If you are in partnership, I guarantee you that love is going to come knocking on your door, and you’re not going to be able to turn it away.
At first you might reject it, because it won’t look pretty.
Like it looked for my clients Mark and Mary, who had experienced so much hurt and betrayal between them, so many injuries..and slights that just didn’t get processed very well or fully. And they certainly weren’t having the Hot Sex, Love and Closeness they craved.
They loved each other SO much, but like most couples, didn’t have the skills to do whole-hearted compassion, repair, forgiveness and understanding; the necessary love growing elixirs that aren’t deniable or negotiable for that matter.
I watched the flare ups happen, maybe like they happen for you.
One little word.
One cold glance.
One physical gesture of moving in a disconnected way.
It’s the littlest things, you know…
The pain was there.. and it was calling them (and me) to be fully on board to restoring full love which I KNOW is possible, not only for them, but you as well.
We began with the unhealed hurts.. and I sat them in front of me.. and got them to relax by simply beginning to breathe right into their hearts.. which slowed everything down..instead of being in their heads, they were now in their hearts, fully embodied so healing could have a chance to begin…
And they each took turns, without blame or accusation, sharing places that still felt hurt, or unseen in old injuries or pains, no matter how small. And because I’m trained in Forgiveness work, that creates secure emotional attachment, and because most forgiveness work fails to fully heal, because of language…I gave them the exact language to use, so they wouldn’t blame each other, or say things like, “I’m sorry you felt that way…,” which causes more pain.
I also practice something I’ve created called Heart-Listening, where instead of listening through your mind.. and scripting in advance what you’re going to say to the next person…so that you don’t even listen to them, they were instead listening to the other person by focusing on their actual physical heart.. the sensations in there, the feeling in there.. and I’m telling you, this is some truly powerful work.. because the heart is where it’s at in relationship.
This combined with utilizing masterfully applied Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (which restores connection by helping couples feel more secure, and Imago Relationship work, which helps heal the family of origin imprints in our minds that make us see our partners through our historical lenses (not as they are), and also using Sensorimotor Work to release trauma imprints in the body.. this is what this couple needed, administered at the right time, based on how things unfolded.. but to be clear, if you were my client you would be attuned to, and I’d curate the exact love healing interventions you’d need, in the order you’d need them.
This is no one size fits all, and only a well trained expert with serious training in multiple dimensions is going to be able to get you, because you or your issues certainly aren’t one dimensional either.
And in my time with them.. there were several key conversations that went through sharing all the hurts, the injuries, the misunderstandings, the betrayals, the places that needed compassion.. and we kept applying these antidotes.
And I watched the smile grow more easily with them.
And the hard places softened.
And the injuries healed.
And their hearts opened up again.
And they grew closer.
And more in love.
And had more hot sex.
And were closer.
And they were happy.
Because they were honest about their shortcomings, and they did the deep work shared above to repair it.
And even though they may have had doubts along the way, that it would even work, or that they could get through it all, they persisted.
Because they knew they had to…
Because there is no other choice..
Just like there’s no other choice really for you either..
So if there was one thing, just this week, that you could do, to soften your heart, so you could be more understanding, more compassionate and forgiving, what would it be? I want you to find out what it is.. share it in the comments.. and then go DO it.. I KNOW, without a doubt you’ll feel better, lighter..more ease. I’m going to practice feeling soft.. all over my body.. to make my communications more compassionate.. I’m excited to see where it goes.. because well, it always lead to good things opening up for me.
