I know when I see my couples I am going to be hearing about;
complaints.
criticisms,
and blame (both gross and subtle towards each person)
And the number one thing underneath all these things almost ten times outta ten?
Hurt or pain of some kind.
And what I want you to do is THIS.. because you’re NOT going to be having Hot Sex, luscious love or closeness that you desire if you’re feeling hurt..
It just doesn’t work that way, no matter how much we want to shove it down, get rid of it or pretend it doesn’t exist.
But what we can do, is learn how to listen to each other, and hear the full expression of another’s hurts, without it being heady or complicated, so we can feel heard, listened to and STOP the cycle of blame and complaint.
So here’s what I want you to practice.
This works really well, not matter how far you along you are in your relationship, no matter how deep the hurt is, but you’ve GOT to stick to the structure.
Here we go.
Decide who gets to share hurts first.. and who gets to listen and receive.
The first person says quite simply…
“I felt hurt when you….”
Person two simply says, “thank you. Tell me more.”
And does this until there is no more that person one wants to tell them.
And then you switch.
There are no “yeah, but….” or.. “but she said…”
Simply, you are beginning to create a safe space to be heard, to be received, and known in the places that you have pain or hurt.
Which leads to softening
And connection
And support
And intimacy
And hot sex
And makes everything in life so much better
And the best part is.. it’s so simple.
How many of us ever truly get that space from anyone in our life.. let alone our partner, where we are being simply listened to, heard, received, and asked for all of our hurts to be shared, until we have no more…
Let that sink in for a moment.. That is life changing.. and it has been for me in all the places I’ve needed it and I had some pretty big hurts in my life.. and they needed this many times.. and we gave it.. and we still do if we need to. It helps every time.
It’s like love-healing medicine for our souls.
And it’s available to you as well.
And it’s a HUGE gift you can give each other, anytime, any day.. at any point where you feel there have been hold backs, things left unsaid or a clearing is needed.
It creates the transmission of empathy, reception, understanding and healing.
So when you decide you want to be in connection
And you’re ready to heal…
You’ve got to do the practices…
And when you do them, you grow, you heal and you get exactly what you need in love, connection and intimacy. I know because I’ve watched my clients succeed in having this by deeply practicing this.. and they clear out their pain bodies.
It’s like watching a cool river run through a dry barren desert and finally produce some verdant little green sproutlings that grow up to be magnificent tree pillars of love and support, kind of like rock solid love affair that lasts and last.. the kind I’m delighting in.
So now it’s your turn to practice.. and decide the ONE thing you’re gonna do this week to make time for this. I did this with my hubby this am.. and I’m feeling softer.. lighter and more released and available for connection.. and I can’t wait to hear what you’re gonna do.
