed up by healing this difficult thing the kid showed us.. that was ecstatic..on all levels..
That healing created such a deep exhale for us, such a release, such a letting go…such a freeing up of conflict energy, more room to look at each other and relax, and connect..and easily communicate..and be understood..and cherished..that led to other things…..:-)
Tell me.. what’s your preference for the ecstatic? Ecstatic sex, love or closeness? Or maybe you’re sensing that really, your preference is all three! 😉 And what’s ONE step are you going to actually take action on so that you can get closer to it?
Or, what’s one thing your kids reflect to you that you’ve learned from?
I’m ecstatic just writing this..I get to again and again lay claim to my desires by owning them. Fully
What are you going to do to make sure the kids don’t take away your relationship happiness but add to it?
