“Where in God’s name are you?
Don’t you see the tasks and things that I obviously need help with?!?… so beyond irritated at not noticing them going on over there.,” said almost every other couple, especially with kids, that I’ve ever seen.
No, it’s not about him failing you or not being the right person; it’s that you haven’t really connected about what kind of relationship you BOTH really want to experience, especially when it comes to mutual support and building the embodied connecting bridges from there.
But you can. And you must, because if you don’t, you’ll be in mutual complaint hell, and that is one of the fastest ways to destroy a perfect love relationship.
First, have you both ever really sat down and decided…
1- “What kind of relationship do we genuinely wish to create?
2- What kind of relationship sexually and erotically?
3- What kind of relationship emotionally, mentally?
4- And in the physical realms of life?
5- What kind of lifestyle do we want?
6- And how about financially?
7- And spiritually or religiously?
And what are our values about as many things as possible, including how we navigate challenges which are typical to come up in relationships?”
You’d be surprised how many people don’t ask and can fall into the connection without real-time set aside for this. It seems enough to find someone you’re attracted to, and that’s attracted to you, and maybe a few things match up. And sort of hope that there’s enough to go off from there. That’s honestly a lot of people and couples out there.
But after the honeymoon period wears off, then the real issues often come up.
It’s essential to assess if you’re truly on the same path.
1- Do you want enough of the same things?
2- Do you value enough of the same things?
3- Are your desires not only compatible but compelling?
4-How are your differences?
5-And most importantly, do you have both the resources to navigate what can really arise?
As you navigate these questions, and definitely with support, a potency of truth begins to gather.
Do you feel that?
What do you sense between the two of you?
What does your partner sense?
And have you let yourselves BE completely honest?
You’ll arrive at something. Enough clarification, enough of a knowing, and enough of a connection that you are ALIGNED, and there IS enough resonance.
And from there, you start the bridge-building process.
For example, do we want a relationship where we support each other? Yes, or no. If so, where, and how do we want to do that? What do we agree upon? What agreements run our relationship show, and if we’re not keeping those, what are our agreements then?
This is all to make what we are doing CONSCIOUS. And if there are snafus around support issues coming up, THAT part of your relationship bond and agreement has yet to be made clear.
And, it’s an ongoing process, honestly. My husband and I are constantly checking in with our agreements, desires, and needs that are always evolving. We continuously upgrade if we want the relationship to stay alive, fresh, and lit up, which we do because it’s a precious treasure.
This is what a conscious, evolving partnership looks like otherwise, you’re left to convenience, convention, and very often, this equals running things from our conditioned self, not our creative self. No thanks, not for me either.
And when you want a fantastic partnership filled with hot sex, with lovingness, with intimacy, and the kind of fresh connecting that is vitalizing, inspiring, and sacred, you attend to this.
And look, there’s a lot the coaching world has to say about a situation like this with needs not getting met, but I’ve noticed very few coaches that take a HUGE step back to assess the larger picture. It’s why I have a very extensive questionnaire before I ever work with a couple so I can deeply receive all this kind of information before we ever meet face to face. It’s how I know exactly where to pinpoint the beginning of the work without wasting your precious time and investment. And that’s one of my HUGE integrity values.
And when you want an amazing partnership filled with hot sex, with lovingness, with intimacy, and the kind of fresh connecting that is vitalizing, inspiring, and sacred, you attend to this. And when you do, you will be so happy because there will be less drama, and more love, less irritation and more tenderness, more creativity in your connection, and less sabotaging and undoing.
Helping you go from irritation that their needs aren’t getting met and wondering if you’re even on the same planet to becoming extremely conscious and clear of what actual relationship you both truly desire to have and becoming embodied to actually create it is what we do in my three months private, hybrid 1:1 and group program for coaches, entrepreneurs and professionals. Email me at joanna@joannaintara.com for more details to see if it’s a fit.
