Sometimes clients walk in and straight away I can feel the energy that is preventing them from having the closeness and intimacy that they desire and need.
When I look deep into their eyes, I can see the possibility of what they most desire.. and then the road to healing it becomes possible.
Like Tina and Tim, who came in and a wave of palpable sadness dominated their frequency. It was undeniable.
I leaned in as Tina spoke in a quite despairing voice…soft.. as if to call me quietly and carefully to hear her. I took notes as these signals are important.
She crossed her leg.. and gently folded her arms in front of her. Despair oozed out of her pores.
And Tom held his head.. looking defeated.. ashamed.
“I feel like we don’t know who we are anymore…I wish he wasn’t so involved in work and on his phone all the time….It’s not right..”, she almost whispered.
What had made her so full of despair and resignation?
This.. this disconnection complaint is the primary one..of all couples..
But what I wanted to know was…
– when did they last have a date night that was amazing?
– how often do you each get out for time away (overnight) individually and as a couple?
– how often are you working out? how do you get good endorphins?
– how do you remind yourself of your love for each other? what symbolized your connection to each other? an object? a sweet picture of your togetherness?
– what helps you return to connection when it’s gone? and if you do, how often do you use it when you need it?
– what is the best part of your love? How can you/do you expand that?
– who do you admire that you can draw on their energy who is doing a version of closeness and intimacy that you desire?
One by one, we went through them. And the cause for their sadness and connection became very clear. There were virtually no structures in place for any of these things.
And because of that, they were vulnerable to being pulled into a negative cycle of disconnection because they didn’t have the positive resources, the inside infrastructure to create the connection they desired instead.
This was the connection foundation work we began with. We addressed all of these questions. They felt vulnerable. They owned what they needed to feel emotionally safe with each other. I would not let them go into the old, negative cycle. In fact, I insisted they team up against the negative cycle together, and make that negative cycle the enemy instead.
I loved seeing Tina smile when I gave her this resource to use to protect their connection.
All this restored HUGE connection.
They weren’t mismatched as they feared.
They just didn’t know how… and they had made the mistake of beating themselves up for it.
They were supported in making some very clear decisions about how they wanted their relationship to be.. how they wanted to handle disconnection points. how they wanted to be calibrated back to closeness and intimacy.
The power of choice and decision.
The power of making the negative cycle the enemy.
The power of rituals to remember your love and connection when you are caught in a trance of disconnection…
The ability to utilize the resources they already had and take in and use new ones, exactly where they needed them.
They decided together.. the two of them. and they wanted the same things..so that made it easier for them to grow back into connection together.. and they did. When they came they didn’t THINK they want the same things (or maybe weren’t even right for each other) but it turns out, they did.
And now it’s your turn to decide together how you want to handle disconnection snafus and challenges. And if you don’t know how to navigate that on your own, that’s what I’m an absolute expert at – reach out for support.
What’s ONE thing you will do to grow connection with each other this week? I’m going to snuggle up to my man and remind him of how much I love kissing that sweet spot on his face.. the one that makes him feel sweet connectedness and closeness and that all is well..
